A "sorry" from an unrepentant WS. It's worth about as much as the dog doodie I had to scoop up in the back yard today, and it smells just about as pleasant.

I was just musing over some of the sorry 'sorry' talk I've heard from my STBXWH lately, in writing and over the phone. I'm glad I can recognize it for what it's worth, after reading here since early Feb. of this year.

The 'apologies' I've received have all been in an effort to get me to do something (or to get me to stop doing something).

When a 'sorry' really isn't a 'sorry':

WH: I'm sorry if I've hurt you. (IF???)

WH: I'm sorry that you think I haven't supported the kids financially since I left. (Had to take you to court for support - makes me 'think' you're a deadbeat.)

WH: I'm sorry if you think I've done something wrong. (Because, of course, there's nothing wrong with abandoning your family for a married woman - only unreasonable Pebbles 'thinks' it's wrong.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

WH: I'm sorry if you're mad. (I'm not mad - you're not worthy of my anger, just my pity.)

Most of these 'apologies' have been followed with something like the following:

WH: But why can't we be friends? (And have occasional unscheduled sex?)

WH: But you need to let go of your anger and stop talking to my family and MOW's parents, stop telling people you took me to court for child support, stop telling people I cheated on you and abandoned you and the kids, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

I guess these 'apologies' are how one can tell a WS really "doesn't get it," to borrow an expression from the sour one. Now that I've learned my STBXWH's cheating is most likely a character flaw, not just a one-time aberration, I don't expect he'll 'get it' any time soon. His cheating brothers haven't, even years afterward.

But.....I get it!

Thanks for humoring me in my rambling. I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish by posting this - maybe a warning to others to be wary of insincere apologies? I do have too much free time today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Wow, Pebbles. At least you've heard "sorry." My WH has never said he's sorry. And we all know that if you don't say it, you're not.

SadMommy, the thing about these apologies is they don't ring true - they are just meant to manipulate me. It's just like when a child's mommy or teacher makes him say "I'm sorry" to another child, when he really isn't sorry at all, just sorry to be in trouble.

You're right... no apology at all is better than one that's intended to manipulate. Sorry about that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh my gosh pebs!

My xh used to and still does utter the same crazed words!

I heard exactly the same thing.

I did something mean to him when he was living with ow....he tried the unscheduled sex thing...and I said "sure baby..come over now."

I had front door locked. he said leave it unlocked. I called him on car phone to say it was broken...meanwhile I called ow and told him that my wh was on his way over here and knocking at my door thinking that I would sleep with him..

I asked her to put a leash on him.

she called him immediately on his cell phone and he freaked out...

it was sad, but ironically funny...Me, the wifey was turned suddenly into the ow!

My xh has not tried...well not directly anymore...for the sex thing.

Pebbles,

I know what you're saying. My WH has never said he was sorry for having the A, in fact, has said outright he's NOT sorry about it. But he has said he's sorry he's hurt me. He doesn't say IF, but he just means he's sorry I got in the way of him being with his true love and got hurt in the process--and sorry he's been caught. He's still not at all sorry for his actions.


Well, I"M sorry you're hurting. Wish I could help.

((((Pebbles))))

WOM

SadMommy, I've been where you are. I would have given anything for an even half-way sincere apology a few months ago. Now, knowing what I know about my STBXWH, 'sorry' just doesn't cut it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Bingo!!

Thanks, WOM, but actually, I'm fine...now. Life looks better all the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[/quote]Thanks, WOM, but actually, I'm fine...now. Life looks better all the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> [/quote]

Good for you, Pebbles. I hope I can say that one day!

Peachy, were we separated at birth? LOL.

I guess the unrepentant WS doesn't fall far from the mothership. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Too funny, Peachy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I've been too shocked to come up with a good comeback, but maybe next time I could try something like:

"Sure, baby, come and get it! Be sure and bring your MOW along. She can watch the kids, do some laundry, and get dinner started while I ROCK YOUR WORLD!" LOL, LOL.

Then I could 'apologize': I'm sorry IF you thought you were going to get some. Can MOW still stay and start dinner? You can leave. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ack, my mind's eye...it burns! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ooh Pebbles..... you have graduated to SR. Babble Inspector!!!

You can see right through his apologies. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I am glad.

In their warped mind, that's a good apology and if the BS accepts it, why bother with the real one?

That's what I HATE about the WS.... they think we are stupid or something...... they think (or lack there of) the BS will settle for STUPID babble. Then again, when a BS does settle for it.....well that makes me hurt, very hurt.... the problem is some of those BS' ask for more hurt and the endless babble cycle of pain continues.

Glad to know you choose NOT to allow his babble to hurt you.

Quite proud of U! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Just a technicality, but an APOLOGY begins with, "I'm sorry I ..."

If it starts with, "I'm sorry YOU ... ", the best it can be is an expression of sympathy.

Thank you, Orchid. That means a lot to me, coming from the Master of Babble Inspection herself (I know, should be "Mistress" of BI, but I wouldn't call you the 'M' word, LOL).

I don't think ambassadors from the mothership (like my STBXWH) are familiar with human semantics, smidgen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Besides, I think this is the best he can do. He probably said the word "sorry" about two or three times, if any, the whole time we were married.

Just a little update.

I picked up the kids from the lair last weekend. It was the first time I've had to pick them up in the dark. I called DS's cell phone when I got there so the kids could come out to meet me. The lair is on a busy street and there was no place to park right in front, so I got out to meet the kids. STBXWH came out with them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I nodded to him (didn't want to be rude), but did not speak to him.

As I was helping the kids put their things in the van, I could feel his eyes on my back (gave me the shivers). When I finished closing the door, I turned around to go to the driver's side. Surprise! There was WH within arm's distance of me, far inside my personal space. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

He was close enough either to hit me or kiss me, neither of which I was interested in being a part of. I felt a little nervous and intimidated, in a creepy-stranger-invading-my-space kind of way. He just stared at me. I didn't want to look scared, but I didn't want to antagonize him, so I just stared right back, with what I hope was a neutral expression. I was thinking, "He wouldn't dare touch me on a busy street, in front of the kids, would he?" (Edited to add: He's never physically abused me, but he has tried to physically intimidate me since he left.)

Then...I felt more eyes on me. I looked at the front window of the lair and, sure enough, "someone" was watching me. WH followed my line of vision to see what I was looking at, then looked back at me. When I looked back at WH, he looked embarrassed and looked down at the ground. Apparently, he is not allowed to interact with me unsupervised. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I wanted to say (but didn't), "You'd better go back inside before you get in trouble with your mom!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Now, why would she feel threatened by little ole me?? I guess she had to keep an eye on her "prize," LOL. Yep, you da man, WH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

On the way home, the kids were very quiet. I am used to them being very talkative at home. I asked if everything was okay. DS said that nobody really talks at Dad's, so they weren't used to talking. Surprised, I asked, "Even your sister?" DD chimed in, "I just watch T.V. I don't talk."

Sounds lovely. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The MOW sure doesn't seem too trusting! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
========================================
He was close enough either to hit me or kiss me, neither of which I was interested in being a part of. I felt a little nervous and intimidated, in a creepy-stranger-invading-my-space kind of way. He just stared at me.
========================================

Please quickly move out of his reach next time. Not in fear, but with deliberation. If he continues to encroach, then a strong "Back off" is warranted. Scream for help if you need to.

Don't trust him just because you are married to him. This is NOT your husband you are dealing with.

God bless,
Gimble

MelodyLane, maybe it's because she's a serial cheater living(?) with, most likely, a serial cheater?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I guess she was keeping an eye on the competition, even though I've officially withdrawn myself from the contest.

Hi, Gimble. It's good to 'see' you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hopefully, in a few weeks he will no longer be my husband. If only he would fill out and sign the final few papers. Hmmm, which one of us do you think will truly be 'free?'

But you're right, Gimble, I don't know him and I can't trust him. Now he really is just a creepy stranger, who just happens to be the father of my children. When I looked in his eyes, I saw nothing - just a hollow shell of what he used to be (if he ever was what I thought he used to be). I think the attempts at intimidation are because he no longer has any control over me. He probably really did think we would be 'friends' and I would still be devoted to him, just like his brother and his ex-betrayed-wife. But...he just doesn't meet my friend standards.

In a way, finding out the family history and the dirty little secrets has made breaking away and personal recovery a lot easier for me. For a long time, I really did think all of this was my fault, because I had failed him or I had not been 'good enough,' which he has been more than willing to let me and make me believe. Of course, I did/do have my shortcomings, but now I am working on those things for me, and not for him.

I really do hope he finds what he's looking for, and I hope he can make peace with God, for his own sake and the sake of our children. I can't fix what's missing in him.

Hi, Pebbles.

I'm glad you are doing good - you sound strong! Your STBXWH sounds creepy, though. Please take care.

Alph.