I seemed to have been getting advice saying I needed to take iniative to repair things. I had always felt close with H's aunt so I sent her an e-mail. She was actually very responsive and kind.

After other attempts at repairing broken relationships with some of H's friends and co-workers and a decent response from H afterwards, I seemed quite pleased about my current iniative.

This was apparently mistake #1.

H called last night and talking to him was already mistake #2. All day long, I had felt incredibly emotionally unstable. I even started crying when I realized I was out of bread. Talking to my H in that kind of emotional state was a really bad idea, because he ended up getting really frustrated and annoyed with me.

And then I brought up my e-mails with his aunt and he seemed to be even more upset.

And of course while we were on the phone, he used a lot of LB and that just made me feel even worse and want to cry more.

Last night really sucked.

cinny, you need to choose.

You can't "blame" others for their advice, or for your husband's reactions.

The pain he is dealing with is enormous, and he's only been an "adult" and a "husband" for a very short time. Almost all of his experience has been as a "child," "teenager," and "young adult." What's the ONE thing in common with all of those stages? Behaving in response to EMOTIONS, hormones, anything other other than logic, much less forgiveness of perceived or real "wrongs." POSSESSIVE, self-centered, and a "better than 'you'" attitude.

Just HOW do you think "repairing things" with others is going to help your attempts at recovery? None of that matters unless they are followed in the "order" prescribed by God. God first, person sinned against second, people affected by the sin third. Get them out of order, and expect chaos when the "sin" in question is a "big sin."

Concentrate on YOUR relationship with Christ and leave the rest up to God in HIS timing, not yours.

(((((cinnymd)))))

It IS hard emotionally. Be patient, it IS going to take a lot of time, especially with the "advice" your husband has been getting. Don't give him the opportunity to see what you are trying to do as "cinny is just trying to manipulate me into staying." NO MATTER the real motivation of your efforts, his PERCEPTION will rule.

God bless.

Forever,

I am not blaming anyone. And I am concentrating on my relationship with Christ first, and my relationship with my H second. As I see those things improving, I have been praying about other things I can do. I only e-mailed his aunt after a lot of prayer and receiving the same answer over and over.

I sent H an e-mail this morning trying to explain my rationale in e-mailing her:

So first let me explain one of the reasons that I e-mailed your Aunt Amy . First of all, it was honestly something that I felt God had led me to do. This was even before you had mentioned anything about going out there for Thanksgiving. I had prayed a lot about it and when you mentioned Thanksgiving, it felt like the right time. There were a few reasons why I felt like God was putting this on my heart. Rome and Amy always came across to me as the people in your family that sort of put things together in your family. When Andy had problems with Rick … they were there. Anytime something was up with Monica … they were there. I also felt like Amy was someone that I could talk to if I ever needed it. Additionally, Amy seemed to be close enough to the situation to have a vested interest, but far enough removed from the situation to separate emotions … much like Chris is for you. And I don’t have any wise Christian women that could be there for me. Yes, there might be some older women at church that would be willing to offer, but they only have half of what I need. They aren’t anyone who truly have a vested interest or really truly know either of us. I don’t think I necessarily expected anything like that when I e-mailed her, but she seemed to offer it in her e-mail.

Cinny, Just keep working on who you are in Christ, keep working on your relationship with your husband and it's restoration. The repairing of relationships with your husband's friends and co-workers will form as you repair your relationship with your husband. Let God's work be evident to others as they see it working through you and not you working on your own.

Chris's aunt if she is willing to talk with you and list and be a mentor to you, then I hope he will understand. It would be good to let him know as you did that you don't mean to be doing anything that is going against him, but you are only doing it to help the both of you. You are looking for wisdom and guidance from a family member who would care. And like FH said, your husband is young and has a lot to learn about emotions. Pray for him that God would help define him as a man who understands forgiveness and how to deal with life.

I did let my H know. He won't be in to work until much later tonight, so it will most likely be a while until he reads it. Until then, I will stay silent and give him time to think.

In the mean time, please be praying for me. Emotionally, I am still feeling really awful. Normally, being around my kids at work is the only time I feel somewhat normal, but today it is taking every ounce of energy I have not to cry and I am on the verge of breaking down.

Cinny,
You seemed to be walking in my shoes. I too am the WS and am trying to repair my marriage. I've made huge mistake in our marriage and trying to recover has been tough. But your story seems so close to home..let me know if you would like to talk further. My H is really having a tough time with my A. We are in MC. but he continues to LB daily as he is hurt and angry at me. But I'm here for you....I too am an emotional wreak...

Hurt and scarred

I always find it helpful to talk to people who know what I am going through. I will post my e-mail address (for about 10 minutes or so) and then delete it (don't wnat too many people to get a hold of it) ... ***E-MAIL DELETED**

Cinny...I got busy as I'm at work and missed your email..can ya post it again real quick..I'll watch for it.

Hurt~

Did you get it, hurt?

no not yet....can ya send it again ..we keep missing each other

Post deleted by Ihrtthe1Ilove

Hurt,

Well finally were on at the same time. I sent you an e-mail, so you can delete that post.