My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. We met eachother while in college and we have both landed our first jobs. We don't have any children yet and are not planning any for several years. I thought everything was going great, new jobs, new location, new place to live. It was everything that we planned on. But, my husband is now never home. When he does come home he is too tired to talk, too tired to do anything except for watching his sports on TV. To spend time together I started watching basketball with him which seemed to help make some love deposits. But, the more I am willing to do his favorite activities the less he does. When he does have free time he spends it with his friends or goes and sees his family. We have both discussed the fact that we need to do something together, but his idea is for me to watch pornos as an activity together or go to football games. He refuses to talk about anything that is a problem. He is unwilling to talk about what we could do. A while ago, he told me that I needed to make my own friends and make my own hobbies to make myself happy. Okay, so I did that and now we have drifted apart. I don't know what to do. I tried living in his world and lost my own idenity. Now that I regained my own idenity he is "happy" with using our home as a hotel complete with maid service. I want our marriage to work, but what can I do? He doesn't want to spend time with me unless it is having sex.

I feel where you're coming from on the subject. My wife is about the same, i feel ignored, like i'm an outsider. I don't know what to say because I'm in the same predicament

Welcome to MB...

I'll give my 2 cents....

It's good to try to relate to his world and watch Basketball, guys like that. Whats really robbing your relationship is the "Porn". For him its like having another woman whom he can express emotions to. Having sex with you is not really in his mind, but the images of the women in the porn. Get rid of the porn and thats 1/2 the battle. The other half is that it sounds like your H is trying to escape from something?. My "guess" is financial debt. It sounds as if financial debt has shutdown dreams of liberty and dating. He's unhappy and appears to be carrying some load, in return he's telling you to do something that makes you happy so he can be happy. It sounds like he's always been the entertainer?

If he tells you to go be happy, then be happy. He needs something to chase you about thats makes you this great person of interest. Your life needs to become more exciting than his. Sure, be supportive of the good things he does, but while you have no children live life. You should have goals also.

At this point DV is not the answer. Read material on this site. As I said, address the porn and you'll get his attention and strength back.