I guarantee you, if some OW, who was screwing my H, came to my house with a GUN, she would get more than an [censored] whooping, she would be wearing a pound of METAL from my pistol.

Okay....OMW state she invited WW in. The only way the domestic burglary charge could stand is if OMW asked WW to leave and she refused. Did OMW ever ask WW to get out?

Okay....I understand.... we don't know where the gun came from. It could have already been in the house as OMW's gun, not necessarily that your WW brought it there. It would make a big difference if WW brought the gun with her, but we don't know that...so I won't speculate.

If the BB gun is your wifes, that will be a big problem for her lawyer. Why bring a BB gun?? How did it get produced etc!!

I have reservations about what "will and won't" come out in court. Of course i hope the whole truth will come out regardless of what it is, but i just don't see that happening.

My WW's Defense Attorney won't let that happen he's being paid to "get her off the hook" if he can.

I'm going with my gut and my gut tells me her story doesn't wash.

I told her tonight that i am putting "her and I" on hold until all the court stuff is over.

I'm not moving out or leaving her, but i can't allow myself to try and work on our marriage when the truth is that i just don't believe her story. If she loves me like she says she does she'll wait till the whole court thing is over and we'll go from there.

We will still attend MC and IC..well at least i will i can only hope she will too.

I'm still going to do my best to keep things as normal as possible around the kids and i still plan to attend all court hearings with my WW.

I just can't allow myself to be hurt anymore then i already am. I know i couldn't bare the pain of working on this damage to my marriage only to find out more lies were kept from me.

Tonight just broke me. I have been trying to get my wife's cell phone # changed, but her provider informed me that i couldn't do it until today without taking a $100 penality. Tonight when i got home from work i grabbed her cell phone to call her provider....

I discovered that the OM's phone numbers were still on her phone and all of them were locked with "secret" passwords to view them. She also had 2 other doctors from her work on her address book and their #'s too were passworded. This actually amused me. I asked her why she would lock all the doctor's passwords and her reply was that she didn't want anyone to know them should her phone be stolen.

Okay, i was born, but it wasn't yesterday...My cell phone # wasn't passworded nor was my son's or our home phone #. No other #'s were passworded on her phone. Clever attempt to cover she did. I know damn well she was hiding his #'s and used the other doctor's #'s as her cover. What sickens me is she couldn't even admit to that...I know she hasn't contacted the OM since all of this happened. She swears she thought she deleted all his #'s off of her phone, but apparently not since i discovered them still there.

If that wasn't enough i found 4 "quick text" messages stored on her phone. One was "good morning" with a kissy face, the other was "good night" with a kissy face, one was 3 kissy faces and the last one was "i luv you" with a kissy face....NONE of those text messages came to my cell phone from her so i wonder who she was sending them too... I'm not 100% positive on the "I luv you" one i know she's sent me that before, but i never remember it coming with a kissy face... The other 3 i know were messages she was sending him. With all that is going on i know this is "minor", but it still pisses me off.

*sarcasm ON* As good a job that my WW did of hiding a 14 month A from me is it too much to ask that she could at least clean up "trails" of it now that i know?
*sarcasm OFF*

Over the last 4 days i've been finding stupid crap like this each day. It's like i walk in the house and someone immediately punches me in the gut.

I'll update more as things move on.

Donny, I would take a look at her cell phone bill. I would not be surprised to find out she is still in touch with the Dr.

Is this her first affair?

I have full access to her cell phone bill the account is in my name.

If she is in contact with him she deserves what she gets. If it's found out her lawyer will drop her like a hot potatoe.

DonnyK,

First, stop the snooping but document eveything that you have found. If you can smell horseapples, tasting them to prove their existence is repugnant.

I would do everything in my power to accelerate her plunge to the bottom of this abyss.

Legally, do what her attorney asks of you. Personally, don't believe a word of it.

Don't tolerate her lies. Don't tolerate her excuses. Your answer to both is to silently walk away from her.

Best of luck

"Clever attempt to cover she did."

Yoda you are not....but Yoda you are becoming.

"It's like i walk in the house and someone immediately punches me in the gut."

This will pass. I am sorry for your pain......it is good you've put "things" on hold. Things seldom turn out without reservations when they are accomplished with a rash judgement.

- Kimmy

Mel..a pound of metal...in true Texas style...

Donny

If the relationship is over, she should be showing signs of it. I don't get that impression from your posts. MC'ing won't work if the affair is still ongoing. When you talk with her do you get the impression that she's not in the conversation? Does she seem as if she's someone you don't know? That's the addiction to the affair and it's got to be broken to heal.

You know good and well who received those text messages. And this is NOT minor so don't beat yourself up for getting upset. Be prepared now that you've discovered her cell phone that she'll go to either a hidden cell phone or phone cards.

You might want to speak to your attorney about getting a restraining order to keep the OM away from her and your family. Broach the subject and see what reaction you receive. It will tell you volumes...

Well i think the A is over for them there aren't many people in either of their lives who don't know about the affair, family, friends and co-workers. Maybe they would consider continuing the A if there weren't serious LEGAL matters pending. I don't think either my WW or the OM are stupid enough to try and contact each other while the legal matters are ongoing.

After the legal matters are done...i can only hope. I have this home computer on lockdown she can't do anything on it without me knowing. I have her cell phone on lockdown as well.

Sure she can hop in her car and head to a payphone and i can't stop that. Bottom line is if she wants to make contact with OM she will. I can't watch her 24/7 and don't want to.

I've put in safety measure for ME. OM has no way of contacting my WW short of coming to my house and i know he won't do that.

Today i had my WW's cell phone # changed as well and told her she was not to give her new # to ANYONE at her former office (she happily agreed). Her friends at work can call our house phone if they want to talk to her. This way i'll know if OM gets her new cell # i know he got it from my WW.

I get copies of all bills emailed to me at my work so i am no longer in the dark.

I hope this all gets sorted out. Tension in the house isn't a good thing we are doing okay today, but i see many storms in the near future.

Well the rest of my day was somewhat rocky.

WW isn't sure she wants to attend her IC this Thursday though. In her eyes it's now a waste of time that we are attending MC if i have no desire at this time to try and work on our marriage.

I'm not sure what to make of this...I mean she is somewhat right. I still want to go to MC and my IC regardless it helps me to talk to a counciler, but do i have any right to ask her to go anymore when i'm the one that basically put "us" on hold until all the court stuff is over?

My heart tells me she should still go, if not for "us" or "me" for "HER".

I told her to decide what she wants to do tomorrow and if she decides she doesn't want to go to let me know and i will take her IC spot and go by myself.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Should i press her to go? In a weird way it feels to me if she doesn't go she's giving up on "us", but i don't know how i can be feeling that when i'm the one that put "us on hold". I mean i still love her and still want to be with her i just don't want to move forward with our relationship until all the court stuff is over.

I tried explaining this to her earlier today and she said:

"so you are telling me that you don't believe me and you basically want to sit back and watch what happens in court and depending on how it goes you might or might not want to be with me? If that's the case when you see that what i've been saying is the truth what makes you think i'll want to be with you when you didn't believe in me?"

My reply was "well what makes you think i'd want to be with someone who had an A on me for 14 months? I can only say that it's your choice. If what you are saying is true and it's proven in court i want to work on our relationship. I'm putting the ball in your court if i am wrong and you don't want to be with me after all the court stuff is over i will have to live with that."

I got a text message from her shortly after that conversation stating that she understands that we both have different emotions going on right now and different ways of looking at this and she understands.

We've been okay the rest of the day and this evening, but it's going to be a day by day thing.

Next week my parents fly in to spend Thanksgiving weekend with us, that should prove "interesting". They both know what's going on, i'm just worried that my WW won't be able to handle seeing them. She says she will be fine and is planning on making Thanksgiving Day dinner for all of us...

Never underestimate the stupidity of a WS.

DonnyK:

Listening to your story sounds a lot like mine...at least with the phone calls.

FWIW, I have just purchased a book here in SC written specifically about D and separation in this state. It is a workbook which basically goes through everything including how to pick a lawyer and is complete with worksheets. It was written by a lawyer here in SC more than 20 years ago to give the common person some straight forward answers. It is currently in its 6 revision. It even covers what to wear and how to act in court.

Now, although it pertains to the laws of SC, some of this may carry over, or at least be of help.

In the chapter of Proving the Grounds for Diviorce

excerpt:"adultery is rarely proven by direct eye-witness testimony. Adultery by its nature is committed in private away from the eyes of others. Therefore, adultery is usually proved by circumstantial evidence. The circumstances that must be proved are that the person was inclined to commit adultery and had the opportunity to commit adultery. The real test is whether or not the judge believes that the person committed adultery. Family court (it's called that here in SC) judges were not born yesterday and they are quick to believe that adultery was committed if two persons romantically attrracted to each other are alone in a motel room, a home, or a parked automobile. Photographs of the persons together make good corroborative evidence. The most common defenses to adultery are that adultery did not occur, that ther eis an innocent explanation, or the proof is insufficient"

So, here in SC no one has to witness the act, but only that there is a good possibility. Phone records can only help.

Look, my WW called her OM 500 times (64 hours) in less than 3 months. At all hours of the day and night. She also sent him cards and letters and even encouraged him to get a P.O. box for secrecy! It would have been a PA I believe if it weren't for the fact that they are separated by some 600 miles. Now, if they do meet up even for "coffee" at a family function say in my case over the next 3 weeks, then I will have the necessary data to go with Adultery here in SC.

Gee, I wonder what will or would be said to the fact that my WW packed a bunch of sexy lingiere for her trip back home to visit "friends" and family over Thanksgiving?

talking to lawyer soon.

p47d

Well i'm not there yet. Sounds to me from your post that you are already planning to Divorce under Adultery.

I'm still trying to R with my WW. If it comes down to Divorce in the future i don't think i'll have any problem proving adultery. My WW admitted to the A in her police statement which i have a copy of. There is also the possibility that my wife could face jail time on all or some of the 3 felony charges she's facing so i don't think custody of the kids would be an issue for me either should it come to that.

Problem is that i have no desire right now to Seperate or Divorce i want to fix my marriage IF what i have been told by my WW proves to be true.

If in court it is decided that my WW did this all on her own and her intent was to get rid of the OMW without his knowledge then my WW can have the OM. I'm sure they'll have a great relationship...her in a orange jumpsuit behind bars, him working to pay his former wife alimony...

DonnyK


Donny, that is WS babble. I'm sure you recognized that.
It's also very manipulative.

Your reply, "I'm surprised you would expect me to believe in you at this point, after 14 months of lies, sneaking around, adultery, and criminal charges!"

Donny, she is really is fortunate to be home at this point.
And she needs to realize that.

Am I wondering, being the circumstances of the criminal charges, weather you should have allowed her back home yet.


Today the Harleys are on talk radio, from 2-3pm CST.
If you have any questions you could call in and ask them.
You are in such a difficult situation Donny, and I think guidance from the professionals would benefit you greatly.

If you are interested in asking them any questions....
Look to the top right corner of this page there is "Marriage Talk Radio" click there.

Lady

>Well i'm not there yet. Sounds to me from your post that you are already planning to Divorce under Adultery.

No, I am not. I am trying to R with WW also, but I was told my 2 different counselors to speak with an attorney to get a feel for the entire situation.

Also, FYI in SC concerning adultery, states that if say in our case, WW commits adultery and then you have sex with your W, you have now condoned the adultery! This would then mean that you cannot press for adultery because you slept with your W after you knew she committed adultery.

This in my situation puts a whole new light on the subject, because we have had relations, but there is no way I am condoning her A! But, in the eyes of the court, I am.

Also, here in SC, if you separate, you CANNOT date, period. Nor can you even be seen with another woman alone, say at your house.

Here in SC adultery is usually proved by circumstantial evidence. Two circumstances must be proved: first that the person is inclined to commit adultery and second, that the person had the opportunity to commit adultery. Seeing that everyone is basically inclined to commit adultery, one only need to prove that the opportunity existed. Two people alone together will kill it! The asumption is that if you are alone, it did happen.

All I am saying is that it is not unwise to check into the legal ramifications. They vary by state and in the end, it might be very easy for you to prove adultery, but there might be a provision like the one in SC that voids all of that if you have relations with your W.

Also here in SC, if you agree to R the marriage, at that time, all is forgiven. You cannot then use prior evidence say in the case of adultery. With an agreement to recover, both spouses agree to wipe the slate clean.

Again, this is all an eye opener for me. The law is the law and not knowing your rights or exactly what the law says, can only harm you in the end.

I'm still banking on recovery, but I need to also know what my legal rights are.

p47d

That's good info that i didn't know as well. I'll have to check into what the laws here in CA are if it gets to that point.

The only way i see it getting to that point are if she is convicted on a felony(s). If that turns out to be the case i'm guessing i wouldn't have a very hard time getting custody of our kids should it have to come to that.

I don't think i will find out 100% what really happened EVER, but i hope i can get a real good feel for what happened if the Prosecution does it's job.

Donny,

Wish you well. Like I said, it is just info but it pertains to SC only.

I also know in North Carolina, they have some law regarding adultery when it merely involves phone calls. I overheard a lawyer friend talking about it with another. Says there are huge penalties (monetary) simply based on EA involving phone calls.

CA may be a little more liberal than NC and SC seeing that I am in the midst of the bible belt and folks down here to not take kindly to adultery. Well at least within the courts there are some old timers who really frown on adultery. I'm just not sure about the issue getting wiped clean if my W comes on to me and seduces me! There has got to be more to it. But anyway, it is just info and something to think about. Personally, I don't want it to come to that and will do what I can to prevent any D, but I also can't stick my head in the sand hoping it will just go away either.

p47d