I have had this girl for the last 3 years, and in my eyes she is perfect for me... But friends and family disagree, poeple that really know me well tell me that she is actually bad for me and my career. We have different personalities and we disagree on a regular basis, she is very outgoing and have alot of friends, i cant aford to go out alot because of my sport. But i compromise whenever the situation comes by. She is loud, and im very relaxed. She likes eating fatty tipe foods and staying up all night. This obviously isnt good for my career, but i love her so much, and dont want to lock her down into a routine, although it is really what i need to do. I am thinking about marriage, but how do i organize these diverse routines whe have, i fear it will really be a problem when we are married...

Reading your other posts, I see you are 21...so you've been together since you were 18?

I'm curious, how much dating have you done? How many serious relationships have you had?

I almost married at your age, although my family and friends pointed out (gently) things they saw as incompatibilities. In my case, they were right. I'm quite glad I took more time and dated other people, and found someone who shared the same vision of life that I did.

Just a thought.

Kathi

There used to be an old expression "Opposites Attract".

In marraige, that is changed to "opposites attack". While nothing is absolute, take some time to look at principles of long term relationships, and then picture the two of you following those principles.

Me thinketh you need a bit more time under your belt.

And rest assured, there are no perfect girls, nor perfect women. Just masses of different neuroses, waiting to manifest at inopportune times...

Please tell me that you do not mean that what you "really need to do" is to "lock her down into a routine."

This isn't what you meant - right?

If it is, this scares me. No, you should not marry her. You should never marry someone with the idea of changing them. All other ethical concerns aside, you cannot change someone else. She will end up resenting and eventually hating you for trying.


First, which is more important to you? Which has the higher priority - your career, your 'sport', or this woman? (If she truly is a 'girl,' your relationship is likely illegal.) Secondly, what do your friends and family have to do with this type of relationship? If you aren't making decisions now based upon YOUR interests AND HER interests, you won't be making them based upon that after you marry. That commitment isn't gained in a ceremony.

There are TWO people and ONLY TWO people in this type of committed relationship - your friends and family aren't either of those people. I agree with Jaye. You need more time under your belt. If you still listen to your family in regards to major life decisions instead of doing what your needs and goals require, you need at least a few more years before considering marriage.

Coupling the content of this thread with the content of your other thread...getting married right now would be one of the worst things that you could do for this woman and yourself.

I'd have to agree...stay away from marriage. I've never been married, but I'm engaged and seroiusly regretting it. You shouldn't marry anyone with the premise of being able to change them.