If you can't live without her, and your W knows this, then get used to riding this rollercoaster for the rest of your life, or until she tires of playing with you and finds somebody new to mess with.

What you have I strongly doubt is love, (although love is a component of it), but more like an obsession. And your W uses this against you, because I suspect she has intuited that you are incapable of standing on your own.

Does that mean that it's wrong to desire your W or want to be with them? Not at all. But I think in your case, you can probably just barely make out that line way back in the distance...

At the very least, I would hope you would want the obsession/love reciprocated, which it obviously isn't.

Sorry love hurts 2, that you are here.
Your wife won't respect you until you respect yourself.
Get tough. Not hateful, but strong.
Let her know she is free to move on should she choose to, but the door will be locked behind her.
The more you take, the more she will dish out to you if you don't put a stop to it now.

Well, I took a lot of your advice. Mostly at the point where it was time for me to look after myself and get tough. I told her I've had enough, I'm tired of being the one to blame, and it's time we make a decision. I told her I still love her to death, but I can't do this on my own, and if I will be doing it on my own, then I'm moving on. So I told her that I'm coming home, filing the proper paperwork, packing my stuff, and leaving. I told her NONE of this would have ever happened if she wouldn't have had the relationship with this guy. I wrote that to her last night and this morning I received an email that basically said, "Wow. You're right. I accept all responsibility of what's going on." She still wishes that I would've reacted differently, but she accepts all responsibility of what's going on.

So now I'm heading home, we're going to talk face to face and decide once and for all to see if our marriage can be saved. I'm sure it can be, but it's going to take a lot of changes on both of our parts if this marriage is expected to work out. Thank you all for your help. I will keep you updated. Keep praying for me. Thanks.

LH2,

It is absolutely your W's responsibility to convince you that the A, whether a PA or EA, is over. However, you should verify that what she is telling you is the truth. Since you travel frequently and can not keep an eye on her, maybe you should install a keylogger on your PC so that you can be sure you have all of her passwords so that you can read her emails. You should also check her outgoing calls on her cell phone and try to make her account for any lengthly calls she receives. Some folks here also swear by a digital voice activated recorder.

You, as I did, have the small advantage provided by the fact that OM lives far away so getting together takes some real planning and effort....i.e. difficult to hide for long.

IMHO, Given that you have been married only six months, if she won't do everything possible to save your marriage, you should probably save yourself years of pain and suffering and end the M.

Your W is not to be trusted. Actions, not words. She has to prove by her *actions* the affair is over.

Nothing wrong wtih talking about it, but talk is cheap, and that and 3.50 will get you a flavored coffee drink somewhere...

In any case, the two of you need to look at the affair material, and should consider MC of some sort.

Hello everybody. Just a small update. First off I want to thank everybody again for all their support. A lot has happened since my last post so I'll try to keep it short. For the most part our marriage has been on again, off again, on again, off again, etc. She made the first decision to call it quits, so I made decisions to to leave the house and to take care of myself. Well, 20 minutes before getting to the airport for me to leave, she said she wanted to try and work it out. I don't know if it scared her that I was leaving her forever or what. I obivously wanted to make it work, so I said whatever decisions I made for my future, I'd do whatever I could to make it work out for both of us.

It's been a long road since. I've called our marriage off a couple times because there are days that I can't seem to think straight. There are days I wonder why anybody I have dedicated so much love and time to, and somebody I sacraficed everything for could say they love me and still do this to me. I've told her all I've ever wanted from ANYBODY was to be loved and respected no matter how smart/dumb I am, how much money I make or what job I have. All I ever wanted was unconditional love. Nothing else.

Anyway, after a few too many breakdowns, I told her I was done. I needed to concentrate on me and my kids that I haven't seen in two months. I needed to do what I needed to do to make me happy. If she wants this marriage to work, she was going to have to put forth a lot more effort because I don't know what else to do to make it work. I've done everything in my power to try and make this marriage work just for it to blow up in my face.

So, she's been the one calling me and making sure things are ok, she's been the one to make plans for me to come home or to make plans for when we're together, etc.

Here's what I'm having a hard time with right now. I still have bad days. There are days (or parts of days) that I sit and wonder why she did do this. Why??????? Sometimes I'll sit up all night thinking, getting mad, sad, crying, etc just wondering why and what do I have to do to help. Those days are getting fewer and fewer, but from what I've read it's part of the healing process. Do I tell her about my bad days or do I just let the emotions run their course and just keep on going on with life? Do I say, "Listen, I have these bad days because...."

I told her I've forgiven her for what she's done (Luke 17:4), but I will never ever in a million years be able to forget what happened. THIS IS WHAT I NEED HELP WITH!! It's like a light switch. I'll be doing something and all of a sudden I'll be thinking about what happened. I hate it. Anyway, any help would be great. Thanks again for all your love and support.

My w and I have been trying to work it out and for the past few weeks things seem to have been really good. This morning I found out that one of the email addresses she said she merged with her new account wasn't showing up on the new account, so I assumed she was using it behind my back because she's told me numerous times that she merged the two accounts and she doesn't worry about it. I questioned her about it because that was the email account she was using to communicate with during the A. She got defensive and was upset that I questioned her about it. I wasn't rude about it, and I never raised my voice. I just voiced my concern and why I was concerned. Now, I've read "Surving and Affair" this weekend, and I'm wondering if I burned some love tokens out of my bank, and if so, was it justified? Thoughts please.

Maybe you did burn some “love tokens” BUT did she give an adequate answer? It’s not a one lane street. She has to take part too.