Hey Lost its time to check in!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
How are you??

2 1/2 years ago, I was snooping and found evidence of my husband visiting another woman late at night (taxi receipt). He denied it for a weekend, then painfully admitted it but said that he just needed to talk with someone understanding. We went to a marriage counselor who said that my husband was an alcoholic. He is now a member of AA but still does not admit that he was unfaithful and thinks that I should just get over it. Since that time sex is almost non-existent. He claims that he is just stressed with work, his adult children (who I do not have a realtionship with), etc. When we married he moved into my house with me and my children (who both attend university). Ownership of the home is still mine as I pay for all maintenance, taxes, etc. myself. Should I just forget that he was what I call unfaithful or does he need some help?

Beachb,

No, you shouldn't forget what he did or is doing. His reasons are not t/b trusted if he already broke that trust by having at the very least an EA.

U may want to start your own thread so others may respond directly to you.

L.

LITC,

Don't know if I can help, but just spent half an hour reading your thread, so I might as well say something.

You have been wondering about whether the chances of divorce / recovery are better or worse in which plan. I have read widely here, and believe that it depends on you, him and your relationship. I tend to group the affairs I read about by similarities, and then decide what will likely happen in my situation. I haven't read your earlier posts, but can see that your H is sitting on the fence. He is not likely to fall either way unless you shake the fence. It's obvious which way you want him to fall, but the question you need to ask yourself is: would I prefer to have him sitting up there, or to fall on the wrong side. That is how you decide if you want to go to plan B (just my opinion).

It is a very difficult question. I believe that if he was going to be shaken by plan A, he would have already got down off the fence. My suggestion: Make sure you have done all you can in plan A (make yourself a list). Let him see that you have a life that doesn't revolve around him. Let him see you happy (you know the details). But when your list is exhausted, think about the difficult question. Plan B may not be for you. Maybe you are happier where you are, but don't let fear be the reason you stay. It is a very scary step, and I was a dribbling mess the day I sent the letter to my H. I had a friend lined up to take the kids to school etc. I had the phone off the hook and the next day was a little brighter.

Also, what I came here to say in the first place, is look at other relationships on this site with similar WH's to your bloke. Look at how they reacted to certain things, and use these as a guide to your own relationship.

Hope things go the way you are hoping.

Thank you for asking about me on the other post Mimi. I did not want to thread jack so I found my post and decided to give a little update.

Really, nothing new!!! WH has shown signs that there is no OW and he has shown glimpses of H, but still the relationship is not there. He makes comments about "our" future and where "we" are going to live when he retires, but we still do not relationship talk at all.

My plan, if it really is one, is to get through Christmas for the kids sake, and then sit down and have a talk with him. If the fog is still so thick that I can't see H then I will go into Plan B and try to shake the fence.

WH was gone all last week so life at home was not stressful at all!!! Just me and my kids. I kept saying to myself...yes, I can live without WH if I have to. I don't want to, but I know I can!

I am a strong believer in saving my marriage and I am not ready to throw in the towel...not by a long shot. But after Christmas I really feel like it will be time to have a heart to heart and then take the situation into my own hands.

So not much of an update, but I do appreciate those that ask about me. My support group is none really except the people here so it is nice to talk to people!!

I love Christmas and will not let anything spoil it! My DS8 will only believe in Santa for so long...probably this will be his last year:( So everything will be special!!

When WH came home from his trip last night I had the house clean and all the Christmas lights on! It was cozy and Christmasy and I think he liked it!!

Lost,
I'm glad you checked in...I've been thinking about you.
My WH is away this week so it should be peaceful. I'll be shaking the fence soon I think I've reached the end of my tolerance. My love is fading and it saddens me.

Have you been preparing for plan B? Is he talking to you about anything? Like, how is day was...asking how yours was...I think its encouraging w/him talking about plans for future. Do you feel close to him? I feel WH is so distant from me. I can't reach him.