Yep may my worst enemy never go thru what I am going thru! One always wander how could there have been a Hitler, but look at your wife having an A.
I told WW mother and sister about the A with a OM as old as her father yester day, we are 34. She did take it calmer than I thought I was waiting for a big explosion but only small ugly ones came. This is what happened:
She came home from a trip with boyfriend. She thought I would have moved out as we said I would do on Friday. MB told me I should stay. She said she will look for a place tomorrow on her own. She needs piece and quietness and she can’t get it in her own home. She knows that I am reading stuff on the internet and is suspicious. This is what came my way:

She also signed the divorce paper and mailed it tonight. There is no way of talking sense to her.
1) WW don’t feel any quilt, glad it happened so that I can grow up and take it to my next relationship.
(Thinking that I wanted to kill myself last week, I was standing on the rail way track, Yes I found out last week about the A and that she will not come back to me she would rather die alone). August we were still planning a family. She had to work in a different town and I did leave her to stress about everything so I did create the opportunity.

2) I have to sleep on sofa, but still in same house but I think she will move out tomorrow or soon.
3) I wander if this is worth it, I’m 32 and studying to became an engineer, 2nd career and we don’t have children. So why do I want to put myself thru This, If we sell our place and I move into student flat then life would be easy. Now I feel like I want to be dead and I have not been to class for 2 weeks, lost a lot of weight. No sleep????? But I can not see myself with anybody ells, we have been pretty good together, a lot in common.
4) Maybe one day IF I found the love that WW has found I will know what real love is and I will understand why WW is doing this.
5) Did us, her family have a little meeting to talk about how bad WW is. Does they think WW will ever come back to me.
6) O yes and the OM is not the age of her father, he is not the pervert that took advantage of WW as we think. I did not tell WW that I told WW mother that OM is old as her father. Well it is the only thing she has been telling me from the beginning about OM is that OM is as old. But there has been so many lies!!!
7) She love OM she wants to be with OM. She can’t wait to be with OM She is not married to me anymore, does not feel married or has not felt married for a long time. It will take now 3 days to start the separation even if I didn’t sign the divorce papers.
8) WW thinks it is sick to live with we. WW will move out, what then? If we could not find love in our marriage before why now. Why do I want to be close to WW. If WW was me WW would have left long time ago, that is What WW said! She is just so cold. I said that if we stay together I will loose my love for her and that is what WW wants but WW said she does not care!!

So what do I do now??? Help!!!

Van,

Stay in your house.

Do you want her back?? If so read up on plan A. Is the OM married? Have you exposed to all you can?? If you want her back, you must break up the A.

Right now she is soooo adicted to the A and the OM. The endorphins and pheremones are saturating her brain just like crack does to a crack head.

She is an alien being, living in your W's body. She will do anything she can to keep getting her fix. Spouses have abandoned their kids and their entire families to get this fix.

YOU must take care of yourself, exercise, get enough sleep, see your doctor to get some anti-deprssnts. They will work wonders for you in this state you are in. Your emotions are going crazy, you are on our rollercoaster.

You must be the calm, logical one in the family right now. Plan A is about no LBing and being the best guy you can to show her, you are better than the OM. No crying, blubbering or breaking down in front of her.

First priority is to break up the A. Either by exposure or maybe intimidation. Some will say no intimidation but sometimes a W likes to see spouse fight for her. Depends on how old the scumbag is, how big, etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Stay strong and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

k

I suggest you get to a doctor quickly for some anti-depressants. They really help. You need to continue your studies for sure. Please take care of yourself first.

Let her move out. Sometimes that ends the affair, when you really just open the door and give the WS their freedom.

You have no children, and no one would fault you for ending the marriage now. But here we usually suggest that you take time to work through things, so you don't make any mistakes in the heat of the moment.

Well, on the bright side, you are in the position to make choices solely on what is best for you and not other people (i.e children). I would at least see the bright side of that.

Imagine the feeling that one has when they want to walk away from the marriage with a despicable morally repugnant cheating spouse, when you have little children who do best when they are brought up in a 2 parent household.

DO what you need to do, but there is certiainly something to be said for being young, without children and having the autonomy to do what is best for YOU. Despite what you think now, there will ALWAYS be someone else for you to find love. The authors of this site talk about love beinh a choice and that you have to "work at it".

I was in your position once and am the happiest I have ever been. That is just me though, so weigh all of your options equally.

Goodluck

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />