A brief history, I am the BS 31 ,we have been married 13 years with 4 beautiful kids. Wh had PA with Co-worker and I found out a month ago. I have been a lurker since the second day I found out. I just got the nerve up to post. I really feel like my life is shattered into a billion pieces and I do not know were to start to pick them up. My Wh was a great husband and is an awesome father I love him with all of my heart. We did not have any problems that I was aware of. His PA lasted less than 3 weeks with OW. Only because I found out and confronted Wh. I gave him a couple of opportunities to leave and I even said I would give him custody of the kids if that is what he wanted. He assures me that he wants me and our marriage. Wh has told me everything when I ask him questions. The only thing is he has lied a couple times about contact with the OW. He says it was job related but if that were true why lie about it? OW has currently left that job for a new one. He has now hired OW back to work only on the weekend. He says he had to hire OW back because she is the only one who knows how to do that work. And if it doesn't get done he will loose his job. He is willing to quit his job if I tell him to. But with 4 kids and a house payment and me being a SAHM that is not possible He will not be there working with her but it opens the door back up to talking with her. Why would he hire her back knowing how much this hurts me? I feel like she will never be out of our lives. I have asked Wh why he had the A, he says that he wasn't himself he lied and made things seem bad to make what he was doing ok. I feel stupid that my love for him is greater than the love he had for me. How can you turn your love off for someone so quick and be willing to throw your family away for someone you barely even know? I feel like yesterdays garbage. We have gone to MC and he has even bought a book from MB board How to overcome an affair. I read the whole book. He is still working on reading it. I am so scared that if he could turn his feelings off so quick for me that he will do it again. I was so happy and never worried about him ever doing anything like this to me. And now everything that I felt I had is gone. He says he loves me but man just a few weeks ago he was ready to leave me for her. He tells me that he is here and that he's not going anywhere. That he could have left and he didn't because he wants me.And he knows that what he did was stupid and it would never work. Then why would he bring her back into our lives again. Thanks for reading sorry I ramble a lot.

I am sorry that you have reason to be here. Although, you have came to the right place. I am really new to this myself so I will leave the advice to the vets. They typically hang out in the general questions II forum you may repost there. You will find that there are many people her that will help you. They have some of the best advice! In the mean time read everything on this site you can. It has helped me through some of my bad days and even some of my good days! Hang in there.

Thank you I did repost there. I am sorry you are here as well. Thank you again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Dear Shattered,

My situation is similar to yours. My husband still works with the OW (his secretary) and I'm dealing with it. Be patient. Try and communicate - this is really important.

Your feelings are natural. The hurt doesn't die. I'm not gong into a long story, but my husband (Stop the Drama) and I both post on here. You may be able to get some advice and different points of view seeing our post under "Soooohurt and Stop the Drama". Also there's a thread started with Man in Motion in the recovery section "Working with OM limted or no contact" - don't quote me on the exact heading.

Good luck. This will be the ride of your life. We are all in the same boat.

You need to read about Plan A -- the importance of a "no contact" letter. For him to hire her back after she left..... well, I'd be worried about that. It gives him a perfect opportunity to maintain contact. My WH had his affair with a co-worker, and until the day he got a new job and terminated all contact, I walked on eggs. Continued contact of any kind really complicates recovery. I think I would tell him that NO CONTACT means -- no contact. If she's just working weekends, then he needs to find somebody else to deal with her. It cannot be him -- no cake eating -- he is either with you or with her -- can't be both!

I just want to thank all of you for your support. I posted a quick update on the other board. My Wh decided that he will not be hireing her to come back, he will do the work himself. He apologized alot for the hurt he caused me. And told me how much he loved me. I know it's a small victory. I feel better that he is seeing the hurt that this is causing, and he wants to stop it.

My situation is similar to yours. My husband still works with the OW (his secretary) and I'm dealing with it. Be patient. Try and communicate - this is really important

I did get to read your post. You helped me to hang on when I felt like letting go. I am sorry that you still have to deal with the OW being around. I know that simple fact was killing me more and more each day. I will be praying for you.