Well got a couple of notices yesterday, that if the gas and electric are not paid by next Fri(Nov 11), that they are going to shut them off. Also on the 15th of this month the water is due which is 2 months past due, the trash, and car insurance are also 2 months overdue in jeopardy of being canceled. Well I have been in Plan B since Oct 13, WH knows that these bills are overdue or has he forgotten that we still exist, I do not want to break Plan B and tell him to pay these. So how do I get him the message to get these bills paid? Do I borrow the money from FIL/MIL to pay them which I'm sure they would give him an earful for not supporting his family, I have already tapped out my family. I don't start getting Child Support for another couple of months. So what do I do? Thanks for your help!

Plan B is all about staying very dark, but it doesn't include letting the WS shirk his responsiblities. I would definitely write him a short letter. Also I would talk to his parents.

Then I would go to the social services agency in your area and apply for some kind of aid. I see you have 5 children who need support. Let the agency know that dad has walked, and you need emergency help.

Thanks believer for replying,
I thought about sending him an email but I didn't know if it was a good idea.

I already receive aid but let me tell you it is only enough to cover gasoline, diapers and the bare essentials. I also receive food stamps, which has been a godsend.

I just don't get how he could care less about the kids and how they are getting by.

BUMP^

lashell,

I am in the same sitch you are....

Gas was turned off yesterday, cable last week and phone over a month ago....

I have car insurance due as well. So I am getting all of this together and letting my SIL give it to WH.

Good thing I have a job now but its still not enough.
I agree with believer call your MIL/FIL and ask for help if they will give it to you, let them deal with WH.

I have now filed for LS and have court in a few weeks. So if I can make it through another few weeks WH will have no choice but to do the right thing. Have you checked into do that? I would think about it if I were you...

Keep praying and have faith in God.... Things will get better, I know it does not seem that way but it will....

Get strong and show WH he can' walk on you... Make him pay...


Hurting

Hello Hurting,

Glad to hear from you, I have been following your sitch. Seems as if I am walking down the same path as you are.

You have been an inspiration and I know that things are going to work out for the both of us.

With five young kids, it is so hard to just out and get a job (childcare w/b $400/week).

I have talked to a couple of attorneys about a D and LS to protect the kids and I. My problem now is coming up with the money for a retainer. But they did say that there is an excellent chance of making WH pay for all my attorney fees-I just need the money up front. Hopefully, I can find an attorney-like you did-to take little or nothing just to get it started. With alimony and CS-I will have plenty of money to pay them then but I wouldn't have to.

I'm thinking about just calling my MIL/FIL for the money that way they can fuss at WH for not supporting his kids. I think he needs a reality check right now. I kind of have a feeling that he is wanting me to contact him but I will not even go there.

Lashell,

Yes the road we are on seems alomost idetical...

I pray you will find a lawyer who will help you. It took me awhile and many phone calls but I finally found one.

I understand about the children. I am lucky enough mine are older so I don't have the childcare problems.

Please do call your inlaws and ask for help. I have had to call people I never thought I would yo get help. Let me tell you eveyone of them have come through. You will be surprised how many people will come to your aid.

I agree WH needs to have some reality come to him, and doing the LS papers will give him some. Not saying it will take him out of the fog but sure will let him know you are not playing anymore. Be strong and stand up for you and the kids because he sure isn't doing it....

Things will work out and we will make it.... I promise you that with or without our H's we will survive and be better and stronger people for it....


Hurting

Lashell:

Disclaimer: What I am about to say to you is not likely to help save your marriage.

I would say the "******" with PLan B or any of that stuff, and do everything humnaly possible to fight for what is right for your kids. If you are getting federal aid (Food stamps, etc..), your despicable cheating husband should be getting a nice call from the federal govt to "pay up". What are you hoping to gain by doing Plan B? I am so furious at your WH for doing this to you, I would galdly pay for a front page ad of your local paper explaining to the whole community what he has done.

Why Plan b him? What do you hope to gain? Your marriage? Your sactity? What?

Lem

Hey Lem,

You know I have thought about calling him up and just letting him have it-really have it.

I am trying to get the money to file for a D or LS but I am leaning more toward a D b/c to be honest, I am really starting to despise him. How can he treat these innocent children like this-what a pr*ck.

And I wish the govt would speed up the child support process-gosh it has been 3 months already and I have a couple of more to wait according to case worker.

No wonder he is getting away with so much crap-he has suffered no consequences(a least financially) for his actions. At times I feel that they are on his side. What is taking so long-hello I have 5 small kids here whose father is making lots of money but don't seem to give a **** about taking care of them.

The Plan B is for me and my sanity b/c right now honestly if I were to see him I would probably end up in prison for assault or something worse.

And as far as my M goes, I don't know but right now I don't want him back, I just want him to take care of his responsibilities.

Sorry this is so long but I have been having a longgggggg week:

Got a call from BIL from CA on Monday about noon, which happens to be WH birthday, apparently he, SIL, and kids have been in town since Fri. Well he said he wanted to see kids before they left Tuesday but it sounded kind of fishy to me b/c he waits a day before he leaves to see them and also he wanted to come pick them up, take them to FIL/MIL then bring them back. I said why don’t you just visit them here but he said he did not want to. I told him to call me back around 4pm when they got home from school and I would let him take them.

Then I called MIL to see if she got the message to WH about the gas being shut off if not paid by Thursday. She starts acting weird saying that she didn’t tell him b/c she doesn’t want to be in the middle of this. Well apparently they now don’t care that WH is not providing for the kids or seeing them. Then she lets it slip out that they are having a party tonight for his B-Day and that he would probably see them tonight then we ended the convo.

MIL calls me back about 10 minutes later and says that she talked to WH about the bills and that he said that I can call him. MIL also tells me that she told WH that it was up to him if he wanted me at his party but he would have to be the one who invites me.

Well in the meantime I got a call from my best friend reminding me of dinner arrangement tonight that I totally forgot about. I called BIL and told him that we have other plans but next time to let me know sooner when they are in town that way I can make arrangements for them to see the kids.

Ten minutes later I get a call from WH saying “hello, I understand that some bills needed to be paid”, I told him all the bills that needed to be paid, he said, “okay” but before I could hang up the phone he said, “is there a reason that you are not letting BIL take the kids for tonight” I said that the kids and I have other plans. WH says “okay” then hangs up.

Thursday:

What a day, my van breaks down. Luckily, I got it home when it went berserk and stopped on me. Called WH and told him the van broke down he said sarcastically “call your brother”. I said what if he can’t fix it, then he said “I don’t know, I don’t have any money b/c I spent it for a lawyer, I filed for D and you should be served in about a week or so.” This is good, now I don’t have to worry about paying a high retainer for an attorney b/c I wanted to file anyways to protect the kids and I and to also receive CS and SS.

I asked if he would use his CC to rent me a car until I can figure out something b/c the kids and I have absolutely no transportation to get anywhere, the doctor in case of an emergency , store for food or wherever. WH said “well I don’t have anymore credit cards and as far as food, I can drop you guys off some groceries this weekend.

I asked him did he resign from being the father of our kids b/c he had not seen them in over a month, he said that the attorney was drawing up a custody plan and that he would go by that since things were not so good between us.

I asked him if he had paid the bills he asked about Monday, he said that he took care of most of them and the others he would take care of when he got more money but not to worry about anything getting shut off.

He also told me that he got served his CS order from the state. (Hallelujah)

My brother who works on cars came over to look at the van and said that it was the head gasket and that he could not fix it. We called around and the only place that can fix it is the dealership which is going to cost $1300. Why is this happening to me now? My brother told me that I would be better off just trading it in and getting a new one. One problem-I don’t have a job yet so how can I get a car. Thank God tax season starts in January, which is when I go to work. But I need a car now.

I called WH to tell him that my brother could not fix it and only the dealership could which it is going to cost $1300. I told him that my brother told me that I would probably be better off trading it in. And if I were to do that then I would most likely need a cosigner b/c I have no income until I start getting the CS and start my job in January, being that he is the one with a job right now. WH surprised me and said that he did not have a problem with helping me get a car or anything else like that. I was shocked b/c I thought that he would be very angry about the CS order he was served and for the fact that he has been a jerk just a couple of hours ago.

All in a matter of a couple of hours, his attitude has changed, I won’t hold my breath. Now he is willing to help my get a new car or try to come up with the money to get it fix, I wonder what changed his mind. He then asked if he had any mail here b/c his loan papers for his new car should be coming to the house.

He ended the conversation telling me to see if I can borrow someone’s car for a about a week or two until he can figure out something or/and come up with the money. Then told me to see what I can do also about trying to figure out what would be the best thing to do fix it or trade it in.

I just don’t know how to take his willingness to help? Is this a sign that he does still have a heart and still cares about the kids and me. I am certainly welcoming is help?

I have been thinking a lot about what Ark said about not doing a good Plan A, and was wondering if I can start another Plan A even though we do not live together. I think he would be more receptive now since he is starting to let his anger towards me go a little bit. What do you guys think?

If you got this far, thanks for reading all of this, I am glad that you did.

I think maybe when he met with his attorney to draw up the divorce papers and custody plan the attorney told him that he must get involved in providing and taking an interest in the kids or else risk getting slammed in court.

Or the custody plan he's come up with he does not think you will be agreeable to so he better butter you up for the next few weeks and see how you react to his paperwork. If so, go along for the ride till you get a ride.

Just a maybe.

Wish I had a car to lend you. Sorry for your sitch. That birthday party sounds like so much fun...not!

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - If your in Plan B it really sucks that you have to reach out and depend on him for anything other than bills. Sometimes life interferes...get a car and go dark again.

lashelle, why does he have money for a new car for himself but no money to support his family? grrr...sorry this really ticks me off. Have you thought about calling the utility companies and telling them you have children in the home and can't be without your gas/electric/water?

Mr Wonderings,

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I was kind of wondering if he was trying to butter me up too. And I don't think that he really is that interested in seeing the kids that often, I wish that he would see them more but I think it is the quilt that keeps him from them.

I hoped that he did indeed file and that attorney knocked some since into his head.

FF,

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I ticks me off that he can find a way to rent him a car and purchase a new one. I did call the utility companies and that said that WH promised to pay them next Friday when he gets paid so they will not shut anything off. I hate having to put my trust in him.

lashell:

One word of caution. Do not sign ANYTHING until you have a lawyer look at it.

Remember, he has contacted a lawyer and his lawyer is drawing up the papers. Now, his lawyer is working for HIM, not you. His lawyer is looking out for HIS best interest. He is being paid to WIN, and nothing else.

In other words, his lawyer is trying to get HIM the best deal he can. Surely, his lawyer told him to start supporting his family because if it goes to court, he has no chance of anything if he continues to leave you and your children high and dry.

But, you need to get a lawyer. You can countersue for lack of a better term to have him pay for your lawyer fees when you settle.

Keep records, keep the old bill stubs and if you have them, all the shutoff notices.

Right now, his lawyer is probably just shaking his head because he has no chance at winning any kind of settlement and thus he will be merely giving his lawyer some easy money.

But you do need representation. I repeat, do not sign anything even if you think it is fair. His lawyer is working for HIM and not you.

p47d

Dear lash, and Hurting,
My heart is breaking for your troubles. Its so hard when us b/s's are so dependent on our w/h for support. We are way too vulnerable.
Your situations drop the b/s right to their knees. I know in my heart Jesus will take care of the innocent children and b/s. He will also deal with the w/s that are ignoring their obligations, let alone the emotional needs of their children.
Hang in there!!!!
Prayers coming your way {{{Lash and Hurting}}}

Thanks P47D for replying and thanks for the advice. I will make sure not to sign anything and hire an attorney to look out for the kids and I. I will also make sure to start documenting everything and keep those shut off notices and the past due bills.

Thanks kds, I could use those prayers right about now, I feel like this is starting to take it's toll on me. I have been crying all day thinking that God had forgotten about me. It seems like WH is paying no consequences for his actions and that everything bad is happening to the kids and I, like I am the one who is doing wrong. Keep praying for my strength and faith.

WH called and asked for the kids this evening. I said yes and asked if he could watch them overnight b/c I had had them for over a month nonstop and I needed a break. He called back and said that MIL said that they could spend the night but DS (9 months) could not. So he has to bring the baby back tonight (He has been avoiding seeing me so I am just curious how this is going to go).

WH just left from picking up the kids and it was not pretty. DS (9 months) was screaming "ma ma"-I could hear him all the way in the house. So my DD (9) came back in the house with him and said that daddy said that he couldn’t go b/c he is screaming for you. Now how does he expect the baby to act around strangers <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />(WH is not active in their lives)

Well I told her to take the baby back to daddy and tell him that he has to go too b/c I have plans tonight (I really don’t, well not the kind of plans that he may be thinking). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> So WH ends up taking the baby.

Well I am going to go doll myself up (like I did go out) so when he drops baby off tonight he will see what he’s been missing.

WH just called and asked what time will I be back so he’ll know when he could drop off baby. I told him around 10pm or so. Then I kindly asked if baby has calm down. He said yes, then hung up as if he were mad. Oh Well! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

So how did I do?

Lashell:

I am confused here a bit...why is that you want to "doll" yourself up and fake like you have been out.

What are you tring to accomplish? Do you want him back in your life as your husband?

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

She just wants to look pretty!

oh....ok...I thought it was because she just wanted to play games with him...."my bad".

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />