Hi all jsut having a bad day today and needed to say a few things to people who understand.

DDay was 27/06/2005. Married 4 years. 3 boys (mine) Have been through many ups and downs over these past few months. WH says he loves me and is committed (I am yet to see a total committment but i will leave that for another time)

I was just sitting here thinking today about it all.

This is a second marraige for both of us. And wnen I met my H he was so opposite to my first H. We really fell in love with each other. All my friends would always say you are so lucky to have found someone like my H. He didnt drink wasnt a sport nut . Yes we had difficult times His only vice was his computers, either repairing or fixing other peoples. Occasionally i would feel like a computer widow but i would just tell him we need to spend time together and we would he would understand. But to me that wasnt a hugh issue.

I was so proud of myself, H gave me back my self confidence, made me feel so special, I was so proud of my marriage and it felt so good that other people would comment on how happy I always looked.

But now after this I am so sad that he has done this to us.
I have found out a lot about my H since this has happened and i suppose you dont really know people.

Its sorta like Having made something so special that everyone who saw it would comment and now Its like it has a hugh hole in it and now nobody mentions it. If that makes sense.

Anyway thanks for listening. I sometimes feel like throwing in the towell somedays and just giving up. I am in plan A but am getting very tired. H is very attentive somedays but others he seems to withdraw into himself and i cant get in. Even though I so want to ask and ask him to tell me but i leave him be and he gets over it. He is slowly of his own accord removing himself from all clubs and forums associated with OW Even though there has been NC on his behalf for quite a while OW still feels she can butt in so to speak. He shows me text msgs etc and I can check his emails and he deletes everything straight away.

Anyway i do feel better now i have vented these feelings. Hoep everyone has a good day.

Sorry you are feeling so bad. You are still very early in this. It is true that your marriage will never be the same as before this happened. That is something that you will need to grieve.

But many here have gone on to have much better marriages than before. It is hard to believe, but happens all of the time. So hang in there.

Dear All2hard,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. The pain is unbearable, I know. Your w/h sounds like he is in withdrawel. Did you expose to friends and family? That is the big stick part of Plan A.

Thanks Believer and kidsheartbreak. I know it is early days but i think i am just hormonal today lol. Yes i believe wh is going through some sort of withdrawal. As to exposing yes everybody knows and most of the suburb i live in probably knows as well lol the old grapevine. He feels extreme guilt over this., He was the one who told his family his words to them were, "I have really ****** up big time, I had the prefect relationship". I still can't for the life of me work out why and he cant seem to explain why either. He has a lot of issues with things from his past that he has kept to himself and when i asked him why he couldnt talk to me about these things, that he had to go to someone else, he said "You are too close". He tried to explain a little of what that meant, as in if he felt bad about something.

EG He had to sell his Motorbike a while ago due to finiancial issues. He felt bad about that he was very quiet for a few days. But he explained that he felt that he always had to sell his things to get us out of financial difficulty but he knew that it was the only option and he didnt blame me for that it was just something that he had to deal with on his own and if he had of said those things to me, I woulda felt that he was blaming me. I can understand that a little bit. But my issue is he wont go and see anyone about these issues of keeping things locked up. And not being able to talk to me about things he ahs to go elswhere becuse he doesnt was to hurt me. Its a vicious cirle. And i dont want to nag at him about seeing my councellor He has said he will go but has not made an appointment. He is scared of having to open up to someone. And this is putting great strain on things because I told him in the beginning that until he fixes himself we cant fix us. And I am so scared that if these issues arnt resolved that it will just happen again down the track maybe it will maybe it wont but i don't know I would alwys be wondering.