I am very confused, I am not sure how this site and everyone giving everyone else emotional support is any different from someone having an emotional "A" on line? Any woman giving my husband any kind of emotional support is considered an EA? Right? so how can this site be of any benefit for anyone. Not to mention the fact that everyone is different and healing periods differ from one person to the next. No one can honestly say it is going to take you 2 years to get over this because this is how long it took me, then that person has a crutch or a reason to wallow in whatever for two years and feel justified for doing it right? I am not sure how this site could possibly help. Please explain to me how not to feel so angry about my H spending every waking moment on his computer when he had an EA and how this is helping him.

A couple differences.

First of all, the support and communication is all very public and out in the open, there's no secrets here.

While it is true that healing varies from person to person, there also some general guidelines in which the majority of the cases fall.

This site is not meant to be a replacement for good therapy, it's just one other avenue of support.

If your H had his EA over the computer, I think you have every right to feel angry about the time he spends there rather than with you. But that's not a problem because of this site in and of itself.

And lastly, it's not the forums themselves that are the only reason this site exists. MB exists to promote the good Dr's approach to marriage, which is covered in the FAQ and othe rsections as well as his bookk. The forums serve to help people get in touch with others in how to apply those principles.

I needed an outlet of impartial people to try to cope with my wife's infidelity. I came to the MB sight to get information on how I could begin to forgive and try to get my marriage back on track. Although I am still not sure if I am going to be able to stay the course, at least getting feedback from those you have "been there" is very helpful.

Pleaseexplain,

Maybe your husband comes here to vent pent up anger. Maybe he comes here to glean any useful information from other couples situations that he thinks he could use constructively. Since he had an EA online I can understand your concern but everything on MB is recorded permanently for all to see.

There are a lot of things that are worse than coming to MB to try and help your M in recovery.

While navigating these pages try to keep in perspective that you take the information that helps YOU. What doesn’t seem to make sense or fit your life probably isn’t good for you. It has to feel right.

I would bet that your H has no intentions of wallowing in any of the negative emotions that he may have from an A. The mere fact that he’s here and not somewhere that could be of no use says he’s trying.

Could you try to find some positive in him coming here for help? Maybe he needs that. Are you doing everything you can to help him out in your situation?

I’m sure he would be really grateful for your love and support.

Ask him how he feels about this.

I’m sure he’d like to know your feelings too.

Have you tried to post your situation over on the “Recovery” BB? Maybe you could learn something you didn’t know about. What could it hurt to try?

I hope this helped some.

Going back under my rock now…

Plank.

I recently posted with a woman on this board about her struggle with her husband's viewing of porn. I had struggled with it and overcome it. I thought I had something to offer her in terms of the guy's mindset (so she didn't have to feel soo hurt) and encouragement for her to stick with her husband and be patient and understand that he will slip up.

The difference was that it was out in public, it wasn't a phone call or private chat, plus I made sure to talk to my wife to make sure it was alright that I communicated with this woman, I made no efforts to be indearing or friendly. I don't even know her name. So the barriers and distance was a pretty good guarantee that there would never be any kind of connection emotionally.