Aren't they to most people? Would you actually suggest to a friend to date someone to whom they were not at all attracted?

AGG

[color:"blue"] Actually I said "generally" unhealthy if their eating and exercise habits are bad . The stress of that weight on joints and bones is unbelievable. As we age our bodies are less able to deal with excess poundage and it becomes much harder to maintain an active lifestyle.

Every time I was pregnant (4 times) I gained an excess 30 lbs. At the time after I had my youngest two I was at least 60 lbs overweight. It took me several years to shed the weight and I can say from experience that I feel much more energetic and am healthier without it.

We all want to stand up and cry that physical attraction is the driver behind the desire to have a "thin" mate, but for me the driver is health. Dig no deeper than that - I have never looked for physical beauty and have been "attracted" to men that other women might consider unattractive because of their weight. After my first ex had a heart attack at 42 being 100 lbs overweight was the first thing the doctors fingered as probable cause. At the ripe old age of 42 he had a triple bypass, was diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid problems, and high cholesterol. All of these illnesses are associated with obesity.

I nursed him after his surgery and watched him suffer as he recuperated and came to terms with how bad he had let things become healthwise for himself. I don't like watching the people I love suffer, and if that means I won't attach myself to someone that has health issues then so be it - I'm discriminatory.

V.[/color]

I completely agree with this also!!! It's all in how you carry yourself. I to am heavy and have no problem attracting men...lots of men like green-eyed blondes with big boobs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I know lots of unhealthy, lazy skinny people too.

Osxgirl, no wonder you don't have a problem finding men to date. You've got a great attitude. Heartmending, you too. I also love that you don't take it personally when men aren't attracted to you.

I'm a little plump. Not obese. But, some men won't find me attractive. Hey some boys didn't find me attractive during high school when I had a terrific figure. One in particular told me he liked flat-chested women. Go figure.

Now, I have a question. Have you ever met anyone for whom you felt no attraction at all, yet over time developed the passionate, can't-wait-to-rip-their-clothes-off attraction? I'm not talking about aesthetically pleasing, I'm talking more about chemistry.

I have not had the experience of becoming head-over-heels attracted to someone after initially having no attraction.

I initially had "neutral" feelings about my first husband's physical appearance. I did become more physically attracted to him the more time I spent with him, but never head-over-heels. We talked about "growing" into love, not "falling" in love.

I have found myself experiencing instant "chemistry" with men whose physical traits didn't match the type of man I thought I'd be attracted to. In otherwords, if I filled out a checklist of most desired physical traits in a man I would like to date, these men would not match that list. I'm pretty flexible and broad in what I consider "attractive", but I have preferences.

For example, the two men I have had the most instant chemistry with have been my height or a little shorter. I'm 5'5" so it's not like I'm really tall for a woman. I would NEVER have chosen "my height or shorter" as a physical preference. Objectively, neither of these two men would probably be seen as "good looking" by most who viewed them, especially one of them. But, I have never been so attracted, so quickly, even with other men who would probably be seen as much more handsome, desireable, etc. These two men were very charasmatic, very attentive, had eyes that sparkled, were well groomed, and carried themselves with confidence.

I discovered that my "objective" list of desired physical traits doesn't necessarily match my "subjective" experience.

"Some women won't date short men."
Lexxy, is this true? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Geez, now THAT'S shallow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, just some levity injection from a vertically "challenged" male this A.M.

Oh, it pains me to read this:

"Some women won't date short men."
"Lexxy, is this true? Geez, now THAT'S shallow "

I'm guilty!
I have felt out of balance being with a guy as tall as or shorter than myself, and it bothers me. Are men not bothered by being with a woman who is taller?

K!

Not this guy.

As long as your legs are long enough to touch the ground, you are tall enough.

Of course I'm 5'11" so I'm taller than most ladies. With that said, in HS and later in college, I dated one woman who was 5'10" and another who was solidly 6' tall.

T

Ummmm.....I'm guilty of not wanting to date a short man.

I have a good reason though. My EX was 5' 9 1/2" tall and it bothered him, he would tell people that he's 5'11'. His height never bothered me, I felt he was average height, and I'm just a tad bit over 5' so finding a man taller than me is of no issue.

When he started having his affair, he started buying shoes with nice size heel so he can look 6', OW is 5'7" and when she wore heels, they were same size. Go figure, a man who was self conscious of his height finding OW who is almost as tall as he is. Because of my experience with EX and his height, I figure I would stick with someone who is taller so I don't have to go through it again.

BTW K, my brother is 5'4" and his wife is 5'11"....they both are very happy with each other. Neither one of them is bothered by the height issue. I guess each to his own.

Hi Karona,

Perhaps your question was only rhetorical, but since I stated this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I thought I should answer (at least for myself)... [color:"red"]NO [/color]

I've yet to find a woman, turn down a tiny gift box. Why? Is it because she believes it holds within something precious and valuable...a diamond perhaps? Why then would she shun another based on the dimensions of the package?

IMHO, for men, "it" boils down to one's confidence level, or perhaps what "others" (whoever they are) will think.

EE~~
I'm 5'8", but for some reason, people always view me as taller. My x is 5'10" and pretty much the other guys I dated in the past were my height.

IMO~~
I would have to say, that your brother and SIL are very comfortable with who they are, and that is wonderful.

Ron~~
Very clever! I had to laugh about the tiny box!
Now, while I said I felt this way, I will also say that I have started to think that I need to re-think. I have met men, single or married,[I'm not interested in the married, just an observation] that I like their qualities and find them genuine, but the height issue comes to mind.
Perhaps I'm the fool!
I agree with the confidence level, but not to the point of little man syndrome. I have seen that side too, and it's not too attractive.

If your preference is a more slender woman that's fine with me. I hope in turn you are not offended if a woman won't date YOU because you don't make enough money.

[color:"blue"]LOL - actually harley rates financial support as a legitimate emotional need. As well as physical attractive spouse.

V. [/color]

Yes he does which is exactly why I said what I said. I'm single and I won't date men that don't make at least as much $$ as I do. I don't see anything wrong with having a criteria list.

I'm not obese but I am a bit overweight but when I was WAY more slender than I am now, I actually met a man that told me I was "Very attractive but would be drop dead gorgeous if I would lose about 5 lbs." Yep I'm not kidding, 5 lbs. Come on now dude, give me a break!!!

Hi Karona,

Not familiar with "little man syndrome". Can you enlighten?

I'm thinking it may be a reference to the difference between a "self-confident man" and a "cocky a$$", but I could be (and usually am) mistaken.

Ron~~~

You got it!! A man that tries to make up his shortness with his arrogance. Very un-becoming!

I agree...

IMHO generally attributable to poor self-image. Overcompensation (in any form or fashion) is never attractive.

I'm sure you're right, and I agree!

First off, I'm a BIG girl...my wedding pictures can be accessed through the link in my signature line. Having said that, I'd like to give my take on this....

If the definition of "shallow" is someone who can be turned off by a person's physical appearance, then I suppose you ARE shallow, but this isn't necessarily a NEGATIVE thing..it's just the WAY you ARE.

I believe that a person who is attracted to the physical is no more negative than a person who is attracted by mental ability. Am I a snob because I can't be attracted to a stupid man? I can't handle hearing women swoon over Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise--I find the two of them unattractive because they're hopelessly stupid in my eyes! My Husband, on the other hand, drives me wild because of his intelligence---every one of his thoughts, his opinions and his theories drive me nuts with desire---but that's me. Is that WRONG of me to discriminate against stupid men? Of COURSE NOT!

My Husband is attacted to me the way I am. I know this because I wasn't afraid to ASK him. He pursued me and I told him that I may never be thin--in fact, there's always a chance that I could get BIGGER. Issues of health and fitness aside, he's wildly attracted to me. My health is my responsibility and I make sure I take care of it!....

My Husband is a tall, muscular and generally handsome man, but had he been as stupid as a stick,I wouldn't have been attracted to him. I wouldn't have felt BAD about that, either. Had my Husband not been attracted to me because I'm overweight, I would have thanked him for being honest and went about my merry way--you can't change a person's preference when it comes to sexual attraction!

You probably wouldn't have run into so much fire from your friend had you simply said you weren't attracted to the lady. Mentioning her weight put your friend on the defensive. Think of it this way--had I dated you but passed you up because I thought you weren't smart enough for me, would you or any of your friends have wanted to hear that I wasn't attracted to you because you were too stupid? I don't think so---next time, try not to bring judgements into it and you'll probably find that you come out smelling like a rose.

[color:"blue"]Funny *^aeri^* I dated a guy - nice guy - a couple of times and finally passed on him because his intelligence was just not equal to mine.

Nice guy in all ways - Catholic like me and practices his faith, father, decent job, lives too far away and just a tad bid too dense.

It colored the whole relationship. I would crack jokes and he would laugh and be hightly amused, but he never made me laugh the way I made him laugh and just didn't carry the conversation - I felt like convo was a burden.

Sad, but I can't see struggling to be with someone that will never fill my ENs for conversation.

V.[/color]