How do you plan your holidays yourself? Do you rely on others for advice or do you do it on your own to not try and side with anyone? I am trying to decide on how to spend the holidays this year. Last two years I did the family thing, although my mother and sister have since moved and it felt forced as I had my holidays in my own before. Last year I broke down and visited the ex making my family angry.

This year I have been with two b/f's both who broke up with me before the holidays-so they could avoid the issue-and so I feel that my ex being alone, we ought to spend the holidays with his family, his father still is angry about our breakup and misses me and is getting near the end of his life, and I miss his brother.

I don't know if I am thinking clearly at this time as it's the holidays and I miss my old lovely home and I am currently feeling stuck and let down. Does anyone else feel shuffled around, and do you spend it with your birth family even if you are dating, or do you spend the time with friends? Other single people who are women usually spend it with their families-

men seem to go with friends or their girlfriends.
I was thinking maybe a platonic friend, and his family, or travelling with someone new and his child. However I do not want the relationship to be romantic and the only people willing to make room seem to be men. I can't help feeling there is something romantic behind it, and I should think about spending the holidays with my ex's father instead in Florida. For one thing, it's more restful, it's warm, and he hasn't seen me in forever.

This will pretty much cement the idea that my ex and I are back together possibly romantically in his head, even though we have talked about it, we are a long way from living together again.

I keep feeling this lack of holiday spirit is affecting me emotionally and pushing me around. How do other cope with the holdiays alone especially if they used to be the party giver, and have others at their home?

Thanks, Nat

I am going to spend Thanksgiving alone with my boy I guess. It does seem sad. My husband and I usually did things with his family. I have a 1-1/2 year old boy, he's going to be deprived of spending time with his family. There was some violence in my marriage and my husband is drinking a lot, I wouldn't dare let him take my boy without me. My boy and I will spend two weeks at Christmas with my family, we are renting a condo in Palm Springs where it should be warm. I have that to look forward to to keep from getting depressed. My immediat4 family isn't close, three brothers are half rude to me during holidays. My dad passed away this summer, but I have my mom adn we are great friends. I can't stand the Holidays even married. I'd always get depressed this time of year. This year might get worse so I plan on doing lots of exerise, riding my horse, working, things to keep me from the "poor me" mode that I don't like to be in and have at ties lately. I have to file for a divorce as my husband left the state after our 11 month separation. An attorney said to hurry so he doesn't establish residency there and file there. Our house is for sale, I won't get anything if I don't do this and freeze the house until we settle. So I have to file a divorce during the Holiday season on top of it all. Guess I might I have just put it off had he not moved. So this is not a great Holiday Season. Wish I'd made more friends, gotten more support outside of the marriage, but when you are with a control freak for some reason they isolate you and you isolate yourself too. My boy and I are going to church more, even that support seems to help - an extended family, although I don't know how open some churches are to this - and I feel wierd even going at this point in my life. I do my own Bible studies and reading, it seems to help me with peace, and believig there will be a future for us, a plan, although this has been the worst year of my life. I made some bad decisions, number one married a man I shouldn't have and I'm paying a price - a lot of pain. It wsn't the life I expected, to be alone and single at my age, 37 for the Holidays. But I think it's a good time of year to set goals and figure out how to move on and do things differently in the future. I hope I don't sit around depressed and practice what I preach...

I was just asking the same question, what to do during the holidays. It's a sad time for sure. I just don't know. I could either be alone (and sad) or with others (and be the third wheel) or......it's the last option that I'm trying to figure out.

Too bad all of us can't find eachother and hang out!

Especially women I find are no where to be found, but I don't mind men or women to talk to. If I am spending the holidays wiht ex's family, I will be down a bit with my thoughts.

horsey2, at least you have your boy! that's something great.

Nat

God is amazing. My wife moved out two weeks ago and I also was very worried about how to spend Thanksgiving and I received an answered prayer. Someone who is headed to New Orleans for that weekend e-mailed me out of the blue and let me know she was heading down to New Orleans with supplies, funds, and food to help others who are having difficulty. The answer to my prayer of "What, God, will you do with me now?" was right in my inbox. I cannot second guess where I have been led and I guess now I'm heading to New Orleans on a road trip. In the midst of my own personal struggle, I can help others. Amen to that. I hope you all navigate your way through the holidays and find happiness even during the difficult times.