What i mean by am i okay is i dont know if i am handeling my H's A the way it is supposed to be. When i first found about my H's ONS i cried was angry and very hurt. It bugged for about a month bc he hadnt try calling me only emailing me. Thats better then nothing. My H never denied his ONS and came clean the time i told him i knew. He felt horrible saying he let me down being a husband and let himself down at being a man. He feels very horrible about what he has done and im glad he does. The only thing is I have not cried or wondered about why this has happened for a while. I just go about my daily life taking care of our two children and dreaming and waiting for the day that he steps off that helicopter and i run and jump into his loving arms again.

I know people handle things differently. If i feel i am going to cry i just cry and let it out so its not bugging me and making me have a horrible day. I havent had a bad day in probably about 2 1/2 months. When i feel like im starting begin having a day like that my FWH usually ends up calling me and making my day alot better. Then all those feelings are gone and i feel the love that i have for my husband. I feel it all the time. Is this just my way of handleing things or am i doing this all wrong? I talk about my H's A to the ones who are supportive of me and my H which i have alot of people. My H hasnt talked or even tried to contact this girl in 5 months which is good. I dont think he will but i know that there is the possibly that he might do that but he can get into alot more trouble with his chain of command who have already given him a second chance. Hes written me tons of love letters which are great i love reading them sometimes i sit there and read them and i get a huge smile on my face and feel all good. Again, maybe this is just my way of handleing my H's A.

I think you should be happy that you apparently have good days. You may be a stronger person than most.

But strengthen yourself for the possibility that "the roof may fall down on you" later on.

Recovery is very often compared to a roller caster ride. There usually are some low valleys. But in a roller caster ride a low point is not the final outcome. It is the starting point for a climb to heights again.

Stay strong if you can!

"My H never denied his ONS and came clean the time i told him i knew. He felt horrible saying he let me down being a husband and let himself down at being a man."

I think this may be part of the reason. Your husband seems to "get it". The denial and lies about it is almost worse than the deed itself.

Looking at the age of your daughter who is 5 months old and then you said your husband hasn't contacted the OW in 5 months, I'm sitting here thinking wow, this was going on during your pregnancy. Then not only that you had to deal with the phycical changes along with the emotional issues. Then you had a new born to deal with that I am sure has kept you busy. Have you even had time to think? And I'm guessing your husband is in the service, which means you are doing this all alone. Is he away right now?

Askme,

Yes, I have sat down and thought about and absorbed and learned as much i possibly can in these past 5 months. I am doing everything that i possibly can to prepare myself for when he comes home next month. I cant wait to see him, it will be the first time I will see him since his ONS. He has been very open in telling me why he did what he did. He knows he made a mistake and very HUGE one. He has gotten himself into consueling. The guys he has told have called him stupid saying "your wife would do anything for you she didnt deserve that." Even his chain of command has told him that. Im not saying that we never fought we have and prolly still will thats being married. We have our fights like any normal married couple. I am preparing myself if something goes bad, I've already let him know he even THINKS about doing this again im packing my bags and Im out the door. The first time it isnt alright but Im willing to give him another chance and I have forgiven him. If i didnt I dont think i would be were i am right now. He has written me several love letters. He wrote my parents a letter saying "do you think she should stay with me? No i dont but i will do everything possible to make sure this doesnt happen again. Do i think i deserve your daughter? No, If the roles were reversed i dont think i would be so forgiving." "I will never find another woman that loves me as much as your daughter." Im sorry it took him this to realize what he had in front of him the whole time. Its very sad but Im glad he finally sees it. I still imagine myself spending the rest of my life with him. That may sound crazy i dont know but i really do. Growing old with him and spending the rest of our lives and rebuilding our M to where it was before this whole mess.
FWH is due home at the end of next month. I will be so happy and I am so anxious in him coming home. I dont know how i will react but I've been imaging hugging him and giving him a kiss. I know we will make it through this and we are both ready for what we have to do to make it. I just have a very optimistic outlook on this whole thing. He knows what he has to do, now just doing it I know he will do. I just cant wait until he is home! Thanks for all the other replies. Believer, I know thats why Im doing better not having many bad days cuz he never denied it.