I can totally see someone like this pursuing contact with no encouragement! I mean...how dare someone dump a hot chick like her!! ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) She's probably used to being the Dumper! And in front of all their fishing peers! The NERVE!

If nothing else...even if she wasn't really all that interested in him anymore...she'd probably pursue him just to soothe her poor little ego!

Just my thoughts........

Heartmending,
I think you've got the idea. I guarantee her ego has taken a BIG hit. She believes that she is the hottest thing since the potato. On their fishing forums, they post pics of them and their catch and the guys go gaga over her pics and make all sorts of comments. She eats it up. At one point there was a thread just on her last year. After rereading it I realized that she had posted on it under a different name (I could tell it was her based on the info that it gave) and also remarked on hot she was and what a great gal she was. I found that to be really bizarre!

Anyway, I doubt she has ever been dumped. And at this point she thinks she can have anyone she wants.

From her emails and stuff earlier on this year, she believes that H and her were in love and he had chosen her to be with. H does confirm that they had talked extensively about his leaving me. Matter of fact, they fought about it. He wasn't going along on her time table.

I guess she had lots of plans.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Personally, I am not that big of a fan of the NC letter for several reasons. My situation is alot like yours where the other woman is a major pain in my tail. I invite you to scroll down to my latest posting and read the email she recently sent me. Live & In person entitled "An actual email from the OW"

My husband ended the A verbally with the OW. I could tell this was true because immediately OW contacted me (per email)and wanted to tell me all about it; and to express her anger as well.

As strange as it may seem, this was fine by me. Since that day Ive received a numerous amount of emails & hang up phone calls with her name on the called id, because shes hurting; she even expressed it in her email (and I love it).
A no contact letter to me would be usless for us because it would only add fuel to a fire that we are trying to put out.

What my husband and I both have agreed to do lately is to totally ignore her. Yes I still read her emails and perhaps its for my own insecurities but I do not respond (atleast not yet). We both acknowledge that this was a very painful experience but we want to get past it and live our lives together.

Yes, she is going to have a hard time accepting that because she had already mindfully planned the rest of there lives but unfortunantly..... So for now as long as she is venting (which is really similar to withdrawal+) I'm fine.

It just goes to show how far out of her hands the situation has really gotten. No plans did she have for this.

Kenda,
I've heard alot of people say that the OW contacted them(BSs). She has never tried to contact me. She tries to keep it that way b/c I think she is still thinking that she can get him back. Everything to her is still secret.

H did write emails to her to end it and he also had a chat (IM) that I allowed to get her to understand. It is also PLAIN AS DAY that he doesn't want to talk to her, but she thinks it's me making him act that way and that he really wants her. She just cannot believe that he doesn't. So NC letter may not do anything.

I could email her mother and try to get her to tell her to stop trying and that if she doesn't I will go to CO. And of course I could email her STBXH who holds no clout at all. And is a puppy dog waiting for her to return to him. Right.
I don't know that her divorce is final. They have been in limbo for 5 years.

Unfortunately, the one avenue that I haven't pursued and others here have said to do, is to go to her CO or even the inspector general to complain. I really would hate to do this. It's something that once happens there will be no recourse. I know that I shouldn't care about that...but I do. So I guess I'll get hit by the 2x4's that I see coming. I know she made her bed so she has to lie in it. But....

My motto has been ...Live and let live.

I think I could try all these avenues(NC letter, mother notification, even STBXH notification), but she may put it in another gear and crank it up a notch. Her attempt have been dwindling, but are more devious in nature. So we really thought she was going to quit sooner than later. But she hasn't.

I know, I'm dawdling. I should go for the jugular. The real solution is clear, but difficult for me to do.

How about letting her know that you are going to her Co? Scare her half to death.

I personally think that you should copy and compress all of the digital data you have on the affair, and email it to her CO (include the XXX photos of her...that's always a great way to show that she's definitly NOT conducting herself as an officer). Attach it to an email telling him that she has repeatedly tried contacting your H many times, that she has threatened suicide, and that at this point you've got a concern that she MAY have vandalized his boat in such a manner as to create a safety risk to your H. Let him know that all you're looking for at this point is to end the attempted contact from her...and that you'd hope that he could refer her for a psych eval based on the photos and suicide threats so that she could get medical help. Don't sound angry, desperate, or hurt...sound concerned for your husband and for her. (No one says you HAVE to be concerned for her...hehehe, just sound that way).

Her CO will HAVE to take action...if he doesn't then HE becomes responsible. Heck...when you send it, copy both her CO and his Sgt Major. And let them know that you'll not bother to contact them again if they can get the contact attempts to stop.

Let them know that you realize that they really do need to take some kind of action to 'help' her...

Good luck friend.

If I contact CO, I would go that route (as a concerned person). OW has commented that she wasn't afraid of me going to the military because they don't care as long as she was doing her job. And they couldn't afford to lose her. Also she said that they make fun of wives that call in with that kind of stuff. So I would choose my approach carefully. All business. Thanks for your input realtor and owl.

Umh, I like owl's approach! But yes, the military probably wont do anything and will likely laugh at you. They choose not to handle situations until they become more serious...like if she starts contacting you ... and it furthers, they would then be held responsible if anything happens. Of course you could always get your H to contact them, which might hold some ground if he can get it across to them that he's serious about ending it all...otherwise.

(sighing and thinking to myself 'the situations we put ourselves in')

Also you mentioned that your H sent emails ending it. I think its just totally normal for the OW to think 'we' put our H up to doing this as if 'there's just no way he would want to leave me along, he loves me'. How do they find these CLUELESS women?. Some how the OW in my situation determined that she own's my H and understands him better than i do, so I would definitely have to be coaching him if she ever recieves such a letter or email.

So sometimes it's just a waste of time to even fool with them (OW). Just start (you and H) to ignore her...eventually she'll go away, but to continue to go back and forth with her will just let her know that she still holds some ground in you guys life and I can also promise you this...the fight that she wants to fight.....were not ready for.When a spouse is betrayed, it's almost as if someone knocks the breath out of you and the one we love gave them permission to do so (by indulging in such a painful act). So right now you need to concentrate on 'you' and how you are going to learn to deal with this thorn that stuck your M.

Each time you give attention to her, your giving her ammunition whether she feels it's you are your H. If you really want to get at her,tell your H to ignore her and you'll really start to get some results.Then, what should follow is her urgency to want to contact you and expose him but even through that be prepared to find out some things you dont want to know. My H & I dont even talk about it much anymore, and if I just happen to mention somthing, it 's all of 5 min's then were back to concentrating on what to do to avoid this happening again. That's the main concern!

Try reading Faithinme's threads. She was very poised and non-vengeful when she outed that tart (DJ?) to her CO.

Just a suggestion.

- Kimmy

Kenda,
I'm aaaalmost getting to a point where I can concentrate on me. I almost felt like myself the other day for about a split second. I saw it, felt it. It was nice.

We have been ignoring OW completely. Though H will tell me about the calls that keep coming that he doesn't answer. So in OW mind, she is being ignored which I think is driving her crazy. That's kinda nice too.


What I need to do is have both his phones changed, but I can't do it, his Dad actually has to because it goes through the office. That's why I haven't done it yet. I need to talk to FIL. Now.

Thanks Kenda
P.S. As I'm typing this, flowers arrived. Beautiful flowers. They're from H saying that he misses me. Now how did he get them ordered from Venezuela? Our M is doing good, just have to work a little on me.

Dealan,
I'll check it out. Thanks.