Hey guys,
OK I need your help! Desperately! I have been suspecting my partner of cheating for some time. He is the quiet type and won’t admit to it. A main setback is that he knows I am pretty cluey so he has been very careful and possibly covering his tracks well.
I have done a lot of internet research and read much info. I understand that if I am asking myself the cheating question in the first place, there must be an obvious problem. But I don't want to jump to conclusions either or be paranoid.
The partner has always insisted it is against his morals to cheat.
He works in a job that requires lots of phone calls. So checking bills is a bit of a maze. He also has his own mobile, one for work and for work after hours. The work phone bills don’t come at our postal address but at his place of work.
This morning I found an SMS in his ‘sent items’ (personal mobile) that read: "Hey baby. Call you when I get home. X". I tired dialing the number a few times but a message comes up that the person is unavailable. Maybe she is at work. I will try again after business hours.
Meanwhile I am shaking from upset. Guys, I need your expert advice on how to further investigate so that I may have concrete evidence when I confront him. I don't want him to get cautious to the extent that I will never find proof for myself. I need evidence to boot him out.
If he is cheating I will end boot him out because of the way he has been lying. I told him many times the truth would never offend me no matter how bad it is. I was willing to work through issues. But the strong protest against possibilities of cheating is what makes me angry.
Please let me know if you have any ideas on how to confirm if there is really cheating going on.
Last year I helped a friend catch his cheating wife. I felt I owed it to him. But that was an easy catch because I was able to locate copies of the emails the wife was sending to her lover on the pc hard drive. In my case the partner knows I am computer savvy so he is careful and he also knows I catch on fast. The emailing system he uses at work I have no access to ... I only know his email address at work.
Two weeks ago I went into the car and did a search. Found nothing incriminating.
Please any ideas would be great right now as I can't even think straight. I have dedicated 8 and a half years of my life to this relationship, not to be done over in this way. I need to know for closure.
Around a week and a half ago the partner and I had an argument … we have been having problems for the last few years. We were ready to call the relationship off but we made up. In the heat of argument I told him if he has someone else or doesn't have feelings for me then the door is in close proximity. I told him I don't want him to be sticking around because it is the convenient thing to do nor because he hasn't the courage to walk. He still denied any affairs and we made up. Things seemed OK until yesterday when he got really moody. He has justified his quietness or moodiness in the past as a result of being tired from work.
A call came through on his after hours work phone late last night. You see he is into security and every now and then he gets calls that report a fault at odd hours. This brought about my suspicions and the search of his personal phone this morning.
He had recently bought a phone which is extremely difficult to navigate. Maybe he thought I can't access stuff on it and so did not delete that SMS that signaled the red flag for me. My mate who caught his wife cheating told me to keep an eye out and eventually the partner would slip up. How do I know if that SMS is his slip up? I can't use that message as evidence, I need something stronger. I know him well and if I brought it up now he would 1) get angry I checked his phone 2) would turn it around and justify the SMS as one of the playful messages he sends to friends. He jokes with mates with stupid messages sometimes. I still think there is more to it. The phone number the SMS was sent to doesn’t match any of his friends’. Please help. I need to confirm things. Any suggestions?
Thanks.
By the way, reverse number look ups are an impossibility for me because I am outside the US.
goldcst@hotmail.com