Hmm...and then he calls me that night at 11 saying if he promises not to see her again, will I take him back. He moved out in August (My story is on another post if you want the details) and I never wanted him too. This is the first time he asked to come back, except once when he said he wanted a one week trial period to see if he still loved me and how it felt to be in the same house with me.
I told him it would take a lot for our marriage to work--like he couldn't have female friends. He started saying this wasn't fair. Starting again saying he had a right to leave me because I wasn't affectionate enough. (Did I mention he left when I was 17 weeks pregnant with baby boy #3--now I'm 30 weeks). He said he could never promise me he wouldn't leave again, since he wasn't sure if I would always make him happy.
I asked him if OW hadn't gone back to her H for a trial period the night before, would we even be having this conversation? He said he doesn't know. that he has strong feelings for her, but doesn't know if she would make him happy either.
Why do I all of a sudden feel like this is all on me again? I feel so overwhelmed. When he filed yesterday, I told myself I could do this. The Lord would heal me. And would still use me and still use him one day. Then he calls with this stuff--but it doesn't seem sincere. He doesn't seem willing to do anything. Said he couldn't handle coming come knowing i wouldn't trust him. Or that he couldn't keep certain friends (like a girl from HS that he had feelings for right before we married, that he got back into contact with 2 years ago--he said last night they had ben talking about the situation he's in, and she's been supportive. I said, she's not good for us. He said that it wasn't fair of me to dictate his friends). He won't even admit that he left because of her.
But all this conversation is coming AFTER he files. What on earth do I do now? What do I think now? Why do I feel SOOOOOO guilty for standing up for myself when I never have before? I don't even know what i am asking. I was afraid to post, because last time i did, I think I frustrated some with my confusion regarding the kissing issue. But I've kept active reading the posts here, and finally decided I'd reach out again for something. I am at a lost for what to do. When I pray, I feel no peace with either outcome. He seems confused too, for the first time, but then still not really willing to do anything or take any responsibility for anything. I have countlessly apologized for my part in creating an environment where his need for affection was not met.
Anything, please?
me-BW, 27
WH-26, OW 34 (and married)
married 6 years
2boys--4 & 2
boy#3 due January 06
