Hello all -

Although this is more appropriately a post for the D/D forum, I thought a larger audience would catch it here.

I am off to mediation this morning...it is a state-mandated step before the case is allowed to go to trial.

I am not looking forward to dealing with this, nor do I expect this to solve a darn thing...but I will go with a smile on my face, and at least some levity in my heart, if for no other reason than this marks another step closer to finally being through with this chapter of my life.

I know my STBXWW very well, and know that she will fight every inch of the way. I'd imagine that she will most likely cause the mediation to end prematurely, when the mediator senses how my STBXWW will not budge on many, if not all of the issuses discussed. We are so very far apart in our inventories it is laughable. She is trying to saddle me with half of her podiatry school debt, even though the affair started a mere 4 months out of school, and I will see none of the benefit of the schooling.

The other thing she fails to understand is that if she is indeed successful in assigning me said debt, I will promptly file for bankruptcy, and torpedo both of our credit ratings. I will most likely be returning to school sometime in the near future, and it will affect my credit much less than hers. It gets awfully expensive to start a practice up.

Well, wish me luck, and especially patience. God knows I will need it.

I will follow up later this evening.


TM

Let us know how it goes.

In His arms.

I am part way through mediation, and things don't look good. Mediator has taken our offer over, although it is much lower than I want it to be. Unfortunately, I was foolish in the way I didn't protect myself financially. My name was never put on our house, and the business we were developing never got incorporated...so although I contibuted immensely to the marriage, I will most likely get very little back out. She will get most of the assets...

I sure hope karma really does exist in this world.

Right now I soooooo want justice, but it seems the law cares very little for true justice. I hope vengence really is God's...how can he allow something so unjust occur without any repercussions?

Right now our initial offer is about half of what I wanted to come out with.

And it may go down from there.



TM

Unfortunately, the law cares nothing for justice. The courts go by the law, which very often has little to do with justice.

Sorry, but I am very cynical. I've been to court only twice in my life, and both times, the liar won. The only lesson I learned is to stay out of court if at all possible.

I believe there is a bit of justice to be had.

My ex-wife wanted only 20% of the debt since she made only 20% of the money, but wanted to split the marital portion of my 401(k) 50/50.

Well, she valued the home over $26K lower than it's real value, so her leaving her half of that on the table for me paid for the other 30% of the debt.

She still hasn't provided me with a QDRO to transfer her half of the 401(k) money either. I've asked twice and I will not ask again.

T

If you get saddled with half the debt for the school for her new career does that mean that you get half her income from that as well??? I have heard stories when one spouse helps their wife/husband pay for school they then can expect alimony of sorts. Maybe it might make her back off that idea! I am no lawyer but its just a thought!!

Well...it is finished.

I will be D'd by the 15th.

My lawyer wasn't very good...and told me some bad info in the beginning. A word of caution to those out there considering hiring a lawyer...get the most expensive one you can possibly afford.

Basically, I get all of my debts and she gets all of hers. She will pay for her lawyer to write up the D decree (about $5000.00).

The problem was that, although she was willing to take her school loans, and other debts run up recently, they still counted against the total value of the estate. So that means that the estate was worth a negative number, considering she had almost $250,000 worth of total debt. She created over $100,000 in debt since March. I have a feeling some of that money is sitting in a safety deposit box somewhere.

The property where we were developing a business venture was backed out of the D settlement. This is because the paperwork was never filed with either of our names on it. If I choose, I will have to persue that one seperately.

This is not what I thought it was going to be, but I guess it could have been worse. I figured I could have been more or less debt free at the very least, and have a decent chunk of change in my pocket if things went well.

Oh, well. Now I can finally move on with my life. Karma better exist, though. I don't think I can take any more hits right now.

Oh yeah, she even tried to keep the life insurance policy on my life after the D. I made sure she agreed to sign it over to me as part of the settlement. I don't want any ties to remain between us...and I certainly don't want her to have any vested interest in my demise!

I feel very sad about the way this ended. I still love her, despite the damage she has wreaked on my life, and despite the pain she has put me through. But I will never allow her back in to my life...even as a friend.

I am a bit surprised at my reaction to all of this, as I knew it was coming, but I have returned to the previous ineffectual state I was in shortly after d-day. I am sure this will be short-lived, but it still is a horrible way to exist.


TM

Hey buddy....
I'm sorry things didn't go as well as you would have liked.
At least it's just about over.
I still feel a lot of sadness about how things turned out in my M, I'm sure you will too for awhile. I guess it's part of the process.

Karma very much does exist. At the very least, it is a proven mathematical concept. But people who do things like this, ALWAYS have it come back and bite them.
And those who handle it properly, are rewarded. Sooner or later. Bad choices begat more bad choices.

Take care of yourself, and look and think towards the future.