Hi Alphin.

Perhaps the school has notified WH they are not going to renew his contract, is all.

I think you already know you do not need forgiveness from WH, or anyone else, for doing what is right.

All addicts focus blame for everything that has ever happened to them on the person threatening to take their drug away.

Your old thread contains several weeks worth of conversation about this back when you were not sure if you should expose. And when you did expose you thought the school and dioceses did not care. But they do care. They just took God’s own good time to verify and decide on a correct course of action. (Well, OK, who knows why they took so long. But I suspect they wanted to do the right thing, without just instantly reacting.)

The whole idea is still to make WH face the truth of his actions. You were not getting the truth. The school was not getting the truth. Omelette was not and is not getting the truth. Shoot, WH is not even giving himself the truth.

But you are offering truth. All you did is shine a light into the dark corners where all the lies and deceit are piled up.

You did the school, the children and their families that attend it a huge favor. You honored the moral, ethical and religious convictions of millions of people.

You did well.

And you don’t need a lying, deceitful person laying any blame for his well earned consequences upon you.

With prayers,

PS: I suspect major pressure is beginning to bear on the A. You may yet have to decide what to do with a prodigal H. Stay cool. When FWW begged to come home was the scariest time of all for me.

Alphin,

You did nothing wrong! This has all been brought upon your STBXWH because of HIS choices. Don't blame yourself, and don't worry about him forgiving you - geez!

Cat

The other question would be....what about the Omlette? If he lost his job or contract, what about her? She's just as morally deficit as your STBXWH. Maybe that partially explains the cancelled trip to Spain. No dinero?

Alphin, I know how it feels to care about your WH, especially when their life has such an impact on your own and the girls. It stinks. We just want stability as much as anything.

I will be amazed if he has lost his job over this unless it was in the terms of his original contract.

You'll wake up with a smile on your face soon but, in the meantime, try not to get too stressed. You've got health problems to worry about and your girls need you to be strong. I'm so glad you've got the support of your in-laws. TT

Well, the crappiness continues. Sorry to moan on, but there's no-where else to do it.

Money sitch has hit critical again. I went overdrawn on my account last week - my own fault, of course - and the bank has charged me £90, making me overdrawn again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have no money at all until Monday. I get a little more on Tuesday. Most of that will be swallowed up by bank charges.

I have no alternative now but to pawn my jewellery. My life is like a Dickens novel - I'll be selling my hair next. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have an appointment with my atty on Monday. I pray that she will be able to sort out STBX and his wild spending ways.

I'll also be signing the D documents.

Life is hard right now. Please think of us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

(((((Alphin)))))

Give the bank a call. Talk to the manager. He/she is human. Ask for a little compassion for you and your children. There are almost certainly some fees they can waive...

It sure sounds like your soon to be X is falling hard and heading for a very rude awakening. Just remember, he has brought this upon himself. You are in no way whatsoever to blame. Your job is to protect yourself and your children from as much of the fallout as possible. I'm glad you'll be at your lawyer's soon; she'll help you keep yourself safe.

I'll be praying for you!

Alphin, I'm sorry for this new development. Hopefully you will be able to solve the problems.Apparently this is typical WS behaviour. In my case I guess my WH is so atypical that he continues to pay for everything! But I'm still very alert about the bills just in case he stops paying. Most of them are in my name.



How is your writing doing?

Alphin, I'm pulling in for you and will pray for you situation as well. I can understand this v well as I'm going thru this myself. I don't understand how these WH's can and know that they will be financially in trouble yet continue to act the way they do.

BTW, my interview yesterday was quite a waste of time. The interviewer was haphazard and seemed disinterested and I certainly didn't know what she expected from the person taking that position!

~A

LT, thanks. I wish I could see my solicitor today! Oh, and I don't think my bank manager is human - I suspect he manages the accounts of the Mothership... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

cc46, my STBX PROMISED that he would continue paying for everything, and that money wouldn't be an issue for me and the girls. Not only has he not paid any child support since he left, but now the bills are bouncing sky high!

Thanks, Ashley. Sorry about your interview - I know you've been waiting for any interview for a long time! I'm sorry it was a waste of time.

I've just got back from the pawnbrokers. I didn't get as much as I wanted for my jewellery (some are very nice pieces) but it was enough. Bank account in now back in the black, and the loan isn't so large that I won't be able to pay it off quickly, avoiding hideous amounts of interest. There's even enough left for a big pizza for the girls and a bottle of wine for me tonight.

So it isn't all bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Alphin,

I am sorry to hear about the situation you're in!

It sounds like many of us here, you're realizing that we will survive no matter what.

Thinking of you and your girls.

I am just totally f'ing livid after reading about your jewellery. I also hate paying bank charges. Rather the money went to charity. I worked in a bank and they makes millions from the ridiculous charges. I do think you should approach the bank about obtaining a reduction in charges. You never know, there might be a kind heart willing to waive the debt.

Alphin, I follow your sitch so closely because I am one step away from where you are and I don't even have a house to live in back home. They'll be some equity from our house in Spain but nowhere near enough for a house.

Do you get sickness benefit for your illness? Family credit etc etc. Have you been to the Citizens Advice Bureau? Is there anything at all you could possibly be entitled to? You're in my thoughts. TT

True, Luna. If I'd had these kind of money worries before STBX left us, I think I would have completely freaked out. Now, I just do what I can, what has to be done, and that's all I can do.

Hi, TT.

I think I'll ring the bank tomorrow and see if I can arrange a proper overdraft facility - that way, if I do go overdrawn at least the charges won't be so awful. I don't know if they'll let me have one as I'm not working, but it's worth a try.

I don't get sickness benefit (as yet) because my illness comes and goes - sometimes it's very bad, and others I'm quite OK. I've never applied for incapacity benefit; I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get it. I phoned the CAB a while back, and got all the advice I could from them. It really is down to my solicitor now.

Thanks for thinking of me.

Alph.

Hi Alph.

I had something like $350 in overdrafts not long after my wife turned into a mental patient. It was just as you describe - a snowballing situation that I didn't catch for two or three days.

I went to the bank, sat down with someone, and explained my situation. Well, I didn't give them a sob story, or any rap about being too depressed to handle my money. I just explained that my finances were a little flaky because of some sudden changes in my personal life. The banker turned the $350 in fees to $30 just like that.

GC

Thanks for that, Graycloud - it's certainly worth a try.

Alph.

DDs have just got back from their afternoon with STBX...

He gave them another present - some rather nice fudge, actually, from ANOTHER F'ING VACATION HE AN OW HAVE BEEN ON!!!

THAT MAKES 4 VACATIONS THEY'VE BEEN ON SINCE THEY MOVED IN TOGETHER IN APRIL!!!

Ok, I'll stop shouting now. But I'm absolutely spitting feathers here. How dare he? He moaned all the time when we were together that we couldn't go on holiday - we couldn't afford it. Now 4 vacations in 7 months???

And I've just pawned my jewellery so I can feed my children this week. God knows what I'll do next week!

No CS since he moved out - but 4 vacations with OW. He makes me sick.

I'm mad as h*ll. Still, it's better than being depressed.

Alph.

Oh, Alph. That sounds SO familiar! My STBXWH bought all kinds of fancy electronic equipment for his lair, but couldn't be bothered to provide money for groceries for his children. He even bought a second vehicle for himself, while claiming poverty to a judge so he wouldn't have to pay child support.

I sold every decent piece of jewelry I had on eBay, and we had quite a few dinners of odds and ends found in the back of the fridge and pantry. The kids and I lost our medical insurance because I couldn't afford to pay for it (judge eventually ordered him to provide insurance for the kids).

WSs only think about themselves. They have a right to be happy, right?? Little things like children shouldn't get in the way of their entitlement to do what they want. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I am so glad the judge let me assign WH's wages for child support. Now support comes directly out of his paycheck, before he even sees it.

I didn't get to catch up on your whole thread, but I'm so sorry you are still dealing with your WH's idiocy. He sounds a lot like my WH - shower the kids with presents, but neglect to make sure they have food. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Stupid, stupid aliens.

Edited to add: I've had to call many a biller and beg for mercy. Most were very understanding and were willing to work with me.

Alph .... in settlement ... go for blood

Well, I see my atty today to sign the papers and to try and do something about STBX's wild spending ways. I'll mention the four vacations.

MIL called last night. She said that STBX and Omelette are spending Christmas in Spain. MIL said that STBX said that he 'might as well' go to Spain, as he 'wasn't allowed' to see his children over Christmas. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

What a crock! He started scr*wing the Omelette around this time last year - didn't have any guilty feelings about his children then! Then, four months later, he left them - and it's somehow MY fault?

I wonder if he's always been this narcissistic, and I never noticed, or if it's just more fog nonsense. I asked MIL the same thing. She thinks he's pretty much always been that way (which means I've been fogged up myself about him since we married) although he does seem worse now.

Anyway, everyone dust off their violins for poor STBX, who can't see his kids over Christmas BECAUSE HE LEFT THEM!

I'm not angry or bitter, truly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Well, I just got back from signing some papers at the solicitors.

I am now in tears because she told me that I wouldn't get my marriage certificate back. Ever. It was there on the desk as I signed the papers to begin divorcing my husband. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but I didn't.

How stupid am I? Crying over a piece of paper.

My parents get back from holiday today - thank goodness! I need their support now.

This is only the beginning, but I feel so sad.

Alph.

(((((Alphin))))) I'm so sorry.

I've got tears in my eyes reading what you are going through. That piece of paper has such a lot of meaning behind it - it must be a shock to give it up.

You've let him get away without paying you any CS since he left. I'm hoping you've hit rock bottom so you can pull yourself up by your Elvira sleeves and start realising that pride gets you nowhere.

Time to tell his parents and your parents that you've had to pawn your beloved jewelry to feed your family. While he goes on yet another holiday.

I'm glad your parents are back....no wonder you are feeling so down.

Well done for signing the papers....divorce is so cold. Keep warm!