Am I simply insane? Why do I want to "work it out" with a man for whom I feel only contempt, disappointment, mistrust, anger, resentment...not a positive feeling in the mix right now. Why do I bother with a man who would subject his pregnant wife and unborn son to the very real threat of STD-related infection or disease? (Oh; I forgot. Those women must've been too "pure" to be at-risk for any STD. After all, he LOVED them). Why am I here?!<P>Oh yeah: I'm LBing bigtime. But only here. That's what's killing me. He can say & do as he pleases, dredging up as many of my mistakes and faults as he can recall, and I'm supposed to be sweet as pie and not react. I'm supposed to "protect him from myself". Well, the only way for me to do that right now is to shut up. But I feel like I'll explode from all the pent-up emotions.<P>------------------<BR>"Some women wait for something to change and nothing does change so they change themselves." Audre Lorde<BR>

Faithfully,<BR>I can hear how much you are hurting and am so sorry. It is so amazing how even after all the hurt we can still want to "work it out" - but I think it is simply because we love our Hs, never stopped loving them and cannot just give up without trying, only to regret it later.<P>I personally do not believe that avoiding lovebusting means keeping everything in. You will drive yourself crazy in short order this way. Although I also know how difficult it is to share your feelings in a non-angry, non-judgemental way right now. But you still have the right to say how you feel and what you want - just try to avoid demands, etc. And in any case, lovebusting is totally understandable human reaction to what you are going through - so don't be too hard on yourself if you lose it occasionally.<P>Keep posting,<BR>Starpony

Thank you, Starpony, for your words of understanding. I'm usually sure that what I'm doing is the "right" thing to do, but other times--like now--I feel as though I'm just digging myself into a deeper and more inescapable hole.<P>------------------<BR>"Some women wait for something to change and nothing does change so they change themselves." Audre Lorde<BR>

Starpony is right - you can still tell how you are feeling through the assertive communication techniques.<P>I call it "employing emotional honesty."<P>It goes like this:<P>When ....(this happens nonjudgemental, non-accusatory<P>I feel....(name the emotion)<P>I need....(The change that will keep you from feeling this way...)<P>Good Luck<p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited August 16, 1999).]

I feel for you so much! I can't imagine what it has been like for you, having a new born and going through all of this. Just know that you have alot of friends here. <P>Jill