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Joined: Dec 2001
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My wife and I have separated and she is planning to file for divorce.
I had an affair almost five years ago. We have been trying to recover. I had a short conversation with OW in a public place recently...this prompted my wife to separate and file.
My question is if she can still file using adultery as grounds even five years later?
I have an appointment with Attorney late in the week, but I curious what everyone here thinks.
Low
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Joined: Jul 2002
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I'm not sure about the specific "yes" or "no" answer to your question...but it does open up the possibility of "pain and suffering due to continued contact". And also puts your word against hers that there was no contact during the five years from date of affair and today.
How did your wife find out you spoke with OW? Did you tell her? Did someone see you together and tell her?
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 217
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I divorced my H on grounds for adultery and emotional abuse (NY). Even though I had enough evidence for his 2nd A, my lawyer also used the evidence from his first A because it was lees that 5 years ago.
me-34
xH-38
DD 10/03
D-day 11/03 (cellphone)
Talked-Day 01/04
H left-02/04
Divorce-05/04
xH left -false recovery 1 week- 08/04 -told about OC
OC-07/04
xH left -false recovery 6 weeks- 12/01/04
12/02/04 DESTRUCTION OF MILY MUST END
1/17/05 - Started dating
11/05 - CS and visitation established at Court
02/28/06 - xH moves back after 2 yrs!
10/16/07 - asked xH to leave - he's still in a relationship with OW
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Joined: Dec 2001
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How did your wife find out you spoke with OW? The ex-OW ambushed me in the mall. I should've walked off, but didn't. I told my wife about it. There has been no other contact in five years. I suspect that my wife may have had an affair almost twenty years ago. I was not going to pursue digging that information up unless she wanted to use mine against me.
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Joined: Apr 2005
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Be prepared...I would start looking for that information now. It's better to have it and not need it, rather than need it and not have it.
Should she bring up your FWH history, you will already be ahead of the game instead of having to start looking for info when you could have it already.
43yr old FWH who has rediscovered morality
Divorced: 03 February 2006
XW: My threads say it all
"Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life..."
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In my state, if you have relations with the wife or husband after the adultery, it wipes clean the slate. You are considered reconciled.
V.
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if you have relations with the wife or husband after the adultery it wipes clean the slate Looks like it may be the same here. I really don't want this to go ugly, but I have a suspicion that she's going to take it there to maximize spousal support since there are no longer any child support issues. I want things to work out fairly. I don't want to see her hurt.
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Low Orbit,
You say in your tag that the marriage is ending and it's your fault. How?
A short public conversation that you told your wife about seems innocent enough to me. Unless you told XOW how miserable you were with your wife and how you missed OW and the fun you had together. I doubt you did that.
I'm not around much any more and haven't followed recent events.
Regardless, I'm sorry to hear about your separation and impending divorce.
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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G.G.
My story is played out over in the infidelity boards...
Wife and I had agreed to no contact. I engaged in contact I shouldn't have...it's that simple. While running into the OW at the mall may have been unavoidable, having a cup of coffee with her was. I own this error.
W isn't interested in trying to recover it. We've been struggling for a long time.
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I know you've been struggling for a while. I sotr of wonder why you had coffee with her, which is different from a standing up "Hi, How are You? Bye" conversation. Could you have been subconsciously trying to end your marraige? (This is question you obviously don't have to answer. Rather personal.)
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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Legally, no, as long you have consummated the marriage since. . .
morally, yes. .
any reason to do it, its as good as irreconciliable differnces if a person hasn't recovered from the first betrayal. . . . .
Low, I have read alot of your posts, you type articulately, and are fairly perceptive. . . I think you need to examine the concept of self sabotage. . . as i think greengables has an excelent point.
wiftty
Learning from your own mistakes creates experience, learning from books creates knowledge, combining the two together creates wisdom => You start with a full bag of luck, and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
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My state's Legislature just this year abolished the defense of "condonation" (that's the legal term for when one spouse acts badly but the other spouse goes back, going back condones the behaviour).
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