WH has been home for 60 days now, at frist he came home for children. It was only after a little bluebird told OWH did the affiar end. Things look better now, he is showing more kindness to me, touching me as he walks by that sort of thing calls me from his work, and he is working alot of hours, paychecks reveal this to be true. Last night we had a heart to heart chat. he told me he still thinks of getting a divorce, but he went on to say that he thinks about how much he enjoys comming home to his family. ( we have 3 children 10 and under)I check his phone for mintues used they match mine. He has closed his emails accounts, (thanks keylogger 8P) However in yesterdays mail, he got a letter from a new bank seems he has opened a new account, I lefted it in mailbox saying no mail when i checked it, he brought mail in and no word that he had got the letter. Said all we got was bills. This is the only thing that is alarming me. He tells me he loves me, and if i did not know what i do i would believe him, He said that he is feeling better about me, but our troubles started long before his A, and it would take time for them to get back to the way it was, I worry alot, i still expect him to walk out the door, The new bank only makes sense he works EMS 24 hour shifts, and he needs a place to cash checks that kind of thing, or am I the Queen of Denile? Any thought from anyone be it good or bad.

Sounds like things are going reasonably well, but I'm concerned that he still thinks about divorce. Have you two talked about the cause of the A? Are there changes you need to make, or does he have issues?

Also I would be worried about the new account.

I ask him if he still had thoughts of divorce, I needed to know, he has been honest to a point about somethings, Yes we have talked about the A, he still maintains it was only talking to each other, If this is true, it was because she did not want it, he would if he could have . So to me that is just the same as doing it. Our trouble started before the A began, he told me he began talking to her once he moved out of our home. Our trouble was work, i retired from my job, so he would haev a better shot at getting the directors spot, he really wanted it, he did not get it, He met up with old HS girlfriend, she was well it just took him back to HS trying to relive his old days. Our home life now is ok, he drinks a few beers at night once the children are in bed, I really think he is going thur his midlife thing now. Just how long does this last? lol
With all the stress we have in our life this past year, he has been the the hospital 2 times, so i know stress was a major role in our marriage. I do not know what to think about the new bank account, he did not have an atm card, and so its ok that he did get a new account, what i do not understand is why he has not told me, His cellphone bill comes to our house now, it was going to his mothers house, so why did he give our address on bank account if he was going to hide it from, heck he could just as easy get a po box to have it mailed to. I am not getting my hopes up that he is home to stay, I pray for guidenes each day, I take our children to chruch every Sunday, and I had my sister open a savings account in her name, i put money in as i can,He keeps saying its gonna take time to get things back,
How i really feel is that i love him, or love who he once was, but that he is only home with me and our children because he does not want to pay child support. we talk about the good times we had in past even talk about things we would like to do in the future together, BUT even thou I haev ask to go on a date just the two of us, that has yet to happen, we are doing more with our children taking them to movies family things like that, But nothing yet as a couple, this worries me a great deal, we could go see a movie or out to lunch while our children are in school. Heck i would be happy just going to the suppermarket alone with him.

Is the SF back? Or is he avoiding you there too?

SF? If you mean our humm bedroom life , that never stopped even when he moved out , he has often said our sexlife was never a problem, but it has changed alot, when he moved out sometimes it was just sex, and I could tell when it was just that, but sometimes during our seperation he did make love to me, now its warm and tender like when we frist got married. We cuddle in bed now without it being a form of foreplay, I guess what I am trying to say is he shows me warmth and tenderness with sex involved.

Duh that should read without sex being involved.

That sounds very, very good.

Who knows if he is having a MLC or depressed because he didn't get the job he wanted. But I'm very hopeful for your marriage. See if you can hang in there a bit longer. I know how hard it is.

I hope you are getting your emotional needs met somewhere. Do you have a good support group?

Yes I have a great support group, my mother has been really wonderful to me during this as well as his family, they all tell me he has lost his mind. We have good days and bad but the good out number the bad, I am keeping both feet on the ground, its hard sometimes, I feel like i am in a limbo. I have lost 60 pounds, thats a good thing lol i was at 200 in July. He made a few comments on the wieght, but never has told me that i look ok now, But he did tell me one of the guys saw me and did not know who i was till i spoke to him. I have never had much confidence in myself, but its nice to know that someone noticed and told him lol and the fact that he told me they did.

Okay bonnie
I don't know much history with your situation. But did he work with this person or was it some where else he met her. I just ask because MY WH is in EMS and he met his at work. I just worry that they may have cooled things down to hide it better. So that later they can resume thier affair. I hate to be a doubting thomas in your case but I want you to not trust him to soon. Mine thinks he has found a better deal. He is living with his since she has gotten her divorce.

the OW is far from work in EMS, I think that was part of the attraction, old HS girlfriend etc etc . And I am taking it one day at a time. And working in EMS, i know just how easy it is to fool around on duty. its sad but true the divorce rate is very high(

Good this is very good I wish you luck with yours. My WH and I have been together for 8 years and I am the reason he was able to really start a career in ems. I put him through paramedic school and this is my thanks but I will wait he will wake up I have no doubt but by then it may be to late.