This is so PERFECT! The OW will be sooo jealous that you are with him and she will lovebust him. She can't go home with him, but you can. By all means, go with him and do the BEST Plan A you can muster. Give him a nice, tasteful gift and a romantic card expressing your love for him. Use this as an opportunity to leave a GREAT taste in his mouth before you go into Plan B.

Then just after you get back from Thanksgiving, send him the letter via overnight mail.

Meena, has this affair been exposed to his parents?

Please tell me it has been!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> meena

OH BABY! That is awesome! thanks neeksis! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I guess they most definitely DO KNOW! lol

You're welcome! Doesn't her MIL rock? I laughed so hard.

Almost OT: One of my few regrets, is with hindsight I realize I should have turned my MIL loose on the OW. MIL is a huge, bearlike woman who does not hesitate to speak her mind, liberally sprinkling conversation with expletives. Had I not begged her to say nothing (this was pre-MB) I would have some cherished memories of my own, lol.

gosh,

you all are doing such a good job of helping meena out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well meena,

If you are going to do plan B after Thanksgiving all I can say is Plan A until then. Just let him see how much he will be missing until that moment of Plan B. Please write a letter and let everyone give you their comments and be in a perfect plan A until after Thanksgiving.

In the meantime, make him laugh and make him smile , and try to fulfull his emotional needs big time, and I think you know what they are, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> until you go plan B. Let him see and be with family on this Thanksgiving holiday. No relationship talk. Just be nice and all the things that WS says that he loves about you.

NO relationship talk. NO talk about ow. Just be your most wonderful, beautiful, and by the way, most WORTHY self, and then let him know you cannot be part of the triangle.(ie: Plan B, but NOT during this Thanksgiving holdiay). Try to make this the most wonderful holiday. Everyone else can say whatever they want, but you, you will be wonderful . <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Be wise as a snake and as innocent as a dove. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Glad your MIL is on your side.

Prayers for you,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hi everyone. Thanksgiving was a really wonderful. I did the the best plan A I could, ..although I did mess up once and LB. But, overall it was nice. He bought me a really nice present for my birthday and anniversary (same weekend), and I actually thought we were going to be okay. But, now WH is back to his usual wayward self....back to threatening the big D. I , told him "fine do it." Didnt meant it all though, but said it in anger. This rollercoaster ride is getting old.

I am actually watching him fall apart, and it is sad. But, he just doesnt see it that way. He is so angry all of the time, and takes it out on the wrong people (like me and his family). He is only 31 and this stress is taking a toll on his body. Now he is taking blood pressure medicine, cholestrol medicine, and loosing weight. And he is binge drinking. And somehow he thinks this is happiness. I havent finished my plan b letter, but have started writing it.

This is not looking good.

meena, concentrate on avoiding all lovebusters before you go into Plan B. Do not fight with him and be as attractive and respectful as you can. You want to leave a GREAT TASTE in his mouth before you go into Plan B.

What do you mean binge drinking? He is not an alcoholic, is he?

No...he isn't an alcoholic yet. His new habit (since the A started) is to drink to get drunk on the weekends with his loser friends and OW. I think he does it to escape (IMHO).

Anyway, I will try not to LB. But, sometimes I get so frustrated when I see all the phone calls/text mesages he makes to her. Maybe I shouldnt be snooping since I already know the A is still going, and then I wont LB.

I havent heard from him in 2 days, as he usually calls. I called him once, left a pleasant message, but call not returned. The last we talked, he said he was filing. I told his family what was happening, and they are very upset with him. MIL sent him an email (since he wont return calls) explaining how disappointed she is in him.

What do I now? I cant go into plan B like this. And I am not ready to call it quits either.

Okay, I couldnt set up an appointment with Steve Harley but was able to get one with Jennifer. But it is not until next week.

In the mean time, should I even bother inititating anymore contact with him, or just wait to plan A again until he calls me again??? He was very angry at me the last time we spoke. When I asked him why he was angry he said it was because I didnt give up on the M, and he didnt like me "pretending everything was okay." He said he was in love with the OW, and that she was "the one." It really hurts to hear all that, especially since I didnt ask to hear it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

WH called last night, and we talked for a few minutes. He said he feels horrible and guilty for everything, and said he is consumed by guilt "every single minute of the day". (I can tell he is stressed out as mentioned in my previous post) I changed the subject to something more pleasant. But we said our good-byes rather quickly as he had to go.

Is it a positive sign that he feels guilty, or am i getting my hopes up to soon?

Thanks for all the help.

Don't get your hopes up until he DOES something. Talk is cheap. Since you are talking to Jennifer next week, just hang in there with no LB's and stay in Plan A.

WH has actually started calling again. We actually talked for a whole whopping 7 minutes today. Can you believe it? (being sarcastic).

We haven't had anymore relationship or D talks as I am still plan A'ing him. I stopped calling him (only TM at most), and wait for him to call me.

However, the last time he called I was out with friends having happy hour and when I answered, I couldnt hear anything b/c of the noise. He told me to call him back later. I didnt...so he called me back a few hours later. I was already back home when he called. He questioned me who I was with, and I was real vague....said I was with "friends," but didnt mention any names. He asked if it was just the girls or if any guys were there. I again answered vaguely, and said there were a few guys there. I could tell he was frustrated.

Here is the question: Is it okay to let him wonder and be jealous? I was really only with my girl friends, but when I could tell he was bothered by it, I sort of just added to it.

Orchid: Yes, IMHO it is ok.

I have read on several occasions on this forum that if a WH loved you before they can love you again. I struggle with this concept. It would seem that if and when a WH was ready to reconcile, falling in love again would be hard and difficult to do; and would seem forced and would therefore deter any reconciliation. Am I missing something here? Or does the love just back when the fog disappears?

U can't put logic into this sitch. Please read His Needs/Her Needs. The experience of the A and it's after affects is not the same for all. There are just too many variables.

What is constant is the general direction that a BS can control.

Will a WS get back the love after the A, the guilt and the recovery? Yes, but it is dependent on the WS, BS and each person's attitudes.

How long does it take? No telling. Most take at least 2 - 3 times as long as the A itself. Maybe longer. Regaining the trust is an important factor.

This is why we encourage the reading of Dr Harley and other writers books. In their writings you may find a way to understand this sordid mess.

Recovery comes in 2 stages: Personal and Marital. Personal recovery is within the reach of each person. Marital recovery requires the combined efforts of both the H & W.

JMHO,
L.