It's been a few months since d-day. We are working towards rebuilding our marriage. My wife supposedly has told me everything that has happened. Most of it adds up but there is one thing that keeps nagging me. For the entire duration of her affairs (3 affairs in about 3-4 months) she consistantly withdrew $200 once a week from the ATM. It was like clockwork, Mondays at noon. We are both credit card people and hardly ever carry much cash. I asked her if she was paying for hotel rooms. She denied it. I asked her to think very hard about where she could've spent the money. She swears she can't remember. I can understand if the withdrawls were inconsistent and sporatic, but exactly $200/week tells me there was some sort of routine that she couldn't possibly forget.
I really want to move forward with complete honesty. She refuses to admit anything about the money because she says there is nothing to admit. Do I just look the other way on this matter or should I press harder?

nickatnite,

There are two things(among others) that make "We are working towards rebuilding our marriage" impossible.

One is contact with the OP.

Two is dishonesty.

Has she done either? Or both?

press harder.

If you do not pursue the truth, you are not pursuing your marriage and you are likely to have the exact same problems in the future.

The truth is painful sometimes, but the only way to break down the walls between spouses.

You have to be willing to accept the truth and deal with it.

If I was taking out $200 a week from an ATM I think I would remember what I was doing with the money. I think she owes you an explanation.

She is not being honest at all. Don't know about your financial situation but $200.00 per week ($800 a month) would be a HUGE financial problem in itself. If I were in your shoes I'd want to know too. W needs to spill the beans!

Tell her that since she won't be honest, you have no choice but to assume the worst...that she was spending the cash on infidelity.

If it was going somewhere else, you'd be happy to hear about it.

Try to assure her that it's not the cash that bothers you, but the fact that she is still not being up front with you.

Nick,

$200 a week would buy a goodly amount of drugs (meth) to take with the OMs. Or other kind of party drugs. Plus one must pay cash for those.

She doesn't want to tell, because of the shame of it all. Plus why is SHE buying? Low rent OMs??

IMHO

k