Hey Guys,

The kids and I caught that stomach virus last Thursday evening, that is why I have been away for a few days. We are all better now and doing well.

I emailed STBXWH Wed to watch that kids this weekend b/c I had alot of things to take care of. Of course, he did not call me until Fri and said that he could only watch them all day Sun b/c he had a tournament all day Sat. (of course, OW son is in it). He won't even let his own kids do boxing or karate anymore. Well I guess they better enjoy it while they can b/c when we divide our assets that will have to be divided somehow b/c it is marital property, so it is 50% mine's as well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Well it is after 5pm and still have not heard from him. What a jerk. (And he wants joint custody) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Hey Lady,
Yeah I hope that my MIL and I can get along for the kids sake anyway. About the bills, everything is coming due again hopefully he can take care of them. I know that God will provide if he doesn't.

WOF5,
I am trying to maintain a decent relationship with MIL, I think she is embarrass or feels bad about how her son is behaving (she could not look me in the eyes the whole time I was there). The kids and I went over there today after church, b/c she did not come to church today, to let the kids try on the coats. They could not fit them but FIL wrote me a check for $125 to get them a new ones-it's a great start. We stayed for a few minutes doing small talk then we came home. I will continue to take the high road. The kids are baking cookies and making cards for them for Christmas.

I just can't believe that he stood up the kids today, this is the first time that he has ever stood them up. I have a feeling that the kids better get use to this. The kids do not deserve this at all.

^BUMP UP^

Hi Lashelle,

Glad to hear you and the children are all feeling better. We caught the same virus about a month back, one after the other, a 2-day thing.

That is so sad that WH didn't show up for the children. So thoughtless and uncaring of him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I don't think he will have much of a chance in the custody dept. for sure.

How are the children feeling today about it?

Lady

Hey Lady,

Yeah, I'm glad we are better. I have not been sick in a couple of years-no kidding-not even a cold. I forgot what it felt like. And this is also the first time that all the kids have been sick at the same time, of course, I couldn't really be sick for taking care of them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I think they are okay, they have not even mentioned it again. Next time I just won't tell them that he is suppose to come and get them, that way when he doesn't show they won't be disappointed.

I just can't believe that he did not show. And that I have not even heard from him.

Oh btw, he actually made a house payment Friday, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I can't believe it. What is going on with him?

Ahhhh, a house payment!!! What has gotten into him lately? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well he'll be paying more than a freakin' house payment soon! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Lady

Hey Lady,

I'm ROTFL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I figured that he would stop paying everything after filing for the big D and after being served with CS papers.

Yeah, he will be paying alot more than that soon, that is why I don't get it. Maybe he is up to something or maybe he is starting to realize that he is going to lose everything. Maybe I am wishful thinking.

Lashelle, You know what I wanted to do today, I WAS SO ANGRY!

I wanted to put this in the local newspaper under the marriage section.

{{{{{{OUR WEDDING PICTURE}}}}}}

** ANNOUNCEMENT **

HE COMMITTED ADULTERY 4 YRS LATER! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

(((lashelle))),

I have been following your thread and just wanted to give you a hug in support. I am also a SAHM with kids at home with a WH doing the financial minimum.

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your kiddos.

{{{Lady}}}

Sorry. I know what you mean. There are times at church when people ask me about STBXWH that I just want to say that he is the scum of the earth and that he abandoned us. But then I think about the kids and I then I just say please pray for him.

{{{Jean36}}}

I have been following your sitch as well. Thanks for the hug and one back to you. I will keep you and your kiddos in my prayers.

Well just emailed STBXWH about the trash bill.

He emails me back and says the he can't pay it until the 12/16 but if he gets more money before then he will pay it.

He mentioned nothing about standing up the kids Sunday.

I think it is time to do another very dark Plan B, since the D is filed and CS should take effect soon and I really have nothing else to say to him. It is obvious that he could care less about us now and I think he is getting deeper and deeper into the fog.

Lashelle:

What is it that you want to accomplish by doing "another very dark Plan B".....? Maintain love for the Wayward Spouse? Maintain your sanity? Try and "lure" him back by tuning him out? What????

I am failing to see what is it that you want here given the fact that you have a CS order and are divorcing him? Seems to me, "trying" as best you can to coparent with him (probably moronic to even say this) and co-existing with him may be your best bet.

Like it or not, your Cheating, low down , rotten scoundrel husband (sorry, that slipped....<slapping my face> will be in your LIFE forever, and "plan B'ing" for life will NOT be the way that you can best work with him (if possible) to best suit your children's needs.

Don't get me wrong here, I am not judging you or offering you an opinion on any of your actions thus far, I just am questioning what you are hoping to gain from doing a "another dark Plan B". I don't get it.

Are you still harboring "hope" for a restored marriage?

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lemonman: Call me crazy but I think I am still harboring hope.

I won't call you crazy.....not my "right" to do that. This clears things up for me though.

I don't have advice for you though. Just "best wishes"....sadly, and I don't gain any ounce of satisfaction from saying this...but based on your WH's actions OVER time, you'll need all the "best wishes" you can get with him. This is your life and those of your 5 children....ALL of you will eventually reap the benefits or pay the consequences for YOUR decicions now. Take that any way you want. Whatever works for YOU. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

In friendship,

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Lem,

I just believe that my STBXWH is not my H.

Don't get me wrong, I am going to continue with the D, for the financial protection anyways. I just believe that an alien has taken over but when all the "fog" clears and he hits rock bottom then my real H shall return. Thanks for the "best wishes".

I was just sitting here reflecting on my life in the past year and a half. STBXWH 1st A, recovery, new baby, STBXWH 2nd, maybe even 3rd A, now he filed for D. I'm just trying to figure out how did things got so bad between us, how we drifted so far apart. Now he can't talk to me, he rarely sees the kids, he NEVER has called and talk to them, to tell them goodnight, he NEVER has shown up for any of their activities since we have been separated.

I remember when our neighbors went through a D about a year and a half ago. STBXWH was so critical of neighbor, asking how could he do that to his family and especially the kid. He always felt so sorry for the kids and had always said how bad he felt for her. Now he is doing the same thing to his 5 kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I remember when our neighbors went through a D about a year and a half ago. STBXWH was so critical of neighbor, asking how could he do that to his family and especially the kid. He always felt so sorry for the kids and had always said how bad he felt for her. Now he is doing the same thing to his 5 kids.

Lashelle, I know it's mind boggling, and I wouldn't want his mind right now. It seems like a double betrayal, because not only is he being a WH, but he's being a dead beat dad too!!
He is plagued with evil evil fog. Trust me Lashelle, he is going to hit bottom, and I won't be surprised if he loses everything, plus his own mind, if he hasn't already. I have a bad feeling of where he is going to end up in this Lashelle. It's going to get worse for him.

I only pray the Lord blesses and keeps you and the children safe.

Lady

You are right, this man is not the man you once knew.....but he is in there somewhere!

Trust me when I say that it is possible for him to return.

Please do not listen to the name calling. I know how hurtful it can be when you are mourning the loss of your husband and father of your children. We do not need others to point out the obvious, thank you very much! WE know that our ws's are being idiots....that's why we are in so much pain, we just don't understand the dramatic change!!

Your situation is NOT beyond hope!!!

Plan B will protect you from his foggy chaos....and protect your love for him.
He WILL hit bottom.....and when he does that will be the best chance for recovery....BUT you have to be in a good place yourself in order to make good decisions and be the "lighthouse" to guide him out of the fog.
That does not mean you do all the work, it means that you present a safe place for him....if he believes that coming home means endless punishment....he won't choose that.....if he knows in his heart (and he does) that you remember him as being a man of integrity, it will help him to regain that integrity. If he thinks you believe he will always be a "cheating, low-down, scoundrel Husband", then he will keep running.....

You will need to be compassionate and strong.
The WS needs as much support for healing as the BS! It is a two-way street and anyone who does not believe that will FAIL in RECOVERY!

My FWXH was as horrid as yours....with issues of support, seeing his children, all of it! It was unbelievable....this was NOT the man I knew!!!

I am happy to report that although we are divorced, (I too had to do it for financial reasons), we are now back together almost 6 mos! We continue to heal together. We are very happy and making the best of our time together!! With his head screwed back on tight his heart has returned to the right place as well.....and it's interesting now to hear his version of the A and what it was like for him....many things that I did, made it harder for him to do the right thing and come home, we were both stubborn...we lost over 2years and I wonder if I had done Plan B successfully if the A would have ended sooner. He doesn't fully understand why he did what he did....he said he never stopped loving me.....but together we are putting the pieces of the ADDICTION picture together....

PLAN B!!!!

It's all about Protection!

My "best wishes" are heartfelt and supportive of your hopes to recover your marriage!!
ISN"T THAT WHY WE ARE HERE!

Hang in there!

Hey Lady,

I was doubting that he would ever hit bottom admittly b/c his pride just wouldn't let him. But I now know that he will hit bottom. I am just afraid that it is going to take losing everything and that it will be too late for me.

I never thought in a million years that he would ever treat the kids this way, you are right it is mind boggling.


So what are you thinking that is going to happen. I'd like to know. And I know that the Lord will continue to keep the kids and I safe.

Thanks Lady,
LaShell

Hey Shugah,

Thanks for giving me a little hope that my real H is somewhere in this alien body and can possibly return.

Thanks for the enlightment on Plan B and being a "lighthouse". And you are right, I do need to show more compassion toward him. I am very stubborn also. I'd love to hear more about the journey you two have endured. I think I can successfully do a Plan B now with all of the financial things out of the way.

I think he needs to lose everything to realize what he is doing. Sometimes I just feel that he wants to move on with his life w/o me in it b/c he does not love me anymore. I can't get any answers out of him b/c he won't talk to me. It is like he is Plan B'ing me also. He even told me before that he doesn't want me to care anymore about him.