When your wh has left you moved in with other woman for the past 3 months- you have run the full gamit of emotions, plead, beg , etc. and finally you say enough - i m off the merrygo round and moving on.
now he says youve changed....... I want to talk to you.
He says i misunderstood I put the question to him- Are you coming home to work on the marraige or not? He says not yet I said stay where you are im done. He says i thought you meant tonight or right now.....Im not an idiot. He says oh youve lost weight, you look nice, etc.
Now hes so in a hurry to talk to me tonight about everything. I dont want to I told him the same lines he gave me when he left.
My feelings have changed, i need time, i need space etc.
He called me 3x last night to say uhe was coming over tonight to talk. I said i will have the last of your clothes, mail, whatever you want from the house etc. for you.
He has been at the house twice this week looking in the fridge,cabnets in the house- but he will spend time with kids but not me...enough.

Perhaps the "Polish" of the OW is starting to tarnish. It's been 3 months. Reality may be starting to intrude on them.

Could he (maybe) looking for a way home?

Or is he looking for rejection to affirm his justifications for his A?

I'm hoping that he may be starting to look for a way home.

Be strong.

If you do choose to meet and talk. I would do it far from the children. Possibly at a restaraunt, park or somewhere where there would be no distractions.

Be cautious. He maybe looking for a way home, or a fix.

Lady

I'd say the affair fools are lovebusting up to their eyeballs! That darn fantasy is beginning to show a few cracks...

and he may be missing the way his home, his family, all his life USED to make sense...

Maybe a fog is beginning to life a teeny bit? Maybe?

What plan are you In?

If you're in B here goes...

(Mimi said this I think or something like this)
WS: I'd like to come over and talk...Can I come over at 8?
Bs: Are you still involved with OW?
WS: yes, but..
BS: You know my heart and my feelings. I want to talk to you..but I am protecting my heart...my feelings...what is left. Talk to me when you are finished with the affair.

Telephone hangs up.

Incidentally, My XWH sings my praises now and then..at very odd times and to people that I'd least (as he thinks) likely to tell me. He speaks of me as if I were not the woman whom took him to court on multiple occasions...(he did not pay cs or ss and ruined my credit and was well...basically a sith lord...angry and mean for 3 years).

A business acquaintence said he has witnessed my xh saying negative things to ow/w....contrasting HER to ME.

What happens when a sitch like this happens?

Easy. They've seen the changes and positives and strenght and whether they want to admit it or not, they respect you! My xh may call me to my face every name in the book, but his eager butt was up at 5:45 am this morning calling me (he is NOT a morning guy at all) to say..."hey peach...are you coming over this morning to drop son off?" He also called last night at 8:30 pm (after I put son down to zzzzz) to ask same thing. I briefly spoke to him today at work to tell him of son's spelling words and how well he did at doctor yesterday...He was happy acting to hear my voice (is this the same man I divorced?)...said he was in a conference with a client but was really happy and wanted to talk to me later...and he told my son in front of OW/w that my banana pudding is the absolute best (my son said I made the chessmen banana pudding for him)...OW glowered.

It may take your WH 3 mos...it may take some ws a year..it could take almost TWO YEARS as it has taken my xwh...

But it is a good thing.

Now even though as of today and life circumstances, I will say I cannot ever consider reconciliation, but my life is in the hands of somebody much HIGHER than anybody on earth. Only HE knows what's my future. But I can say that MB and plan A and even B...and because I never gave up faith in this, has helped me grow and become much much stronger and better than I was before!

I think once the cracks in affairs begin, the lovebusting starts, the ws stays out of affair (usually in plan b), the WS may begin to think his new life ain't that great after all...

Winter:

It's me...

I bet you know what I'm gonna say...

Is it PLAN A or PLAN B?

Doesn't sound like either one to me...

Caring about you....

MIMI.....

Mimi_
The last time i asked for advice you said plan a, plan b, plan a... then you just kept saying you were cooking dinner didnt have time. So ive been praying a lot- i turned it over to god.
I dont know if that a or b. I pray for my family everyday that my marraige will be restored.
I know that sometimes we can be needy but thats why i came to the board for support and help. I wouldnt wish anyone to be in this club. So i didnt post for a long time because of the last responses i got when i talked to you.
I asked this question after much thought and searching within me.

thanks everyone for the help- im greatful and hope that my wh comes home. there has been some positive talk - he says now that i want him to come home the right way- because he wants to not because i begged him. hes right. Some good has happened for me:
I have a better job - pays 7000. more than my last job. My kids and i have grown so much closer since this began. Things havent been good for my wh:
He thinks he is going to lose his job, (ow still not working yet), bills areon him, he's depressed, broke, says he hates his job, comes by and looks around house, thru cabnets- i believe vanessa has moved on to someone else and just hasnt put him out yet. He said she told him he needs to go home to his family - he said he wasnt ready yet.
hes spending more time with kids and is pushing for thanksgiving. He told my daughter he'll be home sooner than we think- he needs to tye up loose ends. ( he told her this saturday while they were out. He says he hopes i will still want him and love him when he comes home.
we'll see. im taking one day at a time.

bump up please

I am gald he is starting to see where he should be. However, you must write down some things that you need in your R. See if he will come here and get some help. He needs to read some of the books that have helped us all. I am not sure are you supposed to let a WS just come home ?

I know there is much work to be done... he even said i know when i come home we need to go to counseling, and i want to go back to church.
Ive been keeping it light letting him do the steps to come back, trust me it is not easy there have been frustrations, etc. He said he dosent want to divorce. We are communicating. One step at a time.

I'm glad he seems to be coming around.

Are YOU ready?

Have you given much thought to some boundries? NC with OW, etc...

You know he has already left you once.

I would hate to see you hurting from his coming home to his family, getting his EN's, getting back on his feet and ultimately leaving when it is convienient for him.

BTW - Love that handle. How did you come up with it?

I guess those are all good "signs"! At that time are you going to request he write a NC letter to Vanessa before returning home? Or will you just take his word for it.

If you see him as "repentant" and remorseful you will know it's real.

Hoping For All The Best!

Lady

Yes there are many boundries and i told him im not in this for a game-how do i know he wont leave again when he does come back? I rather he stay where ihe is if that's the case. He keeps saying to me he doesent know if i will still be in love with him after this when he comes home. Honestly- the longer this takes it gets easier for my feelings to go. I told him so. He said dont say things or treat him that way. I told him this is real life. When i was begging and pleading for him to not leave, come home, etc he went on. He said many nasty things to me and hurtful. The most was I dont love you anymore. He now is apologizing saying it want true.
I told him you can only kick a person so long before they stand up and walk away. I told him im off this merry-go-round. I am finshed with the past and know there is better for me in my future. I figure life is showing him "look at you no family, Vanessa is doing you how you did your wife (he admitted this)you have cut yourself off from , evryone knows what you did and what a fool you are- even ow! But mostly- your children know what you did to their family. Your sitting in someone elses house not yours and you have no money, she has no job, etc.
Im no longer the naive girl he left. Ive grown, matured, stopped crying, and am looking for 2005 to be over.
No hes not coming home without changes and hard work.
God brought me this far not to just drop me.

I got the name winterkisses by my daughter.
Just a note- I got a flat yesterday and a stranger really helped me. I told wh about it and he said oh ive got to get money together to get you 2 new tires by this weekend. Also Ill be by to help put up lights on house for holidays (he told kids this).
I only believe actions not words anymore.
well see how this plays. I myself will be going out with some friends to dinner.

Winter:

I'm sorry...

I think your WH is cake-eating now and wanting the both of you...

He will do this as long as he can..

You see...there is no reason for him to not stop the A right now ..today...COLD TURKEY...

I think you need to read up on PLAN B to bring an end to the affair...

Do you understand what I am saying?

I know that I am saying this abruptly as I am rushing here at work...

Later...

Excellent news!

I am glad you have given thought to your boundries for the WS.

Have you communicted them to the WS yet?

It is VERY important that you stick to the boundries once they are communicated to the WS.

One thing that I would insist on though is that you both create a No Contact Letter to send to the OW. It is of utmost importance the there be NC with the OW, ever.

He has betrayed your trust and left the old marriage in ruins. He can not get back the old marriage.

However, he can can rebuild the marriage anew. The new marriage can be stronger and more satisfying if you both work at it. WS will have to work very hard to prove himself to be trusworthy to you again.

I'll keep checking back on this thread to see how things are going.

I understand what you are saying. Do you understand what im saaying.....Im moving on. We have 3 kids that love their dad- I can talk to him only about them and finances. He is still going to come and see them. I can go into another room or be really ugly and have him meet them at the door or the curb but all that does is make feelings worse.
Maybe in a few months- i may go ahead and file for divorce but right now im not ready.
He hasnt moved home yet, theres no sex with us (hes tried i said no)he has to make this work- ive done evrything i could and its time for me to move on.
I just asked the question about the conversation.
Sometimes the letter thing dosent work... I did give him the plan b letter 2 months ago. I realized if a person dosent want to give up the ow no matter how much force you do- they wont budge.
I see that he is starting to see the grass aint greener, etc. that's on him.
I have a feeling of calm for the first time in 3 months. I feel as if a burden has been lifted off me.
If it happens it happens- if not ok.
Maybe there's someone out there who will love me and treat me the way i want to be treated and who will love me and only me.

Winter:

I really believe in the MB approach...

So I will bow out...

OK?

I will say that it does not seem that you are "moving on"...

Moving on would mean that you no longer want a relationship with him PERIOD...

What do you call what you are doing? I don't think it's MOVING ON...

My H was a cake-eater just like yours..told me the same stuff..how he was working on getting rid of the OW...

WINTER, when he WANTED TO END WITH HER..HE DID...

When I allowed it to go on, he became even closer to her...

Mimi- Its up to you- Im not begging anyone anymore for anything. I'll bow out and not post anymore if my questions or it seems like im not getting what your saying to me.
The reality is you say im not doing anything- I have Mimi for 4 months I did everything and got nothing in return.
The plan A, Plan B- since you said im not doing anything and its all a sham - i will go with my plan of just moving and starting over . Thanks for the wake up call mimi.

Sorry you are offended..

Just trying to help..

I wish I knew how...

I've just been speaking from my own personal experience...

I hate to see you choose to end your marriage...

Take Good Care...