I do want it to work.

I know hate is frustration.

I'm resolved though that it may not change--we may still get the big D and that is something I have to come to terms with and I think I have but it doesn't mean I have to want the D. Right?

I will try to write a plan B letter to give to him on Sunday.

I don't think it can hurt.

He was suppose to have already started gettign the D paperwork done--we agree on everything already and have had a D done up before but of course he was going to get that started right after he got paid on 11/01 and I haven't heard a word about it and I'm sure it will be like all the other times where unless I do it he won't.

He is a huge procrastinator. In our personal life anyway he is and I always have picked up the pieces and kept it going. HE lives as if he ignores it then it will go away.

Wish me luck for the weekend.

Miss my WH so much but I want him to care for me to and meet my EN's and he hasn't been and I'm sure I haven't his either.

What will be will be. If god means for the D to show him the light then it will and if god means for the D to have us each start new lives then so be it.

well

it ain't over till it's over

The Plan B letters were all wonderful and I combined different ones to make my own and gave it to WH.

He came yesterday and moved more. Not as much as I would have liked--he is really sick--oh well.

He never called and told me Happy B-day on Friday.

Yesterday he was kinda a jerk at first and then i told him to only come over if he was going to be nice--that I was't going to fight with him.

When he got there he was fine and brought lunch for both of us. I had to poke at him to get him to move stuff--he was content with sitting in the chair and trying to just watch TV.

Before he left I gave him a hug and he actually hugged me back. He hadn't gave me a good hug back in months. I told him I loved him and missed him and missed the H I once knew.

He gave me another hug and said he was sorry and I said thank you and that if he was truly that sorry I would appreciate it if he would take this time to sort things out, think about it, etc.

He just nodded. Right before he left he rolled his window down and then I said to him I have one last thing that I would like you to do.

I don't believe it was what he expected. He basically decided to not have any contact with OW and OC because OW is so awful to deal with and doesn't care that this about the OC. I asked him to write a letter to OC telling him why he had chosen NC and that I wanted it put up until the child was 18 and then he could read it.

HE promised me he would and I think if we didn't have our own child yet this wouldn't before so important to me but being a mother I wanted the child to know someday.

Interesting thing WH did call Saturday morning to tell me that his brother and his wife had there baby that morning--another boy now besides our son--everyone had girls--now is brother has one of each.

When he left I asked that he would read the letter last night before he went to bed and he promised he would. I thanked him from my parents and myself for all the butternut squash he brought over--he manages all the transportation for a huge sustainable row group farm. He texted back and said your welcome and NC since. Once he read the letter I can't because I said I would have no contact except regards to son or money. Have to go as dark.

I won't call and I know he won't for now but he must face all this on his own.

Great Work, Albany....

Sorry you have to go through this...

mimi~ I do my best and I know that if anything may change the outcome that a Plan B is my only shot at it.

I will have to upload my letter tomorrow. I did tell him I didn't want the D and that he has told he does and I wouldn't try to change him and that I'm sorry for having tried to change him. I told him that only he can change himself if he chooses to and that i must concentrate on me and work the things I need to and that he should take this time to face his demons. I told him he can change but he must do it for him and that I'm fixable, he is =, and this whole thing is.

Time will tell I guess--he was nice and great last night. If this Plan B doesn't work then I guess god had in store for me to move on but I hope my WH hits bottom truly and changes at some point just because he is the father of our child.

He really seemed sincere when he said he would take this opportunity to think.

I think he takes so much for granted and can't see that until I go dark. For example, last night before he left I asked if the place had washer/dryer and he said yes but the dryer was broke. I asked what was wrong with it and he said a broken belt. Before he left he asked if he could get a belt at the Fred Meyer store and I said no you will have to go to an appliance store and know the brand model number etc. to get one. Okay how hard is that to figure out?

You said this and IT SOUNDS GREAT to me:



I told my FWH something similar to this and he never forgot it...



YES, I agree with this....

As you already can tell, he will be missing you...the advantage of the DARKNESS....

Like my grandmother used to say: "You don't miss your water until the well runs dry"....

oh so true. Funny to me that he didn't call about my B-day but called Saturday morning to tell me about the baby.

I know in my heart this is the only way this may work and that I must make him do this.

Sucks but will be worth it either way because I will know I did all that I could.

I'm loving almost every word out of your mouth today!

Good for you..

I'm routing for ya....

Thanks Mimi for the support and encouragment. Funny how they become so dependent on us for the little things. He asked about taking some jerky--I had bought a whole bunch for his lunch and for our son about a month or two ago from the smokekraft outlet in our town. I said go for it--just leave some for our son. I went on to tell himm I had only gone and bought it for him--that there many things that I did just him that he didn't seem to realize.

Pepperband~where did you go??? Well, I made a plan and I'm sticking to it.

Albany,

quote:-----------------------------------------
Well, I made a plan and I'm sticking to it.
-----------------------------------------------

Good luck.

Based on my experience, keep in mind that PLAN B is simple in theory but may hard to do sometimes. So, when you have the urge to see/speak to/get info. about WH, have "something" to do instead ..... like: call a friend, do housecleaning (very productive!), write..... until the urge passes....because it is temporary...and the frequency will diminish.

Trust me I know--have failed at other PB attempts and feel the only chance of this working is a true plan b.

I make lots of phone calls and I'm starting to do deep cleaning which needs to be anyway since I'm going to sell the house unless something very drastic changes but I'm afraid won't in the time frame I have that I need to sell the house.

My fridge is spotless--took all the shelves out etc. to clean it this weekend:)

I don't understand why you want to try and make it work with this man. You have no control over him or what he thinks or does. You only have control over you and my advice to you is let him go and move on. Concentrate on your child and yourself because that's all you have control over anyway. You can't make someone love you. You can't make someone want to be with you and you can't force them to go to counseling.

I suggest you go to counseling yourself and figure out why you would want to stay with someone that treats you so badly. Don't you realize you deserve better? If not, then go to counseling and figure it out so that next time, you will choose better.

You only have control over you and your own attitude. You can't change anyone. Only yourself.


*****************NOTE FROM JUSTUSS***********

This is a SUPPORT site for those attempting to rebuild their marriages.

S U P P O R T

**********************************************************

Because I have seen many WS's change after they hit bottom via success stories from here.

I have done counseling and I know I can't change him and I believe he does love me still or he wouldn't keep coming back.

So I didn't choose good enough the first time--interesting--well he wasn't like this before and somewhere a good individual still lurks within himself. I may never see that but hopefully someday he will change and that person will come out again.

I won't argue with you but maybe my love is for him and who he was is deeper than you can understand.

Maybe after being a member for more than a few days you will understand this all more--maybe you won't.

Albany:

I'm not sure what's going on with Blondie..

I would disregard..

You're not the only one that she has been negative with today....

THanks MIMI

she made me feel like and idiot.

Hope Pep will have time to read my update--you guys have been great support and I really hope all works out for Luna--I envy her Plan B--she is doing great.

ahem ... I smell something OW-ish about the "advice" you were given ... just forget about it

Plan B will be dayum hard for you ... so stay busy ....

protect yourself from further errosion of respect

To me ... it's just as important for me to respect my spouse as it is to love him ... as a matter of fact, I can tolerate periods of time when I don't love him very much (knowing the love will float back up to the top if I just relax) whereas I cannot tolerate much time when I don't respect him

know what I mean?

so protect yourself Albany ... who knows how this will turn out ... but give it a real effort at Plan B

Pep~

That is a huge part of why we haven't moved on well--I don't have much respect to WH since all this and he expects me to I think overnight and so it causes much conflict--I assume the worst when anything happens. Such as when I don't know is wher abouts etc.--yet he doesn't seem to think it is necessary to work at rebuilding the trust.

He even told me the other night about me not respecting him and that is fairly true right now---especially since I feel he is bailing once again.

I need to protect me and I need to protect us from fighting because right now he turns and uses all my anger and hurt against me and makes me out to be the bad one.

I haven't been relaxed since he has been back and mostly that is due to the money spending issues and the huge weight of trying to make it all work while he spends the money and with no regards to prior money obligations.

Want to be light-hearted again etc. and right now I'm doing that the best I can by taking this time to do things for me and to deal with money for me only.

what will be will be and if I successfully implement and continue with PB I know I have done all that I can do from my end.

He really seemed to be thinking about it last night and the hug he gave me in return was genuine--was great--haven't had that in forever from him. His apology seemed genuine also and I told him in the PB letter which he hadn't read yet that I forgive and and want to move past it all.

I just let go last night and I think he knows that and I truly feel that he will take this time to sort through things that have happened.

Pep~ he really stalled on moving some stuff yesterday--I had to make him do it--I think huge part of him doesn't want to but I feel this must happen at this point.

Thanks for your support.

I'm ignoring texasblondie--looks like hurting dealt with her.

not trying to nag you ... I am asking you if you would please re-write this sentence ...

make sure you clearly state (in less ambiguious terms)

egg zak lee what you are wanting me to understand....

I think it is very important for you to communicate in more precise terms ... practice with me ... OK?

Thanks

Homework?

YUK!

I just stepped back and let myself be at peace with the situation. No anger or lashing out came from me directed to him. I just felt at peace with where it was at and I think he realized that I was at the end and comfortable with the path I may have to take. I saw no anger between us when we talked and sense of humblness that was displayed at the time leads me to believe he will lose some sleep thinking this through.

Now, I think I suck at this communication thing because I don't think I explained it well.

As you can tell that is our huge stumbling block lately.

Yesterday when he came in I was deeply hurt and he took my expression as being one of angry.

Okay pep I'm tired and worn out so you made just have to beat over the head and tell me how you would have stated it.