I don't know you or your story but I have something I want to say to you.

It seems to me that you are a bitter person just by seeing your posts on my thread and other peoples threads.

I am sorry that your marriage didn't work out but for you to come to a pro-marriage site and tell other BS'S that they should move on and basiclly get over it wrong.

How dare you say to me that my H does not want me and I why would I want him back.

Well let me tell you something, you don't live my life I do. It is my choice to try and save my marriage no one elses. Maybe it won't survive and I can accept that. But all of us here BS's and FWS'S come here for support to help us wade through this awful thing called Adultry.

Your posts to people saying They aren't wanted by their spouses is uncalled for and hurtful.

If you can't be more respectful and supportive of people who are hurting and asking for help in saving a marriage that was created by God, then i would appreciate you don't post on my thread anymore.

I have enough fear and pain in my own mind and heart that I don't need it from others.

The only thing you have said that is true is We can only control ourselves not anyone else. I don't see myself or any of the other BS'S trying to control anyone but themselves and trying to heal their own souls and hopefully their marriage.

This is tragic enough wihtout your negativity to bring people down... Some of us already have enough self-esteem issues because of what has happened. I (we) don't need you to tell us we are unwanted to bring us down further, we already hear that enough from our WS's.

As far as telling someone else they need counseling I believe maybe you should check into that yourself to figure out why you feel the need to be so bitter and unfeeling to others who are in pain.

Maybe you are happy in life and I hope you are but your posts seem to come from a very unhappy person.

Please do not post on my thread again. I don't need or want your advice.


Hurting

"What actions have you shown me that you are truly sorry for what has happen? Nothing, you still continue to do what you want with no regards to anyone's feelings but your own."

This is a direct quote from one of your posts. I was mostly responding to this statement. I am very sorry that you took my post so hard. That is the problem with typing words, you can't know the body language behind the typed stuff. I am not a bitter person, perhaps just more realistic than some. I have been single for a long time and I've seen a lot in 11 years when it comes to relationships. It just seems to me that you are trying so hard to make it work with him and despite what you think, I hate to see you hurt any further. You can't row your marriage boat alone. You have to have help from him.

You have no idea how feeling I am so don't presume anything about that, just the way you don't wish for me to presume anything about you. You have many posts on here, I only have a few so I think I can glean a lot more from yours than you can from mine.

I truly hope that you find a way out of the pain that you are in and find some peace in your life from all of this trauma. I suspect that it will come from a source that you least expect. I am truly sorry for what you have been through thus far.

You don't know my story because I'm new on this board and haven't shared it yet.

This is a discussion forum and SUPPORT site for those attempting to rebuild their marriages using Dr Harley's very successful concepts and principles.

As the introduction to the forums suggest --

"We recommend that all participants of the discussion forum be familiar with Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts."

Actually you can do it alone. That is what Plan A is all about. If the WS wanted to work on the M, then you would not be in Plan A, you would be in recovery. It might help for you to read the concepts of this site.

Kloe72,

Well said ty.....

I have read his basic concepts. I read his book several years ago and I understand and agree with his concepts. I wish I would have read his book when I was married back in 1979. Maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be divorced right now. Who knows?

However, I also believe that for them to work, both parties have to WANT the same thing: to save their marriage, to make it better for both spouses, and to STAY married.

My Dad was unfaithful to my Mother back when I was a kid. I remember meeting his OW when I was about 7 years old. My parents are still married now and have been for over 50 years. So I am a firm believer in couples being able to save their marriage after infidelity because I have witnessed it firsthand. Saving their marriage was something they BOTH wanted.

You might find some of these interesting. The following is what Oprah has to say about men:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.


These are just a few but I think they make sense.

These are for informational purposes only. I don't mean them specific to you.

I hope you are doing well today.

Texas,

I understand what you are saying.

I know I can't make him do anything, I am not trying to.

I read the story of yur parents as you put it on someone elses thread yesterday.

Thats what I hope the ultimate outcome will be for myself. I have distanced myself from him in the hope he will see what he is missing and realize what he truly wants.

If it turns out that its not me, then so be it. I will survive this I have no doubt.

Deep down insdie myself though I don't believe its over for us, even if we do divorce. It may take a few years who knows. But if and when the time comes it will be my decsison if I want him back, not his.

In the meantime I am doing what I have to for myself to become a better person. I have my bad days like today, I am questioning everything in my life. But it gets easier with everyday that passes.

I admire Oprah for a lot of reasons ... but I would never ask her for marriage recovery advice after an affair ... I'd follow the Harley's plans and concepts.

Pep,


I agree with you 100 percent.....

Thats why I am still here on this forum....

This seems to be to be the best way to save a marriage and or your own self.
I have read many things and been to many sites and by far these principals make the most sense to me... And seem to have good recovery stats for the individual and the marriage....

I don't think Oprah would be my go-to gal for marital advice. She speaketh in vacuous bumper stickers. I think I will stick with the pro, Dr. Harley.

I didn't post those for marital advice, just for general informational purposes. There's lots of relationship advice out there, believe me I've read my share. I do agree that Dr. Harley has it going on when it comes to infidelity in marriage. His suggestions just make sense.

Hurting, I'm glad you got something out of my story about my Mom and Dad. They are 80 and 83 now and are so loving towards each other, it is really sweet to see. That 2 year separation, I believe, did wonders for their marriage. My Mom had every right to divorce my Dad but she didn't, she just left him for a while.

You could very well be right, the time may come for you and your husband to re-unite, you may just both need to go through some things first in order for your marriage to work the next time. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we need to experience something different to appreciate what we already have. Perhaps your husband will only appreciate what he had when it's gone.

I was reading another post and they suggested taking anti-depressants while going through this. I think that is an excellent idea. I took them for about 8 months when I was going through some difficult times and they helped tremendously. I tried Paxil first and ended up with Effexor. I highly recommend anti-depressants.

Take care and peace to you.