Hello, I am new here. I found out about 3 weeks ago that my husband had a one night stand. He had a one night stand at the end of January. I knew that he had gone out and danced with girls b/c he came home and told me. But something just wasn't right. So here is my story.

When the one night stand happened. My husband and I had been married a year and 7 months. Our relationship was good in the fact that we loved each other very much. BUt it was seriously lacking in many things, such as Faith (I was a Christian he wasn't), views in drinking (He drank, I didn't), and just common respect for one another. I was so afraid of losing him that I allowed him to go out to clubs with out me and I just stayed home. I didn't go with him even though I was invited every time b/c I didn't drink and didn't like being in those situations, and b/c I am 30lbs over weight and I didn't feel comfortable. I had always been thin, but I gained 30lbs and was feeling terrible about myself. Well 2 weeks before this one night stand I started talking to my husband about wanting to go to church. He was very open to the idea. Which was good. Well 2 weeks later we still hadn't gone to church b/c he wasn't ready. But that didn't stop me from preaching the gospel to him. Which I think scared him a bit. Well, one weekend we decided to split up. He was going to San Antonio for a guys night out and I was having a girls weekend at our house.I asked who was all going to be there and he told me. My husband wasn't supposed to be home until Sunday evening around 5 or 6pm. So I was a bit suprised when he walked in the door at 8AM! It was a 3 hour drive home. I knew immediately something was wrong. But I couldn't ask him questions until all my girlfriends left. Well when they left he said that he needed to talk to me. I said ok. My heart was beating so fast...I just knew what he was going to tell me. He said "I need to confess about my weekend. I did a terrible thing and I hope that you will be able to forgive me" then he started crying. I said "spit it out! Just tell me" He said I can't. I said "Did you sleep with someone?" He said "no" and I said then what did you do? He said "I drank to much and on Friday night I went to a strip club and got 4 lap dances" I said "ok, and?" he said "and on Saturday night we went to a dance club and I didn't wear my wedding ring and I danced w/ girls." Then I started crying b/c that immediately hurt me more than the strip club thing. He went out clubbing and left his wedding ring on purpose as if I didn't exsist. He was acting like his single friends! He was the only one that was married. I was so hurt by his actions. But he promised that he was going to change and that he was giving up drinking (he drank A LOT on Fridays and Saturdays only, he just had it in his mind that those are beer drinking days, he never drank any other time during the week) Anyway he said that he felt terrible for hurting me like that and that he was ready to change and to go to church. So after I got over my initial shock. I forgave him. And we started working on our marriage. He quit drinking we started going to church. Everything has been so much better. But I always had a feeling in the back of my mind that something more went on b/c he was just feeling too guilty. I woke up several times in the night to him sobbing and praying to God in the guest bathroom, asking God to please forgive him. I never said anything to him that I knew he was crying and praying like that. I just kept waiting for him to come clean. But while waiting we kept living our life, going to church, and we even became the youth leaders of our church! I just couldn't believe how awesome our marriage had become. I mean it was even better than before. My Dad who is a preist invited my husband to Promise Keepers. A mens Christian Conference. That was 3 weeks ago. Well at the conference they spoke about the truth setting you free and coming clean. Well that spoke to my husband and he listened. When he came home from promise keepers, he confessed to me that the night that he had gone to the club, he wasn't dancing with random people. He had actually gone to the club w/ his friend that lives in SA and his group of friends. There was a girl there that was flirting with him all night and after the club they all went back to his friends house including the girl and he ended up sleeping with her. He didn't "finish" he was in the middle of the act when he said I can't do this. I am a married man. The girl had no idea that he was married. So I don't blame her at all. I was sick to my stomach as my husband was telling me all of this. But at the same time a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. B/c he finally came clean. I knew something worse had happened. B/c he was just feeling to guilty. He told me that he had tried to tell me so many times, but he just couldn't bear to hurt me and he was so afraid of losing me. He also told me that he litterally saw demons at night. They were so scary and they would yell at him saying "tell her"
As hard as it was for me to hear that, I was able to immediately forgive. B/c I had seen the changes that he had made and that he was truly a changed person and truly sorry for what he had done. I mean our whole marriage had changed for the better. Besides, I had a secret of my own that I had been keeping for far too long, and I confessed to him that night. My secret was about howmany people I was with before I met him. I had originally told him 2 and that he was my 3rd. But that was a lie. Before I had become a christian I was sleeping around w/ my guy friends. My husband was actually my 13th. He was so shocked, b/c he met me as a christian, not the wild person I was. We both discussed and were both glad that we had waited to tell each other the truth. B/c if he had told me right away that he had slept with someone it would have been over. B/c I wouldn't have believed that he was really going to change. But he did! And if I had told him the truth at the very begining of our relationship he said he probably wouldn't have stayed with me. B/c at that time I was only his second person. Of course now I know there was one more after me and I would be lying if I said it still didn't hurt, and that I still don't think about it, b/c it does and I do. But I am also thankful that it happend, b/c if it didn't, our marriage wouldn't be what it is today. OUr marriage is centered around Christ and we are more in love than ever. We are both still so young (I am only 23 and he is 26) we got married really young as well. I was only 20 and he was 23. So we were still very immature, and now we have both grown so much. And Christ is FIRST in our marriage. Our lives have turned around financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I hope that my story of forgiveness has helped some. We are living proof that your marriage can be better after something so painful happens.

Thanks for listening if you got this far.

Sky,
I am so glad you both have been able to put back your marriage. Now would be a great time to aquaint yourself with Harley's Principles by reading his His Needs, Your Needs book. Also since you are both so new at your marriage, it wouldn't hurt to read lovebuster's, to give your marriage the extra insurance for a long meaningful future.
One more thing, I would suggest that your husband give up the nightlife, as well as the single friends. You both need to acquire and do things with other married couples. It is bad news him having nights out with single men.

Remember Harley's philosophy,
Do the recreational things that you both enjoy together, to promote those feelings of love, and keep your husband from experiencing his best times with others, and excluding you from that.

Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am going to get his needs her needs.

My husband has stopped going out and hanging out with single friends. It all stopped that Sunday when he confessed the first part. He hasn't drank since, he hasn't gone out since, he stopped listening to bad music (as have I) We have changed everything about our marriage. That is why it was a lot easier for me to forgive him when he finally told me the whole truth b/c I had actually seen his change. I mean we are now the Youth Pastors at a church, that is how our life has changed. Our going out consists of dinner and a movie or bowling or picnics. We don't surround our selves in bad situations any more. We have both completely learned from this and our marriage is whole. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the reading reccomendations. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I am happy to hear you have both found a better lifestyle. I found Dr. Harley's His Needs, Her Needs through my daughter's in-laws who teach, His Needs, Her Needs classes at their church.
When I first heard my husband say that he didn't love me anymore, back in June, my first call was to my daughter's mother in law.
I then went on-line, ordered almost all Dr. Harley's books, and read them in record time, searching for something to make sense of my husbands declaration of not being in love with me anymore.
I later found out that he was having an emotional affair with the activities director at my mother in laws asssisted living facility.
These books and website have been a god send to me.
Maybe you can suggest his series of books as a marriage class at your church. Its not only for those that have strayed, but it is for those that want to make their marriages affair proof. I feel there is a great need for it in the churches.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Sincerely,
K.D's Heartbreak

You know you are right, I should. I think that it would be an amazing class and beneficial to everyone. I will bring it up to the pastor. No one knows about about my past or his one night stand and we aren't going to tell anyone, unless we end up counseling peoples marriages, which we may do one day. Thanks for your segguestions, I really appreciate it!