Ok I'm new here and real freaked out right now excuse any type O's. Ok my husband is in the Marine Corps and went to Iraq for 3 months he was supposed to be there for 7 but I needed him with me while I had our baby so he went midtour. Well when he came back he was so upset about something that he wouldn't even look at me Well then the news broke he had an affair with a girl whom worked with him out there. He said that he loves her and she loves him and she is also married. So I did what any natural person would do I threw a fit screamed and left. Well he was so upset that I left he broke it off with her vowing to ignore her and to work on our marriage. Ok Oct 30th is when I found out and we have went through 2 sessions of marriage counseling with the Chaplin here on base. He is so upset about every thing that he did that he cries at night. I told him that I didn't want to freaken see him crying over this girl b/c not only was she sleeping with my husband she was sleeping with another married man too. Whom the wife doesn't know. I found out that news and wanted to shed some light on this home wreckers love for him and I told him his first reaction was believe want you want to believe and then it got to I don't care. Him being a Marine makes him with a natural wall built up around him. I love him so much. I tried to invite him back into our bed and he just says I can't right now. I have been reading about the with drawl period that he has to go though but what in the would am I supposed to do in the mean time while I feel as if I'm getting my heart ripped out again. The girl is on leave again but he still can make contact with her without me knowing by calling her from work or her calling him. She leaves for good I hope in Dec. or Jan. Please any advice I can get is so welcomed

Thank you

You will find good information here, there are a lot of folks much wiser then i at this.

I recently found out a month ago that my wife was having an affair with her boss at work.

I'm in the military too (Navy) so i can offer you some "military advice". The military is unlike the rest of the world when it comes to affairs.

Adultery/fratenization is cut and dry in the military. If found guilty your husband would be punished for it.

If the other woman works for him, or he works for her it's a cut and dry fratenization case.

The military has zero tolerence for it anymore...remember tail-hook???

I'm not saying this is your best course of action, but it is an option. If you decide to blow this thing open and get his command involved he will pay.

Take some deep breathes and gather yourself. Take care of you right now. You aren't thinking right and neither is your spouse. Heck i'm a month into my own problem and i'm still not right in the head. It takes time lots of time.

Listen to what he tells you, but believe nothing. At this point he isn't capable of telling you the truth and probably isn't capable of trying to explain any of the 100's of questions you probably have right now.

You won't have to wait long, someone here will offer you better advice then i can give you.

(((hugs))) like most here so sorry you had to find this place, but at the same time so glad you did. Help is on the way you are at the right place.

Thank you so much and yes he does know I can flush his whole miltary life down the drain. But I don't want to use that as a way to keep him.

Shorty,

Sorry to see you in this type of situation but you have found a great place to come to. I am also a military wife (army) i found out about my H's A i had no choice but to get the military involved. He didnt get into alot of trouble the big thing was his phone rights were stripped for a while. His chain of command gave him a second chance and so far we are good. Its only been 5 months but its a long bumpy road ahead of you. You've done good by getting into counseling has your H gone with you at all? My H and i havent started any yet, hes in Iraq coming home next month.
There are alot more wiser people on these boards then me and they will help you out with your situation. Can your H get the OW out of his unit or vise versa sometimes they can do that to help put a stop to it. I know of serveral people around our base that its happened to and their units switched the people. Maybe you can see about that. (thats only if you want to get them involved) if not maybe ask your H if he would do that for you. He needs to agree to NC before you two can get onto the road of recovery and a plan needs to be set into place too. Good luck and i hope the best for you and your H!

Shorty,
Hey sorry you are having to go threw this. I am a military wife as well. My H is Army he is on his way home from Iraq now after being gone 14 mos. He should be here tomorrow! I know this kind of stuff is really hard! It really takes a special person to be a military spouse. It really isn't any excuse for the way our H's act but, it really is a hard enviroment to be in. There are several steps that you can take right now, which one you choose is up to you. I to informed his command of what he had done. He really didn't get into to much trouble but, it did make them aware of what was going on. If nothing else it made me feel better that this far away from me there was someone to keep a eye on him. There are many vets here that will be of great help to you. You may even post over on the General questions II. That is where most of the Vets hang out. Keep your head high. We are all there for you!