Oh how I hate when that happens. I had my response all typed, and I hit something, and poof! there it went.

As I was saying.....
Nah, I don't think the other guy knows we breathe the same air. We have, I know this, had eye contact maybe two times. But, he doesn't know who I am, but I know him.

I'm glad your getting away next weekend. Anyone going with you? I hope you hear something that gives you hope and strength.
What about xbf? Have you ran into him lately?

I have heard of the play/movie you mentioned. I went to the video store, I could have rented it, but I didn't know. Instead, I came home empty handed.

As far as T-giving, my mom is coming up from SC. I have not cooked in so long, I hope I remember how. Maybe this is preparing me for good things for next year!!

Did you do your pot luck tonight?
I went to church. I walked today, but ran a lap too, which I haven't done for so long, it felt pretty good. I need to get back to that.

Take care,
Karona

Karona-

It's all about chemistry right? Sorry the didn't go the best, but as LT said, at least you get to wade in slowly.

So if you don't think the other guy knows you exist, how do you make that happen? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I really feel for our kids. I so want to protect them from the stuff at the other house, but as we all know, that is impossible. What we have to do is do our best to cushion the hurts that result from the issues and lack of understanding. It does go to prove that the grass is definitely not greener though.

Letstry-

I busted out laughing when I saw your reply. The guy I am dating is a math teacher and they definitely are a different breed!

I survived the slumber party. We ended up with a couple of last minute additions so it was a rockin place. I can't believe how loud nine girls can be. I survived, but am still tired! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

As for Thanksgiving. I will spend the beginning of the break with my kids and mom. Then they go to their dad's and I will go with BF to his parents' Could be interesting.

I think the idea of spending the holiday with friends would be so much fun. Best wishes to you all.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still~~

"It's all about chemistry right? Sorry the didn't go the best, but as LT said, at least you get to wade in slowly."

Agreed! I know that is best where matters of the heart are concerned.

"So if you don't think the other guy knows you exist, how do you make that happen?"

I have not one clue. This guy doesn't seem to be the type to try to seek me out. Not that I know him at all, but it's a feeling I get. I feel like I need to meet him, but I really don't know how.

Your T-giving plans sound nice. Let us know how it all goes.
Are your kids okay about being with dad?

Glad you survived the sleepover!

K!

Karona, In answer to your question, I haven't seen XBF since I last wrote about it, but he always asks about me when he runs into a friend. I'm not sure, but I think he'd like us to be friends since I think he stayed friends with his previous XGF until he met me. I'm not sure I could handle it. He's a nice guy and I hope he finds the true love he's looking for, but it doesn't mean I won't have pangs of jealousy anyway. It still hurts to have been rejected twice in a row with no prospects in sight.

In the distant past, before meeting STBXH 23 years ago, I'd soothe my romantic hurts with at least some flirtation. At that time, there were more single men in my age group. I know now that the feelings I was looking for outside really come from within, but knowing it and always feeling it are two different things.

Still, A math teacher, huh? Geeky but crazy? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LT~~

I'm wondering which is better?
To have your xbf ask, or not? A couple people have told me that have ran into him, [people I introduced him to] and he doesn't mention my name. Maybe that should tell me something. Like, why do I have such a hard time erasing him out of my memory when he seems to have forgotten me.

No follow up phone calls from the date. I will sum that up to, He's just not into me! He was nice, but we obviously were not well suited for each other.

Math eh? He must be pretty smart! Hope things are still going well for the two of you.

K!

You two raise some valid points. I never have to see my XBF as we are over four hours apart. However, the other day we were planning a snowmobile trip for January and part of it will take us to the small town near here where XBF has his cabin and spends most weekends. I have to admit, I felt nervous just thinking about it. I would feel badly being with current BF, not wanting to rub it in. I would also feel weird if he was with someone. I don't know, we have talked a couple of times since we broke up and it has been weird. I miss a lot about him, but want nothing more than friendship. When we last talked, he hinted at wanting more. It was uncomfortable so I haven't called him. I don't want more yet I don't want to lead him on or hurt him. I can only imagine what it would be like if he was in the same town.

Math teacher, yes. Geeky, no. He actually is a coach as well. I think the mix is bizarre. Anyhow, he is very anal, and very black and white. This is in sharp contrast to me. I am very laid back and see almost everything in shades of gray. At times this mixture works very well, you know the whole opposites, but at times it is a nightmare! The one thing that gets to me the most about this black and white personality trait is that he sees only one way for most things, when in truth there are many. Oh well! He is quite smart, but I find that too is only focused in certain areas, where I consider myself intelligent, but also well informed in multiple areas. Yes, we are quite the combo! Add to it that I am nine years old, alas, there are maturity and stage of life differences, and the fact that I have four kids, and it gets quite interesting!

Good luck to you both in all of your current affairs! OOPS, that didn't sound well on a marriage and infidelity board! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Take care and God bless!

K

Affair of the legitimate kind sounds interesting, but, non existent right now.

Oh, I can imagine what you are thinking about there Still.
I kind have thought the same thing. IF I were to go somewhere and run into xbf and he also be with someone. I wouldn't like either scenario. It's fact though, so if and when it happens, I guess we will have to roll with it.

Glad things are going well for you.

Take care,
K!

Hi Karona (and anyone else who's interested), I have a question for you. A friend just called and invited me to a dinner party. She wanted to know how I felt about XBF being there. I told her I would feel awkward if he brought a date but otherwise I'm okay. There will be quite a few single people there, more women than men, not just the two of us (assuming he's still single).

Now I'm not sure because... as time goes on I get lonelier and I still struggle with my feelings about being rejected by him. So can I let go of my need to impress him and not feel rejected or jealous if he doesn't want to talk to me or chooses to talk to others? What if he seems interested in me and I remember all the reasons why I didn't think it would work out in the first place? It's been so much easier just to avoid him!

My friend wouldn't invite him if I told her I'd feel uncomfortable, so it's really up to me. It brings up so many feelings pro and con. What do you think? What would you do?

OH. Oh WOW. Goodness.......
My mind is definitely going into your shoes. This is tuff isn't it?

I'm not sure I know what to say about this one.

Invitations are sometimes few and far between [speaking for the both of us], so I really think you should go.
Are you and xbf mutual friends to this woman? And I'm sure you don't want to ask that he be not invited because of you.

I would venture to say, if both of you were there, alone, there would be feelings there. I don't think he will ignore you. Unless your feelings are very strong concerning him, I would see it very possible that the two of you could spend some time together that evening, if not afterwards [I don't mean spending the night, I mean subsequent time/days].

I have thought of myself in this particular situation before. Wondering if we were in an establishment together-separately, what would happen?? I can't say that I wouldn't be weak to him. Even though he also rejected me in the end, I still have many fond memories concerning us, and I think I would remember those more.

This could go either way. You could see him as the man he was to you, or someone quite different that you don't know anymore, and really are not interested in anymore. It's also possible upon learing you will be there, that he won't accept the invitation.

I really don't have great advice for you. I'm trying, but I keep seeing myself in this one, and I honestly can't say you should do this or that.
I will be looking forward to reading other's replies.

When is this dinner? Just need to know because I'm nibby!

LT, I don't envy your position.
K!

LetsTry-

I really feel for you. I think this is one of those situations that nobody wants to be placed in. I guess there are a lot of things to consider.

I don't know much about your relationship, but from what I gather the break up left you feeling quite awful and rejected. That right there would make it hard to face him. On the other hand, by seeing him you may get a better understanding of how you feel for him now.

I am assuming that all of you are mutual friends, hence the invitations to both of you, but if not, would it really be out of line for you to say that you were uncomfortable? I guess a lot of it depends on the closeness of the friendships here.

The last thing is what if your friend invites him and he wants to bring someone. I take it from your post that then you would decline.

You are in a sticky place. I wish you the best and will be thinking of you.

Take care and God bless!
K

Made me laugh! Uhhh, why not, Karona??<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks. I feel better this morning about it than I did last night. We're all mutual friends. I wasn't that devastated by the break-up at the time, in fact, I'd been thinking of breaking up with him before he broke up with me.

This will be my first holiday season alone in several years, STBXH's birthday is tomorrow, STBXH left right after Thanksgiving 5 years ago, I spent the last two years with XBF and his family, MIL, to whom I was very close, died this past summer... It's a family time of year and all the rest of my family is on the opposite coast.

I don't have kids, which makes it harder. The kids I raised were H's son who died, and H's niece and nephew who's parents hate me (and H) for "stealing" their kids from them (the court placed them with us after the parents lost their parental rights due to substance abuse and non-compliance).

I still see 22 year old niece and her 3 year old son from time to time, but her mother gets angry every time she finds out we've even talked. 20 year old nephew is back living with his parents and going to school (I suspect he also has a drug problem). He's not allowed by them to have any contact with me.

So I think I'm just crying the holiday blues - feeling lonely and unlovable. It comes in waves. I'm fine right now, just got triggered last night by the invitation.

Glad I made you laugh LT!
I didn't want you to think I thought you would jump right into something, or myself for that matter.

So, what are you going to do? This is such a touchy one. You have my complete compassion here.

LT, I know what you mean about the Holidays. Its been getting to me lately too. This is my first solo too. It will be the 3rd season without x, but bf was there shortly after the split, so I had him during this time that last two years. I'm more fortunate because I do have my girls, but there will be something missing.

Just think, we will be stronger yet again. We will have made through another hurdle in life. Wow! What a way to look at it right?!

Any new news regarding x-to-be and that whole mess? I'm still hoping the best for you.

I'm glad you're feeling better tonight.
Keep us posted.

K!

Funny thing, I just realized today is STBXH's birthday (and I'm going to have to change my signature line yet again), not tomorrow like I said in my last post. That makes me smile, too, since I'm able to forget it now.

My lawyer called today. My accountant asked permission for H's accountant to see the quick book files to back up our figures for the settlement. My accountant asked my lawyer if he wanted a joint meeting and my lawyer said emphatically NO! If he's at the meeting then H's lawyer can be at the meeting, along with H and me. I really want accountants to settle this since that's all there is to settle - no more drama!

My lawyer says this process should take several weeks.

As for the party, I plan to go, unless I hear anything new to change my mind...

So "it" continues, but it sounds like progress none the less.

Weeks eh? That seems long, but when we think of how long it has been going on, weeks seem insignificant.

Your going to the party. Good for you! I hope you have a great time and everything goes smoothly for you.

Karona

Hello everyone. I don't want to start a new thread, but I wanted to tell Still & Karona that I finally told BF that this was not a long term relationship, so I haven't heard from him since we talked on Sat.
My friends are worried, but I don't think I miss him, I miss the idea of having someone around. There were so many ENs that he didn't meet (or care to meet) and it really was a surface relationship with no depth, but it still feels weird. I finally told him because the thought of going to his aunt's house for Thanksgiving and having her think there'd be a wedding soon was far too much for me.
So, despite many invitations from friends, I plan to spend Thanksgiving alone and just relax. No pretense of happy families, no worries.
I wish you all a Happy Holiday.

Newly,

I'm glad you jumped in to let us know.

WOW, you've been seeing him for quite awhile right?
It will be weird, having that time again.

Do you think he felt differently? Do you think he was surprised?
I know the feeling you're speaking of. Assuming people are thinking because you've been dating X amount of time, the announcement will soon be made. In your heart, you know that most likely will not be happening, and you begin to feel false. In that case, it is the best decision, but not always an easy one.

I will be thinking of you Newly!

K!

Yes, 11 months now. When I said I didn't see this as long term, he said he did. Now, he's 46 and had no LTR's so red flags everywhere, but he also didnt' want to meet my kids, and really has no idea of the whole of my life. How he could think it was more is somewhat baffling to me.
I think I just didn't want to get out in the dating world again. Far too scary. And X is on a rampage threatening to fight for more custody - while not taking the kids when offered, so even the mediator was too frustrated. So, it's holiday time and I'm not feeling the spirit. Is anyone else thinking the same?

Oh, and my X has the kids from Tuesday until Sunday this week, so that throws me off too. The kids were upset about the fact that he gets 3 weekends in a row, they thought this was my weekend (and it was without the holiday). Amazingly, they had thought of that on their own. I hope to get alot done this weekend, and make it a really productive start to the holiday season.

That is a long time.
I'm not sure I understand where this man was coming from.
I really just don't understand his lack of not wanting to know the most special part of your life.

Maybe you will be more ready to enter the "world" now, and letting go of him will allow someone more meaningful to come into your life.

UGH, what is your x thinking?
I can understand your discouragement. It seems he is trying to make a point, of what I don't know, for fighting for more time. Why in the world would he want more time if he doesn't take more time when it's offered to him? Does it come down to paying you less? It's makes him look better on paper?

I'm hating it for you that your kids will be with their dad through this time. I guess I am fortunate in this regard. My x gave up [willingly] All major Holidays.

You will be in my thoughts Newly.
Karona

newly, I haven't really followed your story, but this is my first holiday season in two years without XBF and his family. The hints about marriage were definitely out there. I know what you mean about not wanting to get out in the dating world again, especially still being married even though WH left 5 years ago. XBF and I were friends and it became more than that. I wasn't going to date anyone else so I stayed with him for a long time. Since he wasn't interested in more either, I'm not sure why he stayed so long.

I miss being with someone during the holidays. I'm spending Thanksgiving with my only single woman friend - we're cooking and watching movies. She has a date on Friday and however it works out, I suspect she won't be single much longer. She's visiting her son and his family for a month over Christmas so I'll have to find some other way to survive Christmas.

Sorry you don't have your kids with you. Are you going to cook anything special for yourself? Do anything else special for yourself? BTW, do you have any good movie suggestions? Maybe we could watch movies "together"?