Hi everyone, for those not familiar with my story you can read it HERE.

We had a court date on Nov 1st. I'm not sure what it was "officially called" but it was when my WW's Defense Attorney first speaks with the DA. I think it was called a Status hearing or something like that. This is bascially the first time the DA can offer a plea bargain if he desires.

The DA offered nothing. My WW's Defense Attorney said this was alittle odd and means 1 of 2 things.

1) This DA doesn't offer anything this early on.
2) The DA thinks he's got a great case.

I'm not really happy with either of those 2 reasons, but what can i do?

My gut tells me this thing is going the distance i just hope i don't find out any suprises along the way.

I'm not real sure what a pre-trial involves, but that's what is next. My WW's Defense attorney already mentioned needing to question the OM and the OMW and get ahold of cell phone records of the OM.

I got a years worth of cell phone records from my WW's cell phone company and went through them last week highlighting all cell phone calls and pages my WW made to the OM, but the records don't show incoming calls.

There were ALOT of calls. morning, afternoon, night, early am, weekends...you name it.

My WW claims that those are "nothing" compared to the calls the OM made to her...like that helps the pain...

Anyhow i was told to come visit this area as it has alot more traffic then where i origionally posted.

yegads, I get the chills just imagining an angered OW showing up at my house with a gun. How has the OM's W, her victim, fared? Is she still with her H?

I read some of your story, Donny, and I would only caution you to be ready to find out that your W has not been completely honest with you about everything. This is very typical in the fallout from affairs. It is the very RARE WS that tells the entire, complete truth the first go around. Hopefully, you are prepared for this.

Are you still planning on moving after the trial? And secondly, how is your W handling withdrawal from the OM?

At the restraining order hearing the OMW stated that her H is no living at their house anymore, but comes over to help with the kids.




Yes i plan to move, but that is out of my hands. When the military tells me i can move i will, until then i am stuck here.

My WW and withdrawl from the OM? ****** i don't know she hasn't said anything to me. Her lawyer forbids her from any contact with the OM or the OMW be it phone, inperson..whatever. My WW knows that if she violates this her lawyer will drop her so i don't believe she will attempt contact.

I do worry about the OM though trying to contact my WW. He's out of his house and who knows where he's living. My quess is he's lonely and it wouldn't suprise me if he tries to eventually contact my WW. The worst part is "legally" he can. There is no restraining order in place involving my WW and the OM, just my WW and the OMW & kids.

It's out of my hands. I can't watch my WW 24/7 if she wants to contact him she will i just hope she won't.

Well doing some math in my head i believe my WW was with the OM while the OMW was still pregnant with their 2nd child.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much if anything i would think that would be a huge issue for the OMW. I guess it's the thought that my WW would be with OT while she knew his wife was carrying his child and about to give birth.

Anyhow it's 3:30am here and i've been stressing this a lot tonight it's keeping me from sleeping.

I still find that the oddest things (thoughts) set off triggers.

Earlier this evening we were driving home from a softball game and we passed a hotel. (most of my WW and OM A took place in a hotel). Thing is i don't know which hotel it happened in. The hotel we passed had a Mermaid on it. About a month ago i was looking online for hotels because my parents are coming out to visit and i was viewing this hotel with a Mermaid on it and my WW looked over at the computer and said "not that hotel it looks cheap". Well for some reason tonight that conversation came back to me and i told my WW about it.

My WW told me "i've never been at THAT hotel". I guess she thought that would ease my mind, but all it did was erase 1 hotel off my list of about 2000 that she could have been at.

I find it very hard still to drive around. We pass hotels constantly and i'm always wondering if "that's the one". When i talked with my counciler last Thurs. i told her about the issue i'm having passing by hotels and she told me if i thought it would be easier to know the EXACT hotel then just ask my WW to tell me.

I'm still drawn...What do you people think? If you were in my situation would you want to know the EXACT hotel or would you rather not know? I'm finding it hard to not know because we pass so many hotels on errands and i'm always looking at them and wondering. I'm just not sure if knowing the EXACT hotel would make it easier on me or not.

DonnyK, I am sorry you are going through such a devastating sitch as that. And 9K bail, wow! I would have to say, IMO, your W alibi does not make any sense to me. How would her exposing the affair make it more possible for him to get custody of his children, infact just the opposite would happen? So that is a bizarre statement, it just doesn't sound right. If that is the same statement the DA has...he is probably laughing. Is it a possibility that OM was trying to break off the R with her, and she got mad and threatened to tell his wife, and did? I think she is lieing, but everything will come out in court, I'm sure. All affairs are based on lies anyway, but now it's her duty to be come clean and be honest with you and everyone.

If you want her to tell you the hotels they stayed at then asked her, it will at least rule out the other 2000 that you pass by. Infact ask her all the questions you need answers to. Don't be afraid to do this it will help you eventually heal. I asked my H everything, I wanted details, and you may also. It's okay to want to know everything, even if it hurts. The wondering will hurt more.

It sounds like it will be a long road for you and your W.
I only hope she will now be radically honest with you about everything.

Lady

I asked that same question. According to my WW the OM had tried to get her to leave him in the past, but she refused and demanded they work on their marriage via MC and forced him to go. My WW is basically saying that the OM convinced her to go and tell the OMW so she heard it from someone other then him.

I kind of understand that. I keep telling my WW now that if she tells me the truth about things i ask we can get through them, but if i find out in court or anywhere else then we can not. I think the same thing might apply here.

The OMW asked him if he was having an A with my WW and he said no because he was afraid she would try and get him to "work it out" if he admitted to it. If he said no, and then my WW told the OMW about the A she wouldn't want to work it out.

I am still not sure if my WW did this all on her own or if the OM had a hand in it and he was the mastermind behind it and i don't honestly think i'll ever know or find out in court. Lawyers lie, truths get twisted...etc.

No way....why would OM ask your WW to tell his W about the affair and risk his whole career, reputation, and children? I'm sorry DonnyK don't think he asked her to say anything to OMW.... jealousy and anger of thier break up may have led her to tell OMW.

If OM wanted MC, why would he tell your W to tell his W of the affair so that he could get custody of children. Prior to this all OMW knew of was the phone calls, message texts, etc...

I just couldn't see OM saying... "please go tell my W everything about our affair, or else I will fire you"

I don't want to upset you... but I think there is more to the story than what you are hearing.

My sympathies to you DonnyK. Keep asking her questions.

Praying for you,
Lady

1. OM wants MC with his wife, and tries to break off R with your wife.

2. Why would he then say...."no I won't tell her because she would want to work it out?"

Lady

The charges are weird as well.
1. Why domestic burgulary if she was invited into the home.
Did your W enter the home on her own without being invited in?
2. What does wrongful imprisonment mean?
3. Assault with a deadly weapon...BB gun. Did she hit her with a BB gun?

Lady

Donny, you realize that your W's story makes no sense, don't you? It sounds like she broke into the OM's home with a BB gun and threatened this poor woman. And perhaps even held her hostage, ie: the wrongful imprisonment charge. All of the excuses she gave for going there, don't erase these stark truths.

This is very violent, psychotic behavior. Is she under some kind of psychological supervision?

Have you ever seen the movie, Play Misty for Me? That is what this case reminds me of.

I agree with ladysheep and of course the all wise Melody. This story doesn't wash at all. It reminds me of the Joey Buttafuco/Amy Fisher nightmare.

If they were in MC and he wanted to end the marriage and was such a weak man that he couldn't tell the wife himself, he would have gotten the MC to do it...not the OW..with a gun..and breaking into his home with his children there. I know you love your wife and are clouded by the desire to believe her, but this is so far fetched that I'm sure the DA is laughing at her version of the events.

Being the BS and having the psycho ow come onto my property (not inside and not with a gun) and it being years later, I'm still cautious of noises and people around my property. I felt violated at that. This woman is very nervous because restraining orders mean little if the person comes onto the property and kills you. The police can't be there all the time. I feel for her and her children.

Where is everyone getting this info? I stated that OMW demanded they go to MC, the OM wanted no part in MC, but was forced to go by his wife...

OM believed that if he confessed the A to his wife she would want to work it out and get past it. OM just wanted her to leave, then he could fight for custody of his kids. What grounds would he have for getting his kids...financial i guess since he's a DR., but with a wife filing for D on grounds of Adultry i don't know how that would work out for him.

I'm not saying i believe what i've been told, i'm just trying to clarify it.

No, and i say this reading the OMW's statement. She clearly states in it that my WW showed up at her home (OMW was outside talking to a neighbor at the time) My WW then asked her if she wanted to talk and the OMW said yes and invited her inside. This is from the OMW statement i just re-read it. I have no idea why she has this charge, maybe because the police believe the intent of my WW was to get in the house regardless..

It means the OMW claims that once my WW was in her house my WW wouldn't let her leave her own house. OMW claims that my WW deadbolted her door shut and when OMW tried to leave the house my WW wouldn't let her.


From the OMW statement they wrestled around for the BB gun, OMW says she was hit with it and so does my WW. Sounds to me like they both hit each other with it. My WW got hit with it twice in the head for sure. We had to take her to the hospital so the 2 lumps on her head could be looked at as well as very deep bit marks on my WW's left index finger caused by OMW during the fight. (bite marks were on my WW LEFT finger and she's right handed) My first though was the OMW was biting my WW "trigger" finger, but that isn't the case.

From this quote....

I'm sorry I misunderstood, I thought you meant OM was trying to get your WW to leave him, and wanting MC w/ his W.

Lady

DonnyK

The bottom line is she shouldn't have been in that home, she shouldn't hsve had a gun with her, and she shouldn't have been having an affair with her husband.

I can't imagine inviting someone into my home who was having an affair with my husband especially if that person had a gun with them. If I had been OMW, I would have beat your wife unconscious until the police could get there.

The story the OM gave about not wanting to go to marriage counseling but his wife forced him is hogwash. What did she do-hold a BB gun to his head?

I'm sure your wife intrepreted their sexual encounters as an expression of his feelings for her, unfortunately, for him it was more than likely nothing but meaningless sex. Could it be that it dawned on your wife how he used her and she lost it?

I do feel anger at your wife for what she's participated in but at the same time I feel great sadness for her. When she wakes up from this nightmare, she'll be devastated at how many lives she horribly damaged. She'll see what a worthless excuse for a human being he is and what she sacrificed for someone so unworthy.

Hang in there Donny and understand to those who are not emotionally involved that her account of the events do not make sense. You won't hear the truth for awhile yet because I would be willing to bet it's too difficult for her to look at the truth. She's deluded herself for a long time and it takes time for that delusion to go away.

Don't try to defend her because there is no defense. Don't try to tweak the situation to fit her story. Let her stand accountable for her acitons and she'll learn a very powerful lesson...

Though....JPH is right. If OM & OMW were going to MC, why wouldn't OM have brought that up w/ the MC to handle not WW?
Why wouldn't he just say he wanted a D then and there?

Just because OM is a Dr. wouldn't necessarily mean he would get custody, especially when he is the one who committed the adultery??? That definitely isn't a rational/sound reason to have your WW go and tell OMW. And why would WW end up in such a fight as that?

OMW is making it sound like WW came there intending to fight.

Did your WW say she held OMW in the house that way?

Gees, DonnyK....I can't believe that is happening. What a mess!

But....I do believe some of the charges can be reduced to misdemenors... hopefully.... with a good lawyer.

Do you both want your marriage reconciled?

My WW says she did not hold OMW in the house at all and that she never locked any doors. OMW is at least twice the size of my WW and twice as strong. My WW got beat-up pretty good. The only reason my WW got out of the house in one piece is because a male neighbor of OMW heard the shouting going on in the house and came inside and seperated them. He then told my WW to leave and call the police and he dialed the police from OMW's house.

My WW did dial the police from down the street at a safe shopping area and waited for them to come to her.

Yes we both want to reconcile, but i will only do so if i am told the 100% truth by my WW, if i find out lies she's still keeping from me in court or anywhere else i can't continue this relationship, if it comes out in court that my WW did this all on her own, again i can't forgive that.

I'm hoping for the best, i hope my WW is telling me what really happened that day, if so we can move on. Right now i'm all she has, i know this so asking if she wants to reconcile is moot. I believe she loves me still and always has i just don't know if her plan was to get back with the OM without me knowing or if she was forced to do this.

Okay...If the neighbor came in and separated them, then the door must have not been locked.

So "if" the neighbor testifies that he walked in with the door unlocked, your WW if off the hook on the imprisonment charge.


Who is the one that attacked or hit first?

Donny, what really happened is that your W went to the OMW house with a gun. It doesn't matter what cockamamey excuse she gives for that, that is a horrificly, violent act that should frighten you. Not only was she screwing this woman's H and destroying his marriage but she went to her house.

Your WW *DID* do this all on her own. It doesn't matter if Jesus himself told her go there, she ALONE made the decision to do this. She can't use the excuse that someone told her to do it. That excuse doesn't fly in first grade and it sure won't fly in a court of law. She is an adult. Your W went there with a gun, and that should tell you she wasn't going there to smoke a peace pipe.

Again, I hate to say this, but you should prepare yourself to find out that your W has lied about ALOT of things. She has been actively lying to you for years about this affair, so it shouldn't be surprising to find out she is lying about this.