You shld tell his parents what you had to do to feed yourself and kids.

I wish I cld help you but I'm also deep in $$ probs. More hugs for you, Alphin

~A

Thanks, Strong.

You're right about pride - it's one of my greatest failings. Problem is now, of course, that STBX doesn't appear to have anything left to give me!

Once the CSA get their act together (now that's optimistic!) they will garnish the CS payments from his salary. Until then, I can't see how I'm going to get any money from him. Unless the Omelette puts her hand in her pocket. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Ashley. I should tell my parents about the jewellery, I guess. My mom still reads on here sometimes so I guess they'll find out anyway. But it's the pride thing again. I feel such a failure - 36 years old and struggling to feed my children.

Sometimes I wonder how STBX can live with himself, I really do. But every time I hear something about him these days, it's about how bad his life is, how rotten I am for not letting him see more of the kids/not letting OW meet them, how he doesn't have any money - but goes on 4 vacations in 7 months.

*Sigh*. He's absolutely a stranger now.

Alph.

How can he live with himself? Easy....fog is real.....his thinking is so clouded he can't even see the ground. I had to pull DARN hard to get my head out of the fog and I was extremely lucky that a small part of my small brain had a rational cell left. It, the fog, can help you justify anything. ...shiver...

All you need to know is that he is NOT thinking the way you (or any rational/ordinary) person is thinking. You can't get inside his head and nor would you want to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


You know full well that someone is going to tell you...

Pride Comes Before A Fall

Pride gets you nowhere, it's get's you nothing, it doesn't feed you, it doesn't clothe you, it doesn't house you.

Ditch it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Failure? I see only one person failing his family here. Stop protecting him through a *false* sense of pride.

Tell both sets of parents what you had to do to feed your family. I hope you also told your solicitor.

Don't even get me started on official agencies in the UK.....my MIL has been let down by far too many this year. But I live in hope that the CSA will prove you wrong and get it sorted quickly and efficiently <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> cough...

Edited to add: when the fog lifts (and one day I feel sure it will) he will be disgusted with himself. My husband told me "life is long...what feels good now and for the next couple of years might not feel so good in 5 or 10 years". He's very wise!

THAT MAKES 4 VACATIONS THEY'VE BEEN ON SINCE THEY MOVED IN TOGETHER IN APRIL!!!

That is a strong indication of them needing to run from themselves...and fill the time and space with any type of distraction no matter the price...so that they can try to escape what they have created...

imagine even TRYING or PRETENDING that all is well on vacation while you KNOW each night that your children suffer at your hands..............

they keep running...
problem is wherever they run to...there they are...

empty flounderings
empty chasing.....

appeasement with fudge...

pathetic are they........

ARK

I've just been on the phone to the electric/gas company to basically beg for mercy (£103 direct debit bounced last month because STBX took £700 out of account for *mystery purposes*).

I had to sort this one out, as the bill is in my name, although the money for it comes out of STBX's account.

Turns out I'm in loads of credit, and they are reducing the monthly payment, wiping off last month's missed payment, changing the payment date to the date STBX gets paid, and - best of all - SENDING ME A REFUND CHEQUE FOR £150!!!

WOOHOO!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I won't get it for about a week - but swallowing pride has definite benefits, Strong!

Ark,

It's like they're on a constant honeymoon. I think, though, that now I've filed and the money issues are catching up, that the honeymoon will soon be over.

I have to confess, I had some of that dirty bribery fudge. When I'm depressed (as I was last night) nothing makes me feel better than something really sweet and sickly. So I ate some.

It was actually very nice - and I didn't choke on it!

Thanks, both of you.

Alph.

WOOHOO!! Good going, Alphin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good grief! WOW....instant karma or what! And how great do you feel having taken control of a debt?????


I hope it wasn't too bitter to swallow....although you could always pilfer another piece of fudge! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm extremely proud of you! I really DO understand how hard that was for you.

Thank you, Melody!

I think I'll have a party, like Hurting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

DD12 finished it off last night - but I can buy my own box next week! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm so relieved! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Well, I found out where the £700 STBX withdrew from our bank account went.

He's opened a new account, in his name only, and transferred the money into it.

He's also arranged for some direct debits (related to the mortgage and house insurance) to be transferred to this account.

Why?

I don't even use our joint account any more - except to pay the mortgage each month.

Is this a new show of independence? A way of stopping me snooping on him? Another tie cut?

Alph.

Alphin,

Sounds as if some things are working for you, I am glad.

I understand the hurt you had signing those papers its not easy. And my was just for LS and it hurt.

My WH did the same thing with the bank. He opened a new account in his name and ow I have no idea or any access to any of his money. I think its a way for them to control us. Well he can think it all he wants but the courts will make sure this control is over by making them give us our just dues. Just going to take a little time. Reality is gonna bite them in the butt yet.....

As far as having a party go for it... It will make you feel good to have people around and have fun. Plus it shows our WS'S life goes on without them.....

Take Care,

Hurting

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Continue, Alphin, continue.
This is wonderful news! You are doing admirably, my friend.

Thank you, LT. And it seems I'm not the only one in this family, either.

DD12 has the day off school today, because it is 'target setting day'.

We have to go into school at 10 for a few minutes to discuss DD12's progress with her form tutor and what her strengths and weaknesses are.

I find it very hard to fault her, in all honesty. The other day I received a letter from the school telling me that she had been invited to attend a special course for the 'exceptionally gifted', on the subject of 'plague and pestilence' (sounds to me like they are trying to steer them towards medicine, though she still has her heart set on acting <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ). I was amazed. Of course, I knew she was a bright kid, but I'm so happily surprised to be told she's inside the top 2%.

Even after all the pain and heartache of the last few months, she is still doing so well. She's my star. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Alphin,

The fact that you have been able to give your daughter the nurturing and environment necessary for your daughter's potential to fully develop says volumes about you as a person and a mother.
I know you are proud of your daughter. You should be proud of yourself, too.