We are at a loss....our marriage is on unstable ground....can anyone relate to this? offer us any advice....<P>We had been married 22 happy years, no serious problems (coupla money disagreements, how to raise the kids spats), no abuse, no infidelity...just a nice happily contented couple..... but then so many things happened all at once.... my father passed away, three of four of our children were diagnosed with a serious form of hereditary colon-rectal cancer that my hubby was already dealing with, the other son was arrested on felony drug charges, and we had put a second mortage on our home to purchase a business which was going belly up.... and somewhere in that mess.... I became what I have since learned is called hypersexual. I never knew I was manic-depressive (bipolar as they call it) but it manifested itself in a big way...for eight months I slept with other men, spent every penny we had and many we did not have (credit cards) and when I could not explain my behavior to myself, nor tell my husband what the hell I was doing, I attempted suicide. He found me and stopped me before I succeeded, thank God! I revealed the entire truth to him, feeling relieved having him know what I did. I told him I had no excuse, no understanding of what drove me to do those things, it was like an irrepressible compulsion. I wanted help, to see someone, a shrink.... someone, anyone who could explain what was happening to me. Instead of being understanding, and helping me find a doctor to diagnosis my problem, he took me to a mental hospital and told them I was suicidal (which I no longer was)and that he suspected I was also homicidal. He worked at the facility and they believed every word he said. He signed me in involuntarily and abandoned me there. He made sure I was well sedated by telling them a bunch a lies about me being terribly crafty (smart/manipulative) and that he suspected I would try to kill myself if given even the smallest window of opportunity. They drugged me and kept me in a locked room with no furnishings....I had no contact with the outside world over the many weeks I was there. <BR>Whenever I was awake I would cry for him and beg for someone to call him and ask for him to come take me home. I had no concept that he was behind the treatment I was receiving... I did not think him capable of such cruelty. However, while I was locked away he filed for divorce, and for full custody with no visitation for me with our children, filed a PFA (protection from abuse) order from me saying I was a threat and danger to him and our children. He also had papers drawn up giving the state custodial care of me as he did not wish to be responsible for me or my care. He did not even come to the hospital when they called and told him I was being taken into emergency surgery. In fact, he did not even ask what the surgery was for. After many weeks of drugging me , the hospital finally stopped piping them into me via IV , andstarted giving me pills (which I only pretended to take) my head began to clear. As my wits returned, I ask for the patient advocate who came three days after I ask, but I was just glad she came at all. I had her contact a lawyer for me. It took some time, but I started to come to my senses....and the lawyer started pushing for my release.... a hearing was scheduled and my husband had to show up to defend his actions if he wanted to keep me there longer.... he had to hear the diagnosis. <BR>When he arrived there, he was definitely not prepared for what he saw. I had been in bed for weeks , I was always fastidious about my appearance, but without make-up, contacts, curlers, hairspray...or even my own hairbrush; I was a sight to see. Plus I am extremely fair skinned and my skin marks easily; all the IV's they had given to me and the injections of meds I was blue and blue everywhere. The surgery dropped me nearly 15 lbs. plus another 5 - 10 lbs since being admitted added to the 90lbs I had already lost in the months during the mania, I doubt he would have recognized me on the street. He took one look at me and broke down.... said he was sorry (at that point). We cried, held each other, I again told him over and over again how sorry I was for what I did....<BR>They explained bipolar to him, he is a registered nurse, he worked there....he understood the diagnosis better then I did. I was confused by everything that had transpired in those weeks..... but he was confident everything would be fine. I was not real sure what was a real memory and what I hallucinated under the influence of their drugs. The past year was somewhat of a blur to me.... which the psychiatrist said was not uncommon for bipolar mania sufferers.<P>After getting discharged, which was not easy (since my hubby had them so convinced I was all these awful things), he took me home. I was so edgy, so scared, so gun shy... jumpy..... All he wanted to do was make love. I felt dirty and ashamed and he wanted to make love.... Plus, the idea that I cheated on him was acute in his mind, due to the disorder or not. He has told me if I do it again, things are over...according to my psychiatrist mania has been present throughout my life, it just never progressed to the poit of hypersexuality before, or if it did, Jeff was enough for me at that time. But I am told they cannot guarantee I will never have another episode. I take the meds they tell me too, but I am afraid to be happy.... for fear it will come back....I am afraid to be sad for fear I will sink into depression.... I am in constant fear of my emotions.....<P>We started to see a marriage counselor, who tells him constantly that he cannot hold me responsible for acts done while manic..... and he knows this in his head, but not his heart.... he says such things as "well if you must go manic, let me screw someone else this time too." These type remarks hurt me so much....I never ever, ever want to do that again.... it was the reason I tried to kill myself. Marriage and fidelity are very important to me.... important enough that I thought I needed to die because I broke my marital vows. But then in his next breath he says, you go manic and it is all over, I won't put up with it.... you're out of here... which I worry about all the time. If this is a disease though, how can he do that to me... I cannot say to him if your cancer leaves remission you are out of here.... I take the good days with the bad and I keep him as healthy as possible..... but when I say to him that I need his help in learning the signs to watch for and how to stop the mania he says he is not responsible for my behavior that I am..... which in essence is true, but in practice it is not possible for a bipolar.... I need him to watch out for me, like I do for him, making sure he takes his meds, getting him to the doc's for appointments, seeing he eats right... etc.... but he does not think he needs to help me because this is "in my head." <P>And to top it all off....I am having trouble forgiving him for locking me away in that hospital mental unit. Had he not worked at that facility, they would have never kept me locked up for that period of time, however, he knew the doctor who ran the unit and he convinced him I was really nutso.... in fact it is hard to convince the doc I was/am NOT as nutso as he said I was even with him now agreeing with me......<P>I feel he abandoned 22 years of marriage and left me to rot in that hospital, never caring one bit what they were doing to me or for me... he was to busy trying to rid his life of me.... he even bagged up all my belongings in garbage bags and hauled them outside.... I am resentful that he will not help me in following this disorder and that he threats to leave me if it gets out of hand again.... <P>We see this marriage counselor, but she is not helping us at all.... we live happily, on the surface now, but under it all, we are always ready to explode... and when we fight now, it always comes down to: "Well you ****ed other men." and I retaliate with; "well you had me locked away and drugged for weeks so you could steal my life away." <P>Will these fights ever be behind us? I get very suicidal after a very bad one, and often need to call on my suicide buddy for a calming talk..... but I don't want to live with this underlying current of pain and neither does he..... <P>any suggestions?
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<P>Lizbeth