I had this in the General Questions section and am looking for more input.


Timetable:
found out about A> 10/21
WW out of home 10/21, 10/22, returned 10/23 am
WW ended A with OM (in person) 10/25

As for her continued contact with OM, it would have to be via email or phone from work. I have kept her very closely under wraps at home. She has said she took his email address out of her hotmail and also outlook at work, but I am sure she can remember it so that is irrelevant.

Do I need to repeatedly ask her if there has been contact or should I contact OM directly?
I only have a cell phone #, no address.

She and I are living together, sleeping together and have been intimate. I brought up joint counseling and she indicated her individual counselor offered to assist us jointly. However, he has been divorced and thus I feel is anti-marriage. She did indicate it was more her problem since she has done it multiple times and not to just me. We talked briefly about emotional needs. I believe I have failed her mainly in conversation and recreational companionship. Also in this is the fact I helped her raise 3 children from her previous marriage, with the youngest now 18 (empty nest issues?). Our together time before was attending the kids athletic activities. I told her we failed to adjust when the youngest graduated in June. Although I am not the best conversationalist, we have began doing things together (Cooking, cleaning up kitchen), walking at health club, shopping). I feel this activity will lead us to conversations. She mentioned several items where I have failed her and they are all valid and fixable.
She calls them the "little things".

We are leaving for vacation this Friday and will be gone until next Weds. Any advice other than just have fun together?

I would recommend that you talk about things that you did BC - before children - I know that was awhile ago and if you're like me hard to remember. Anyway, what did you do on dates and other activities that you enjoyed together?

If you have not taken the EN questionnaire that would give both of you a good place to start. Perhaps a combination of Dr. Harley's books and MC. The HNHN & LB books have been the best investment that H & I have made! Follow the POJA on locating a good MC - find one that you both feel comfortable with.

Think about all the "little things" your W mentioned. Has she explained what those are? If she believes that they are fixable then I would think you guys have a fighting chance here. See how you can work on fixing them so that both of you benefit.

As he helped her raise 3 children from a former marriage, I doubt they had much time before children.

**There is not a lot of traffic on this part of the bulletin board. Have you posted the same inquiry on Emotional Needs or In Recovery?**

The emotional needs questionnaire might be a good thing to talk about while you are on vacation. (If it were me, I would throw in the request for STD testing and hope all is negative. If her A was physical, it would be a logical consequence of her choices.)