WCG
I truly believe that if WS of an EA or emotional relationship does not include the spouse the "friendship" should be definitely OFF LIMITS.....PERIOD. 1st of all, how would you know if they are sharing intimate details of persepective marriages or not?.....you are not there. One thing that is absolutely true even if you do not believe this: THEY LIE.....EVEN IF ONLY PARTIALLY......THEY TWIST THE TRUTH, OR THEY LEAVE OUT THE TRUTH.(NON DISCLOSURE OF HIS CONTACT W "FRIEND" IS DECEITFUL) 2nd of all, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FULLY TRUST HIM AGAIN IF HE CONTINUES THIS FRIENDSHIP WITHOUT INCLUDING YOU? HOW ARE YOU EVER GOING TO FEEL LIKE #1 IN HIS LIFE? #3 HE IS TREADING VERY DANGEROUS WATER TO CONTINUE THIS FRIENDSHIP. (TRADING INTIMACIES W A GOOD FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IS VERY DANGEROUS) YOU HAVE ALL THE WARNING SIGNS OF A VERY DANGEROUS AND INAPPROPRIATE FRIENDSHIP.
With all that said, I fully understand where you are coming from. My H made me feel very "immature" for questioning his "frienship" with OW. But I soon realized that our M would be eventually destroyed if it continued even with no P contact. 1st of all, I could not trust this "friendship" to remain platonic. 2nd of all, why on earth does he have to share our struggles with another W and not discuss them with me? He eventually (with NC with her) became angry that I caused him to loose a "friend". What I finally told him after several temper tantrums from him was that if he wished to continue this "friendship" that was up to him, HOWEVER, IF HE CHOSE TO DO SO, OUR RELATIONSHIP WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME, IT WOULD CONTINUE TO DETERIORATE. IF THE FRIENDSHIP WAS WORTH DESTROYING OUR RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS UP TO HIM. One day at a time w us but I do believe we have even ironed that out. Time will tell. If you hang around this site you will see that what your H is doing is what they call "cake eating". (want their cake and eat it too) He is continuing his "friendship" at your expense.
BELLEVUE IS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF WHAT CAN HAPPEN IN A M BECAUSE OF AN INAPPROPRIATE "FRIENDSHIP." OUR M CAME WITHIN A HAIR OF BEING COMPLETELY DESTROYED, AND I AM STILL NOT 100% POSITIVE THAT WE WILL MAKE IT.
What does your MC say about this? I cannot believe that he/she is condoning this friendship of your H's when it is hurting you the way it is.
BELLEVUE-
I am sooooo sorry that you are going thru this. I did the same thing as you did w the encouragement etc. (not until I had a gut feeling that something was not right did I start to question it------3 yrs down the road) I am still not sure that my H and I are "out of the woods." I believe an EA to be at least as destructive if not in some respects more so than a PA. It is a devastating betrayal.
THE DANGER IS THAT YOU ARE LOOSING YOUR SPOUSES HEART TO ANOTHER...............AND WHEN THE HEART FINALLY GOES TO ANOTHER, THE BODY WILL FOLLOW. (JUST A FACT!)
Blessings to you both, I know exactly what you are going thru.
Tare
