Hey folks,<P>It has been a while since I posted and just wanted to give a little encouragement to those out there who are fellow strugglers (from both sides of the coin). Let me quickly review my history:<P>Wife of 8 years (and mother of my three boys age 1, 3, 5) had a torrid love affair with a neighbor one year ago this month. She kicked me out of the house and said she didn't love me, never loved me, wanted a divorce asap, was madly in love with OM... As I have heard many here describe it, she was sky high and I thought she'd never come down. After a two month open affair with OM, it "ended" when it became apparent OM was not leaving his wife.<P>It has been about 10 months since the affair ended. My wife has been in almost daily touch with OM since it "ended". Those that know me from this board know that her ongoing contact has been gut-wrenching. Even though she has been working on our marriage, she has said that she doesn't think she'll ever stop loving him and that she couldn't stay married to me if she was in love with him.<P>Well, I've pretty much stayed the course. Loved her with Christ's love all year, poured my very life into her and the kids. We both also went on anti-deps recently. This has had a VERY positive effect for her for an unlikely reason: it has greatly reduced her libido which has taken the "fire" out of her desire for OM. With the "passion" waning, he finally is becoming a real person to her and she is picking him apart on a regular basis. <BR>We aren't completely out of the woods yet but I plan to move back home before Christmas and she is starting to compliment me and initiate sex with me. I know my wife and I know that she is not "in love" with OM anymore. He is NO threat to me anymore. Even though we still plan to move next year to get away from OM, it is not because I fear she will leave me for him.<P>Anyhow, I just have seen a lot of threads recently that have been a real downer. I can relate to the pain that I see in so many posts. People who are just finding out about the affair, people like Maya who want to give up, people like dhj who are getting a divorce, people like Chris who keep going in spite of horrible circumstances... Let me just tell you that some of these things work out good! Even if my marriage didn't/doesn't make it long term, I am glad that I have loved my wife this past year. It has made me a better person and has drawn me closer to Christ.<P>For those of you wanting to give up: DON'T! You need to find purpose in your life apart from your spouse. Love your spouse because it pleases God. Work on your own life because it will give you more to give others. Ask God to help you through each day and to help you to live his very life through you.<P>You fellow "strugglers" are in my prayers and I have appreciated your prayers. May God grant you the strength to make it through this dark night in your lives.<P>Struggling<P><BR>

Thank you so much, Struggling. I so appreciate you sharing with us .... there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, huh?<P>

Hey all,<P>It was kind of cool that after posting my message yesterday, my wife and I had a nice conversation last night. Basically she said that she was not "in love" with OM anymore!!! She said that she had learned a lot about herself this past year and was realizing that her feelings about men can be fickle.<P>This is HUGE progress! Now if she can start saying that she is "in love" with me, I'll know we're about through with this dark time. Thanks everyone for your encouragement this past year and take hope for your own situations!<P>God Bless,<BR>Struggling<BR>