She has been gone over a year now and we are divorced. I am fine financially, have the house, kids have recovered, my job is good, and I am keeping busy. Have a wonderful therapist and I started taking anti-d's again. Plus, I have the best family and friends one could ever want.

But, emotionally, I am still on the roller-coaster. I sometimes get so darn depressed.... The days are getting longer up here in WI and colder also so that doesn't help either.

How long will I miss my X and be depressed about it? I know the answer will vary and there really isn't an answer but I would like to hear some of your stories and how you coped.

Keith

no story here -- I am still in the middle of it--but I have been divorced before and though no infidelity was involved I was caught off guard. It took me about a year to get over it I had days where I was feeling great and free and others where I was cursing my ex for divorcing me.

Time is the answer. Also it sounds like you might get the winter blues --plan a warm weather vacation. Something to look forward to.

Exercise too -- even though its the last thing I want to do when I am depressed I always feel much better after.

BHINWI -- I will try to head my own advice -- because today I am feeling just as depressed.

{{{{BHINWH}}}} I am sorry you are feeling so bad. We just have to stay positive and know it is going to get better.

tdr

Hiya Keith -

Sorry to hear that you're struggling emotionally still. There really is no concrete answer for your question. I've heard it said that it could take up to half the time that you and your wife were together. but who knows for sure.

Myself, what has helped me was, of coarse, MB and another board, I found new friends....mostly online..lol..but I've met some wonderful people online. I realized that his leaving me was NOT about me, but about HIM. I still struggle with feeling unlovable, but I don't stay there because I know that I'm a great and lovable person..I'm not perfect and don't pretend to be. I focus on my 4 wonderful kids..oh yes..and my wonderful daugther in law..hehe..

We were together for 16 years, married for 14 years. I worshipped the ground he walked on.. I lived to gain his approval of me as a person/wife and mother..I never got it. So when he left (and has yet to look back) I was devistated. I had no identity outside of X...or so I thought..since he has left I have been raising 3 kids, sending 2 kids to private school, taking care of my home and two rentals..I've replaced door locks, faucets and I've even chopped firewood.

I understand the roller coaster of emotions... it's tough and it isn't fair.. but there is nothing you or I can do about it. I also found it helpful to just vent often, either on the board here or in a journal. I even had a friend of mine that was going through the same thing, we would email each other and just let it out... it was the best therapy I had..lol...

Sending hugs your way {{{Keith}}}.... I hope you're able to heal soon... please don't get discouraged, it is only temporary, you'll find happiness when you least expect it. Hang in there.

Take care,

~Jamie~

Keith - Sorry you are still feeling kind of down. Hope you are getting out and meeting new friends.

It has been almost 3 years since D-day for me, and I'm doing fine. But it took almost 2 years for me to get to that place.

I forced myself to go out and do things. Let my friends/neighbors/workmates know I was interested in doing anything at all. It really helped. Now I'm mad at myself for sitting around so long being miserable.

All, great advice and God bless you!!! I do exercise a lot, go out with friends, work on my old Victorian house (I have it almost done and it is the talk of the town!!) I have even gone on some casual dates.

It takes time though... It is the night time that is so hard. But, I no matter what, I am better than I was last year at this time.

Keith