OK, yesterday my wife saw her counselor... After the meeting she asked me for a separation. For the last week my wife has been depressed. She had a one on one meting with OM last Monday and as it happens, she has been obsessing about him ever since. She told her counselor this and the counselors advice was that she is looking to get that feeling back and that she is not getting it in the marriage, so she should leave the marriage.. Last night wife and I talked and she seemed put at ease, we made love and this morning she woke up in tears because she did not want to go to work. She feels completely overwhelmed there, and feels "stupid" because of OM rejection of her (ever since exposure he will not speak to her) I pointed out the fact that this all falls in line with what MB teaches, and this just illustrates the importance of NC. She seemed to agree. I asked her if she would be any less depressed if she left the marriage, and she said no. She brought up the effects of a separation on our son and her counselor said "what is worse, being separated, or having your son live in a house with two highly depressed parents?" This woman is supposed to be a marriage counselor!! Someone please give me some advice here!

Fire your marriage counselor! And make a complaint to her supervisor if she has one. You'd be much better off doing Harley's phone counseling.

Dobie

she is a marriage counselor, but my wife does IM with her. I have my own counselor who does not at all agree with what my wifes is telling her...

Invest in Surviving an Affair, and give it to the marriage counselor.

Also is there any way your wife could quit her job?

Get rid of that worthless MC and find one that is pro-marriage.

My wife could quit her job but she does not want to because she does not want to let the company down. She really is very dedicazted to her job and is probably the best employee I have ever seen. I would like her to quit but I do not want to pressure her to do so for fear that she will harbor resentment towards me. I also would like her to change counselors but again I do not want to pressure her. I am doing way way way better with angry outbursts and lovebusting, and last night she admitted that I have been wonderful.. I think that she is depressed and I am the person that she is seeing as the cause of it.. How can I turn that around?

Bump for any advice... Please help vets!

Get rid of MC...she is not a marriage counselor, she is a divorce counslor. she is ruining your wife.

In His arms.

You can ask her to see her doctor to check for depression. But you can't make her do anything.

she does have an appt with a psychiatrist next week. the smae on i went to for meds. I am hoping I can keep her in the home long enough for the meds to take effect.

Have you been avoiding angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments and sticking with Plan A?

yes, i have been doing much better in that regard. i have been helping around the house, cleaning, cooking dinner daily, doing laundry, etc.. my wife last night did say that i have been wonderful. but she also said that she does not love me... these obsessions just started since her one on one meeting with OM which was last monday. she says she was nto having them before then. is this withdraw starting all over again?

Sugar, w/d didn't end. She will be in withdrawl for awhile. That she met OM is an indication that she never finished w/d. Once she has no urge to see him ever again, then it's over.

But you are doing very well. Make sure you take care of YOU, too.

- Kimmy

I am having a hard time believing this.

I am wondering if you could ask the MC herself if she really did say that.

WS, have a sneaky way of manipulating things.

Perhaps could it be that the MC really said.... "she is looking to get that feeling back and she is not getting it in the marriage."

I don't know how long she has been seeing the MC...but any MC knows it takes time for those feeling to develop again.

Lady

that may be how it happened, all i know is everytime she meets with her she comes home hating me. she has been seeing her since june, i have never met her. the meeting with om was a legitimate work reason, and my wife even asked her boss to sit in but he could not. i don't think this was something she was happy about because she is worried of what people will think due to my exposure.

Is there a chance you and W could go to the next meeting with W MC. I think it would be a good idea for you to talk about those thing to the MC. I don't understand why you don't go together anyways...I thought MC is for the couple.
IC is for individual.

Things to talk about with MC....

1. Wife comes home angry at you after every session.

2. Wife is saying MC is telling her to leave the marriage.

3. Tell her you are trying to save you marriage.

And anything else you can think of....

Lady

that is something that i would be willing to do, and w has suggested it, but her meetings with c are on her lunch breaks and she works some 30 miles away from me. my counseling is done in the evenings after work, and w did come to one session and she seemed to like my counselor better. i wish i could get her to dump her counselor and come to mine with me. again though i do not want to pressure her. things are very touch and go right now.

Write a letter to her counselor and spell out everything and what you are trying to do. Her counselor needs to know the other side of the story.

In His arms.

Am I misunderstanding something here? Are the two of you in MC separately with separate counselors? Is that POSSIBLE or even more importantly BENEFICIAL for your relationship?

we are in ic with separate counselors both of whom just happen to also do marriage counseling.