Need everyone's help and advise. I've been reading other topics and responces and I think you can help me. <P>It so happen that I am with a person who is been ufaithful to in the past. No! we are not married but is like we are. We've been leaving together for over three years. I could say that the first two years of this relatioship was full of up's and down's. A number of times that I thought he was going out with someone else he asured me that he was not and sure enough I cought him time after time and every time I kick him out of the house and after a few days he would come back, give me some story and I would give in. Well a lot as change since those days. The last time that he came back he made a promise not to lye anymore and to be with just me. This promise and confesion took from 6:00 one afternoon to 7:00 of the following morning. We held each other and start it all over againg. Well he finally moved in and soon after that I got pregnant and had a baby boy. Everything has gone very well with the eception that lately he's been getting beeps... with codes that mean I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU, KISSES... ect... Well all of this has stired up a lot of old hurt feelings and imotions, to the point that I do not trust him. He has asured me that he does not know who is beeping him. But then some times I call beep him and he does not call me right back, most of the time it takes him about 45 minutes to call me. This is happened at lunch time for the most part. Also, I've drove by his work and I do not see his car. Then, when I ask him where he was he tells me that he was at work... To call his boss if I want to. <P>I don't know what to believe... I have so many doughts... Keep in mind this is a person who is extremately SLICK!!<P>What do you think I could do? I don't want to continue to be miserable thinking where is he at, what is he doing, going by his work doughting every step he takes. But also know that I am totally in love with him. I have never felt this strong for anyone else. We think a like, we have fun together. Is as if we have a special connection. It will be hard for me to give that up.<P>Before you give your answers please understand that I feel very up-set about this whole thing to the point of feeling sick. <P>I wait to hear from all of you...

I am sorry I didn't see this post earlier.<P>I think if I were you, I'd trust your instincts. This relationship can be saved, you can work past infidelity. There are tons of us here doing just that.<P>Can you go back and read the Basic Concepts?<P>And read about lovebusters. You don't want to be doing that right now, okay?<BR>

Hi Lin -<P>I agree with TNT....trust your instincts!!<P>When you love someone, you sometimes don't want to face the difficult things that go on. But if you don't, then the lies and anguish of it all turn each person into a mere reflection of who they used to be.<P>For the sake of all involved the truth must come out and honesty must be in the forefront of any relationship!! <P>It is the only thing that works!!<P>I know that the thought of going through the pain again is something that you dread, but living a lie and having your son grow and see that kind of example should be something that you dread even more.<P>You must bring about the truth and insist on honesty - both within and with - for yourself and for H.<P>Hope this has helped you some.<P>HUGS and Strength to you,<P>Sheba

ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!<P>Try to talk to him without love busting (sometimes it is SOOOO HARD ) and see if you can find out the truth. Getting it out into the open is the only way!!<P>Best wishes as you work on your relationship, and welcome to our merry band of posters! <P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Hello,<BR>I am sorry to be so blunt but I have been there and done that for four years now, and it has been my experience that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck and confrontation will do no good, as he will lie in great detail to cover up what he is doing. There is just no other logical way to explain the things you are reporting. I tried to talk myself into believing that the receipt I found on Valentines Day showing that my husband bought something from the floral dept. at the local grocery store and used his debit card was a mistake. Please note that I did not receive anything from him on V day. His name was on the receipt. However, he swore it was a mistake and he DID NOT do this. There is no limit to the extent of lying when someone is being unfaithful. If he is cheating, you are in a very difficult phase and because you love him so much, you will probably have to keep checking until you find something concrete or actually catch him. Just be thinking about what you will do when that happens, but I would trust my instincts if I were you. Sorry to be bleak and I truly understand the pain you are going through. Take care.

I just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to respond to my note and to let everyone know that things are doing much better. The beeps have stoped and nothing else has happend that would give me the idea that there is someone else. Some times I truly think that is my mind playing tricks on me. I love him and my baby so very much that I pray to god nothing comes in between us and distroy what is taken me so long to built. <P>I truly hate these ups and downs and I wish I cold know for sure. If anyone has any other words of advice please take 5 seconds and respond to this note.

Lin,<BR>My feeling about living together won't be to your likeing, and I'm sure you have heard this before. BUT,,,,,,,, All relationships take ALOT of work. BUT,,,,, when you are married, there is more of a commitment!!!! An umbrella that says alot! An underlinning facter of giving your all, of being one. Yes, our Hs have had a Bad Brain Period too, BUT,,,,, we have a Marriage to save, a commitment to honor, this is very deep. I know you are saying what you have is deep, but they are feelings, not a commitment. (or he wouldn't keep testing the water) <BR>Part of the HIGH of an affair is "the getting away with it, he is taking advantage of you and your situation. You are letting him. <BR>You can't handle this on your own, you have no paper that says, "listen buddy, we are married and if you want it to continue this way, We go to counselling, we change our ways and we work on this." You are both hoping that this will just get better so you can go on with your (sorry) fantasy of being married. I don't like how that sounded, but I think it is true.<BR>You Love him, so show your Love, tell him to go to counselling to get your life back together, to keep you, to keep your child. And,,,,, It is time to show his love, his commitment, his loyalty by getting married. I wouldn't settle for less. Sorry, if I have stepped on your feet, I am married, it is a strong feeling, your situation would be scary and shaky to me. I don't know many people who have been together 30 years and not married. <P>------------<BR>TIME <BR>