Please advice!
We are married 6 years, no kids, Wife met OM as old as her father 3 months ago. I found out 2 weeks ago. Wife came back to our house 1 week ago because of work and would like to help me get over her. But first week not good. She wants me to leave the house now. I told her mother about the OM last night. She spend weekend with OM. How do I convince her to stay in same house. I want to start the plan A but she is in complete withdrawal even body language tells me she is over me. She said that she knows that it is wrong what she is doing and that she is a bad person but this is her time and she will do what she wants? So do I move out? If I force myself to stay she will leave or she will feel forced? Please help?

do not move out......

the relationship she is having is built totally on shifting sands...

they are the creators of its own destruction...

Plan A is all about her being in total withdrawal...it is what feeds her ability to treat you so badly.......
your job is to diffuse her irrational behavior by being the only one in her life who is grounded .....

have you read up and do you understand plan A...
ARK

Dear Van,
I know your situation seems to feel hopeless but you have come to the right place for support and advice.


Your wife is like a drug addict right now, and her drug of choice is the o/m. And like any addict, she is going to say or do anything to get her fix.
She is not thinking correctly at this time. She is in a fog. In order for her to see correctly, she will need to establish no contact what so ever with the o/m. This is accomplished by the exposure part of Plan A.


The first thing you have to do is expose your wife's affair to her family members, if the o/m is a coworker, then expose at work, exposure will accomplish opening up your wife's eyes to what her affair truely is, sleazy. It will also give you the added support of the o/m's wife, who will be beneficial in helping to break up the affair.

Read up on Plan A.
It consists of the carrot and the stick.
The carrot part is improving yourself, including no lovebusting, to attract your wife back.

The stick part of Plan A, is exposing the affair to family, friends, work if applicable, and o/m wife and relatives. Make sure you plan your exposure ahead of time, and expose to all in one day. Do not forwarn wife or o/m of what you are going to do. Expect a great amount of turmoil, anger, etc over the exposure. You will be expecting this, so compose yourself ahead of time and figure out what you are going to say when the fall out begins.


You are not alone through this. Most of the b/s have heard most of the same phrases that you have heard. W/S are very predictible in what they say or think.
Keep posting and lean on the experience of those that have gone through the same things and have come out on the other side.

It would be beneficial to read about Plan A, and Lovebusting on this website. Dr. Harley also has some books that will help you through this trying ti me. His Needs, Her Needs, Surviving an Affair are great books to start of with.



There is hope for you and your wife.

Yep thanks, I can't seem to find out things about the OM. I have only a sell number, should I phone him and ask him if he knows she is married, But no bad stuff? Should I tell WW that I have been to her previouse work place where they have med. I didn't tell them about the A but they where uneasy to help me with my questions. I don't think he is married but what I think is that he " when thru a bad divorce". But then all the stories doesn't match up. My wife have never lied to me or anybody before and thats why I know it is not herself. What should I say if she leaves or start the fight? And last week I wanted to stand infront of a train! thanks for the help.

One more thing, The divorce papers is here what should I do with them?

Don't move out. Tell your wife you don't intend to divorce. If the papers are a summons, then you must get an attorney and respond, otherwise ignore them.

As for the divorce papers well we work diffrently in this country, I don't have to sign them WW can sign them and then we just wait for 6 months of Seperation then it is final. Whould be intersting to know whet is the divorce rate here.
Should I phone the OM man because I told WW about the A? And I will tell her sister today

I did expose the affair to as many as I could this past weekend. She has left the house yesterday and I have not seen her. I text her late last night: Are you save and are you ok. She replied :yes. I feel I have now really pushed her into the OM arms. What should I do now???

1st u gotta go work on U. Help us out here can you at least give us some sort of geographical location so we have an idea which latitude or longetutde you reside at? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

U say the judge will grant a D w/o hearing your side? Hm..... what a deal for the WS. Go out and get yourself a lawyer before they steal your pants....I mean your wallet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

We live in Finland. We have all our stuff like the house and car is 50% mine according to the law. This would be easy clean break. But I would like to save the marriage. WW was very deppressed and we did not see each other that much. She was over worked and stressed and I did neglect her. OM took this time to slowly turn her over a time of 4 months. It is too easy to get a divorce in this country. I don't speak Finnish and this makes it very lonely here. I was very dependand on WW. WW family has been great to me and has been there for me. So plaese I am in your hands now guide me???

I think WW wants to move in with OM. Said she will quit her job and move her stuff in storage and that she does not have to work anymore.Any advices what can I do? The books SAA will take 2 weeks before they will be here.

There is nothing that you can do if she is determined to move in with OM. Tell her you love her and want to stay married, but can't force her to stay.

If she does move in with him, the affair may end sooner. There is nothing like reality to wake people up.

Stay in Plan A, which is to show her what a good husband you can be - no angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements.

WW is acting like 16 year old. WW always went to bed at 10pm and now past 12pm. Complete change in personality, Is this normal or is she trying to hide her true feelings? Is there a place where I can read more about the WW and what to expect?