My husband and I are both computer nerds, and we spend a large portion of our time playing mmorpgs (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) such as Everquest and World of Warcraft.

Because of how bad things are between us as far as our marriage, I have been turning more and more to friends I have met in game for social contact and emotional needs.

I become heavily involved with people in these games, and have made two very VERY close friends, whom I talk about everything with. These two particular people know that my marriage is an unhappy one, and that my husband and I are often neglectful of one anothers needs.

They offer me support and companionship, and it really makes me happy to talk with them about all manner of things.

One of them recently asked for my phone number, though. I told him that I just couldn't do that, because that crosses the line from fantasy to reality. It got me to thinking that maybe the attachment I feel to these poeple is unhealthy.

Is it considered cheating when you look to people online to fulfill the emotional needs your husband is not dealing with? Moreover, is it wrong to look elsewhere for the support and friendship you don't share with your spouse anymore?

I don't feel particularly guilty about it, but I have begun to question the integrity of these relationships.

Any opinions or comments would be appreciated.

~Doll

Yes is my answer to both questions.

Now that you have found us, I hope you will be able to learn how to work on your marriage.

Welcome.

I have to agree with believer. Yes to both questions. My H had a EA online while in Iraq. It was someone who I had signed him up for to help support him while he was away from home. He claimed they were just friends until the day they deceided to have internet sex. I felt more betrayed that he had been sharing his emotions and feelings with someone else then I did that he had internet sex with her. I would try to work on your marriage. Your H may be feeling the same way as you are.

Doll,

My wife is having an EA. When I learned, it was the most humiliating thing I have ever gone through in my life.

Your husband needs to creatively be awakened to what he's not giving you, but this is most emphatically NOT the way to do it. It will torture him so much that the shock may be destructive rather than creative.

You should really try to spare him this if you can. Find support and learn ways to turn it around, for both your sakes. I wish you blessings in your endeavors.

Doll, yes, it’s wrong and you are involved in emotional infidelity.

Please read the following links/threads to give you more insight:

Internet infidelity

Emotional Affairs

Also go to and this link read all 4 letters to Dr Harley about infidelity on the internet.

Doll, if you look at my signature line you will see I was involved in an e-mail friendship with a man at my work. Because the communication was electronically, I thought it was not a problem and because of this I never considered it to be a risk to my M. Please don't make the same mistakes I did and try to fool yourself by thinking this type of "electronic involvement" is innocent an not a risk to you M...it is and can just be as damaging as any other type of infidelity.

Doll, I want to add something to my previous post.

If you read this article about emotional infidelity, you will find the following which is so much applicable on you and your current activites on the internet:

Beware of the lure of the Internet. ''Emotional affairs develop quickly, in maybe a few days or weeks online, where it might take a year at the office,'' Young says. ''There is safety behind the computer screen.''

Affairs that take place in chat rooms on the Internet are classic examples of emotional infidelity. Increasing numbers of cyber-affairs are breaking up stable marriages, says psychologist Kimberly Young. She cites the anonymity and convenience of the Internet, as well as the escape it provides from the stresses of everyday life.

The following quote from the article is very much applicable on me and how I thought and reacted during the time my friendship with XOM became inappropriate and developed to the start of an EA.

Some affairs happen, Glass says, ''because people have certain beliefs they think will protect them. They believe if they love their spouse and have a good marriage, they don't have to worry. They don't exert the caution that might be necessary or create the boundaries to make their marriages safe.''

''The new infidelity is between people who unwittingly form deep, passionate connections before realizing that they've crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love,'' Glass says.