Thanks for the kind words, hoopsie and NZgirl. You know, everyone always says I'm such a strong person, but I usually start crying when people say that!

Jean, I swear, your WH and my WH are reading from the same script. When I mentioned Monday night about being a single parent, WH said, "You won't be a single parent. We'll both be single, but we'll be parenting together." Add that line to all the b-s he's said...
"I haven't walked away from my family."
"I think my relationship with DD will be better b/c she will understand and appreciate me being happy instead of unhappy."
"You're playing the breastfeeding card to interfere with my time with MY daughter."
"YOU'RE the one who needs to nurse. The benefits of breastfeeding are over."

I don't know if all that is the fog or if it's just male selfishness and shortsightedness in general.

DD is absolutely what keeps me going. B/c she is so young and requires constant care/entertaining, it's easy to get so busy with her that I can push things out of my mind for a little while. Then when she's asleep, that's when I fall apart and sob to my mom on the phone. For the first few weeks, I could hardly look at her without crying. Especially when she falls asleep in my arms after I nurse her, because she is so peaceful, so content, so innocent. I mourn for the future she should have but won't.

Stay strong, Hoopsie. And take care of yourself so you can take care of your precious babies. They need you now more than ever. Do you have family nearby who could help you out if you needed a break for some mommy time? I don't have family around here, but I do have a lot of friends who have offered to babysit. Take people up on their offers to help! Maybe you could keep a list of things that you need help with. That way, when someone asks if there's anything they can do to help, you can pick something off the list right away to ask for.

Spend some quality time with the kids. Take them to a park. It'll give them a chance to burn off some energy, and you will get a chance to be outdoors, which can be very therapeutic.

If you can, try some counseling. I see my counselor once a week, which is really helpful to me. If you can't find one, try your pastor.

Take a bath after the kids go to bed, go get a manicure or new haircut, or do what I do... invest in a tub of your favorite ice cream!

SadMom, gee that makes sense: "you won't be a single parent, but we'll both be single..." And if he hasn't walked away from his family, exactly what is it he thinks he's done??? I asked my H if that's really the story he wants to give his DD when she starts asking about her baby stories -- "well, Molly, you were such a cute baby and I adored you so much that I started an affair when you were 5 months old."

FWIW, in that memoir I mentioned above, the woman said that being a single parent was actually kind of freeing in a way she would have never imagined. She got to create the kind of home and environment SHE wanted without having to compromise with anyone. Soft music during dinner instead of her H watching the news? Done! Exotic recipes instead of her H sniffing at anything that wasn't meat and potatoes? Done! Chick flicks instead of the umpteenth viewing of Star Trek? Done! Of course, it was still hard but she said many of her married friends didn't pity or feel threatened by her so much as kind of envied her.

So, I read that and get encouraged, and then I read the article in the NYTimes today about a huge study on the negative effects of divorce on kids and I get discouraged and angry and sad.

Have a good weekend, and hang in there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />