I've been feeling so lonely lately. I hate it. I'm an only child and I've spent a lot of time over the course of my life alone and I don't normally have a problem being by myself.

I lived alone in this house before I met my WH and I'm alone again. I didn't sign on for this. I'm married and I feel more alone now than I've ever felt in my life. I've even hitchhiked across the country alone and I didn't feel this way.

I don't like this feeling one bit. I'm doing my hobby stuff and taking care of me and the house and all that, but I feel like I'm just passing the time until tomorrow when I do it all over again.

I haven't spoken with WH for a couple of weeks now. He's been in Orlando this week at a trade show. (F?)OW is there too. I have very distinct feeling that I'll hear from him shortly and he'll be telling me lots of "truths" and we'll be getting the big D. Can't say why I feel this coming, I just do.

I really just want to run away right now. Just pack up the car and drive. Give WH the house, the furniture, the bills and wave bye bye as I drive off. Only problem is nearly everything is in my name so I'm stuck with it. I'm stuck with all the responsibility and he gets to play. Why can't I go off and make a mess of my life and have people look out for me for a change? I've always been the predictable adult. I feel like I need to shake it all off and just check out. Time to move to someplace tropical and weave baskets for a living, drink tasty beverages in the sun and not worry about anything except how will I cook the shrimp today?

I guess I'm just rambling. Thanks for reading this far.

Take me with you!!

I get the "only responsible adult" thing. I resent having to do anything to clean up this mess. I got WH's bank statement yesterday and that was a big shocker. Seeing the money he has spent on his motel and whining and dining OW, while he refuses to give me $$ for groceries <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I do want to take the kids to him and say "you broke them, you fix them". I spend so much of my child rearing time dealing with the fall out of WH's actions.

Rant away, basket weaving sounds great!

Yeah...that's another thing. I haven't seen one dime from WH to help pay bills. He helped at first for about a month but only with my constant pushing, but now, nothing. He figures that since I make oh so much more money <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I don't need his help. Besides, he needs the money for his toys and such.

In the meantime, my contract ended the end of last month and I'm not working. I riding the unenjoyment train again getting the big bucks from the state. At least it's something I suppose until I get another contract.

Stop -

Hi!!! Count me in with you & Jean. I'm there. I'd love to come along.

I can totally relate to what you are feeling. Even with DS here in the house I sometimes feel so lonely.

{{{{STOP}}}}

I am worried about OW being there at the Trade Show with your H though. Have you spoken a lot to your H while he's been gone.

You & I should try to get together sometime!

Kim

Oh, I just read saw in your sig that you are back in Plan B, so you wouldn't be speaking with your WH right now....

Sorry.

How long has it been since WH gave you $$. Do you have a go-between?

Kim

Thanks for the hug Kim.

Nope, haven't spoken to WH at all. Last I spoke to WH he was telling me that he needed to "meet new people" so he can "find the self he lost" and figure out what he really wants. All this while he was speaking the joys of divorce: "It's not necessarily an end" "I need this break so I can work on us again" "I want to continue to do things with you since we have so much fun together" "I don't see what the big deal is, it's just a divorce" and the ever popular "You are everything I've ever wanted in a woman, I should be running back to you I just need to find out why I'm not. This will help me."

Yeah, I could use to meet some new friends right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sorry you are feeling so lonely. But you know, I think that is part of personal recovery. I went through a period just like you. I promise you it does get much better.

The basket weaving thing got me laughing. For several months I wanted to just pack up and leave. I had different scenarios in my head. They flucuated between Mexico and Alaska. There was a terrible urge just to throw it all in.

Plan B will give you the security and content feeling again.

It's been 4 months since I've seen any money from WH. We don't have a go between because no one would step up and do it. MIL said she wouldn't do it because if we stopped talking we should just get divorced. When a couple stops communicating that's the end. Of course she's a real expert at marriage since she divorced her husband and then reconciled and split up numerous times over a period of 14 years when he finally gave up and got remarried.

4 months???? Wow. Have you considered LS to protect you financially? That has got to be a huge burden on you.

A paralegal & a lawyer both told me that if WH didn't give me $$ for a period of 30 days he could be arrested/prosecuted for abandonment. Kind of extreme, but your WH is legally obligatged.

What are you doing today?

Kim

I wonder if that legal obligation only applies if you have children? I know you and I have similar sitchs in that we both have our houses in our name only. That would be an interesting twist to things and would certainly help me out a lot!

I'm thinking since it's such a glorious day outside that I will take the windows off the Jeep and go for a long drive in the mountains. Take the camera and go leaf peeping.

You might want to give an attorney a call just to see what your rights are.......The trick could be that you acquired the property before you were M. But there is history there where he contributed to payment for bills, etc. So that might come into play legally.

I bet the leaves are gorgeous right now!! I am going to hang out around here, get some cleaning done & possibly pick up some paint for the Bedroom.

I'm not sure what time WH is planning on having DS back, but if you get back this way early enough & would like to grab an early dinner let me know -

Kim

Stop -

DS is going to be back at 6:30. Post here if you get back before then & want to meet up for a bite. I can e-mail you my phone #.

Kim

Loneliness .......

I understand the feeling , as I feel that way even when a room full of people.

Its like a part of you is missing and you don't know were its gone. You look and look but can't find it.

The house is to quiet so you turn on tv, radio any noise you can find to make it ok.

You go to bed at night and you realize how big the bed really is. You feel lost in it and you cuddle a pillow and curl up in a little ball.

Sometimes I wonder is it the loneliness of missing my H or is it jut missing having someone anyone to talk to, cuddle with and to laugh or cry with.

The children are around but its not the same. Your not really alone but the void it still there.

So really is it we miss who we had or is it our fear of being alone?

I wonder.......

Some of our situations may vary slightly, but as a BS, I think, we can all identify with...

....the loneliness, particularly when compared to a WS who has supposedly found his "soulmate" (whether it is true or not!), when we have not 'chosen' to no longer be in a relationship (but rather resulting from a unilateral decision of WH)

...'having' to be the 'responsible one' compensanting for a WS who is not all 'there' right now,


quote:-------------------------------------------------
Hurting: So really is it we miss who we had or is it our fear of being alone?
-------------------------------------------------------

Could be a bit of both, I guess, Hurting.

...but, I am all for taking off with Stop.... at least temporarily....just to take a break from my life, lighten up because at times life feels 'so heavy'.

Actually, besides turning TV or radio on, like Hurting, when I am really ALL by myself, which didn't happen much before, I have tried to have 'conversations' with myself out loud, like, I will have a question and answer myself. You might feel 'silly' but it's a change from the 'seriousness'.

.....because bottom line, inspite of it all, is still: I would rather be alone if it's not with H.

....WH was cruel, insensitive, egotistical, manipulative, irresponsible, neglectful and demanding (just to name a few) and don't want him in my life.

..and life may be lonely, but it is more peaceful away from the chaos.

Reading the book Codependant No More is really helping me to better understand and to fear less 'emotions'. They will come and they will go. The sooner you give it a voice, don't judge, the better it is, and the sooner you move on.

So...Stop (and the others)...give yourselves permission to ramble on, it might help in the longrun.

{{{{{{{{{{{to all}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

In my case...it's that I really miss who I had....

Frequently, when I go to bed at night I remember how we used to "spoon". That was great. She was a lot smaller than me (she's under 5'), but we seemed to fit together just right....

I miss that...

Hi {{stwp}},

I'll just offer some advice that it does get better.Small concession for now I am sure but I am also an only child and have always been fine being alone and need to be alone, a lot.I joked to someone on the dating board that I could easily be Tom Hanks in CastAway and come back 4 years later feeling refreshed! lol

Like the others have eluded to,I had periods where I was missing what I had,the man I loved,the comfort,enjoyment and safety of my marriage.You're right in the middle of this mess and your DDay wasn't so long ago.It's normal to feel as you do.Give yourself a hug and say it will be all right because it will be no matter how things turn out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I know you don't like the feelings you have.Who wants to feel badly? It's not nice.But it's necessary to proceed to a recovery stage.Feel the feelngs,explore them if you can and remember that they will pass.The key is keeping fulfilled in many other areas of your life.We came to our marriages as individuals and we always are.You had hopes and dreams before you met your spouse right? We all did.Take comfort in those and reminisce.It helps me to remember good times I had in my childhood or with my beautiful daughters.

By golly your WH will not destroy YOU.Don't let it happen.You have much to give in this world.

O