Post deleted by betrayed3

You are doing things right, but having DNA done. Let her be ticked off. She probably has the fantasy that it will be ow/your H/oc as a little unit. She is wrong. It is ow with oc and your husband is with you and your child as a unit.

As for calling and telling him what she needs for oc? LOL. Once child support is set up, there it is. Done and over. Do not send her a thing. That is her responsiblity to provide for her child. You will be paying child support, and what that is what it is for, the childs needs. DO NOT SEND HER A THING. How dare she send a list? What does she think child support is for? Also, until that child is proven to be his, you owe it nothing.

Do not ever do this as a side deal. You go to court with it and have it all taken care of legally. That is the only way it will ever be peacefull. If she says it will get ugly, imagine what it will be without legal protection. Ignore her and do what is best for your family. What she wants is a moot point in your marriage. DO NOT DO THIS ON THE SIDE, DO IT LEGAL. Why is she afraid of the courts? Maybe she is afraid you will take the child from her?

As far as making sure oc does not come to your home? LOL. She has a lot of learning to do doesn't she? If that child proves to be his, not only does he have as much right to that child as she, but if she continues to play games, she could lose that child. She can't keep that child from it's father cause she was dumped. To bad for her if she doesn't want that child at your house. She is going to learn a hard lesson here, and that is once DNA is established and CS set, she really has no rights to tell your husband what he can and can't do with his own child on on his time. She can fume and whine all she wants, she does not have power over your husband and the law. She can fuss all she wants, just ignore her.

This is where many ow lose their minds. She is now realizing that she really has no rights or say as to what you and he decide to do. If you want to have that child in your home, she can't say no. If you don't want child in your life, she can't force it on you. Heck you can go for and get a shared custody arrangement if that is what you and he want. All the decisions are up to you and your husband. Do what is best for you and your family and disregard her wishes. She doesn't matter.

I don't know about TN law, but a good attorney is a must here.

Just make sure you do this all legally.

I love her manipulation as far as your husband being with his step son. LOL How typical of a OW to use manipulative tactics. A good laywer will fire off a letter to her and tell her to not contact either of you for anything at all, or face harrassment charges if that is what you want. You can make her deal with your attorney only. You do not have to put up with her at all. Look into it.

I just did a quick google search and found these.

Stop all contact with OW, do the DNA, and go through the courts if the child is your H's. The OW is whistling out her rear end. Oh, and if you don't already have one, get an answering machine and let her spew her garbage into it. Save the tapes. Don't answer the phone when she calls.


Tennessee Visitation Guidelines

Law on Divorce and Child Custody - Tennessee

Tennessee Code : TITLE 36 DOMESTI...ART 3 VISITATION : 36-6-301. Visitation

Hey B, I'm in TN. I will tell you first off there is NO need to run and do seperation papers so you can get C/S set up for yours. Don't matter here. Also if you are planning C, get your co-parenting plan done. Be realistic, keep your noses clean. Depending on which co you are in, get ready! Here is my email address mbsunnyd@yahoo.com feel free to email me. If your planning N/C, get your letter ready and sit back and wait til the DNA comes up and go from there. Get ALL the info you can get as far as Tn and the co that you live in. Feel free to email me if you like.
Sunny

Listen to those ladies, especially LynnG, who I personally believe will have me on my way.

Contacting attorney's as we speak to get even clearer on certain issues.

Well of course let us know what the results are of the dna test.

I would not have any contact with the ow if I were you or your H. Keep a record of all the threats and the answering machine is a GREAT Idea. especially voice mails she may have sent to you on your cells.

Tell her to Bring it if she has to as far as oc goes... i feel she is fearful of the child not being your husbands. So as of right now go with that and think of everything as an empty threat.

if you can afford an attorney get a good one Talk to many diff ones before you decide which one to pick believe me they all have a diff view. Even if you feel you cant afford an attorney do it anyway because in the long run you will be thankful you spent the money.

Post deleted by betrayed3

Take a deep, long, slow breath in your nose, and hold it for about 8 seconds, then slowly release it through your mouth. Do that a few times to calm down. That will save your sanity a bit!!

So, this trollop keeps changing her story! Interesting. But, you need to stand tall, grab ahold of your life and start setting things up the way you want them to be. This is not a dress rehersal afterall!

Ok, does your husband and MIL get upset when she intrudes upon them? If so, a letter from an attorney can stop the harassment. I agree with the recorder, let her vent into a machine.

Now, you need to prepare for the worse and hope for the best. Lets assume it is his. What do you two want to do about it? Want contact? Then make sure you go through the courts and have it set up fairly and legally. Educate yourself on every aspect of this. Knowledge is power afterall. You have a fab ally in Sunny. A strong woman who has gone through the fire and come out intact, happy and thriving. Get intouch with her and lean on her. I am sure she would be thrilled to help you out.

Once you and your husband decide on how BOTH of you, TOGETHER want to handle this (contact, or no contact) then live it. Don't waste time wishing this, or that. Just deal and move on. If you have sticking points in your marriage from this, deal with that FIRST. You both need to be totally, and 100% open and honest here. Neither of you can force the other into anything, and not have it come back and haunt you.

This is not a sprint, but an 18 year marathon. Don't waste good days on this. It isn't worth it. Live your life. Hang out with friends, shop, highlight your hair, etc. Keep living! Don't let this consume or control you. I know it seems like you will always be "like this" but I can guarantee you, you won't.

Think of it like a house fire. For a while all you can think of is what you lost and how much work, effort and energy is needed to deal with it. Think of all the details that would go into that. Insurance adjusters, contractors, etc. Someday, that house is rebuilt and you move back in. Yet, it still doesn't feel quite right. Then one day you realize it is home. As time passes, thoughts of the old home are gone, and soon you don't even think of it anymore. It is in the past. Forgotten? No. But it will fade from the forefront of your life too.

So, take some time for YOU. Do something for YOU. You will survive this and your life will go on, you will be happy again and have good days and heck, even bad ones! You will have family holidays and trips no matter what happens. So don't waste to much energy on this. Take care of the details and move on.

My advice is to read this site, top to bottom. Gain as much insight as you can and find out exactly where you and he are really at. If you both want to save the marriage, then put your efforts there.

YOU CAN AND WILL SURVIVE THIS!!!

Thank you every one for the encouraging words. We are trying to look toward the future. My H is still getting msg left on his cell. She is saying over and over she needs diapers and such. I feel that it is just an excuse to call him. I do not know if we need to take stuff over there or what. I guess we are worried on doing the wrong things. We do not want there to be any reason why we can not see the baby. Or have the baby come with us. Does anyone know the age the child can be before he is able to leave the mothers care?

((((betrayed)))))

there used to be a legal doctrine called the "tender years" doctrine. it prescribed courts ordering overnight contact with the non custodial parent for children under the age of about 5. it has mostely been discredited now. you might want to google search your juristiction and see what comes up but i can almost g'tee you that there will not be a legal barrier to your contact with the oc(i am assuming you are in the US here).

as far as i know, you guys havent had the results back form the DNA test yet have you? if not then i would absoltely NOT under ANY circumstances give her anything. it could be seen as an admission of paternity. there is a chance the child is not your husbands. just the other day someone i know got a negative dna test back. it does happen. if you inadvertantly admit paternity it could be very hard to get a court to look at the issue again.

dont buy in to the guilt sweety. it is not your problem!

hugs

carolyn

Most visitations laws are set up for D couples. This is NOT a D. She knew he was M, She KNEW if she had sex she could get PG!! Do NOT get an attorney that want to handle this as a D. Most laws are around a single man taking care of this child. It's not like that. These children have Two "mommies" and most of you here have children and they are fine, right?? Do a search in fathers rights ect the importance of young children being around BOTH parents. And as long as you have a place for the child that is safe and "his/her" own, you will fine. Don't expect for the judge to give you visitations in your home and you don't have a bed, diapers, the stuff you would need to care for an infant. Don't settle for this, the child has to be three [censored]. Because they don't. It has been so much easier on Baby A, starting visitations at 6 weeks and seeing him grow ans bonding with him (which flash most baby's bond w/i the FIRST year) And now it is a healthy transition for him, because he knows us, all of us! But you also have to do it and prove that it is for the "right" reasons.
Sunny D

Last night ow left msg on h cell screaming..wanting to know why he has not called back say again oc will not be around me. ALso how she needs money, she is going to lose her job because of child care and she needs her truck note paid. Also how if my h keeps on "acting" this way she will not let oc have his last name..can she do that? She is really mad right now because h is not going over there. This is really alot to handle...whew!!!!

i know it is really hard to hear that sort of thing but really in the cold light of day...She should have thought of the financial implications when she got herself pregnant to a married man. I know that is trite, but it is also true!

Lets look at the facts though. She is stating that she will never let the OC around you. NEWSFLASH! she isnt goingto have any choice in the matter. Once things progress through the system where you get to the point of setting up visitation and custody, you h will have an entitlement to contact with the child (assuming he is the father). What he chooses to do with that time and who he chooses to be around during that time is of absolutely no relevance to the xow. the same way what she does in her time, is none of your business. so dont be intimidated by her threats. they are empty, just like her.

It depends on where you live as to the last name thing. Someplaces you can name your child anything you want, others there is a protocol. if she has already done the b/c thing then i dont think she can change it. i didnt think they let you out of the hopital without completing the birth certificate.

What you are doing right now is a good thing. you are showing xow that you intend to play by the rules. you are setting boundries and holdign them firm. That is a very good thing for your marriage and it will stand you in good stead in the future. you are showing her that you will not let her back into your lives. that will be a bitter pill for her to swallow but eventually she will get it.

hugs to you.

carolyn

KEEP ALL THOSE SCREAMING MESSAGES

What a loser this ow is. She simpy can't keep that child from being around you. Let her waste her time and energies on issues like that. There is not a judge in the land who would ever tell the father of the child that he can't have his wife around said child. While she is wasting her time on foolery, you need to prepare.

SEND HER NOTHING. IF DNA proves child to be his, then send ONLY the required child support set forth by the courts and that is it. PERIOD. Financial obligation is met. PERIOD.

It is her problem if she needs money and is in trouble with her job and may lsoe her truck. THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER PREPARED. Or did she think that by having a child suddenly allowed her the rights of a wife???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> DO NOT SEND HER A DIME.


As for how your husband is acting???? He is acting (or should be) acting like a remoresfull husband. If he is ignoring her and her pathetic begging, good for him! She is not his wife, does not matter and her problems are her own to deal with. He owes her not one single thing.

Keep it up. But please find a good and decent attorney who will let her have it. Right now would be a great time to send a harrassment letter. Also, get it stated that if you need to have legal representation again, due to her harrassment, that she will be held liable for the legal fees incurred. That should shut her up and leave you alone.

As for the name of the child? IF your husband is the father and wants contact, that can be fought in the courts and my guess is you would win. The judge would see it for the stupidity it is. She is a STOW, trying to control everyone, and use her child as a pawn.

This ow of yours is really having a hard time with her reality. She needs to accept the fact that she doesn't matter, that you WILL be in that childs life, if you and he so choose, that SHE will NOT be part of that unit. She has to accept that she chose this, and not you. TO BAD for her. If she didn't want a mans wife around her child, then maybe she should have thought things through a bit better.

KEEP IGNORING HER. KEEP ALL THE MESSAGES. DO NOTHING UNTIL DNA PROVES PATERNITY. GET THINGS SET UP THE WAY YOU WANT FOR YOUR MARRAIGE.

Once you send CS, she STILL can't call and ask for diapers, money, etc. Actually, if she is still struggling financially after cs is set, YOU could gain full custody of the child, since OW obviously is not able to provide a stable environment for the child.

HE DOES NOT OWE HER A THING. He may owe child support and you may or may not want contact, but none of this concerns her. That is what is driving her crazy. She is learing how little she matters here, and how she is not in control of what you may or may not do.

BAAHHHAA replyed to your email!!!!
I can laugh, because I have been though it and you will too.
Sunny D

A long time ago someone (I think it was Sunny) said if the OW didn't want you as the stepmother to her child, she shouldn't have had your H baby. That's it. It is what it is, baby!

About the name thing....I think she can name the baby anything she wants. As long as she is not trying to commit a fraud or anything. She can name the baby Mickey Mouse!

Do any of you remember the OW who came on here saying she gave OC MM last name and then changed her name to that of the MM so she would have the same last name as her baby's? If I was the wife, I would have had a fit! It makes it look like she was divorced from him or that she has some legal claim to the family, when she doesn't. Only OC does.

Well, its just too bad. In another group we call us "bonus moms" cause you really didn't count on us being mom's, but we are. We still have no legal rights, but I do have the "lovin" rights!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> And if you newbies and people w/ the C /NC issues would realize if its LEGAL it cuts down on things. There are rights for dads, mom's and kids. There are rights for you to live your life in PEACE. Don't wait on these things to happen, because they ARE going to happen. I didn't think it would happen to me and it did, but we/I got though them. My OW was going to do this or that and I was like , no we are all going to be adults. And that's why I had to laugh. And trust me you newbies will again learn to laugh. Oh and get all the legal lovin rights I can collect.
Sunny D

I think you guys are great!!!

Thanks for the support..I really need it right now!!



Thank you ALL

Absolutely remarkable.