Hi I am new here, and also posted in the Why Women leave forum, but thought I would try here as well...

Well a week ago my wife broke the news, she isn't in love with me anymore and wants to move out. As most husbands are I was shocked. Not about the issues but about the fact that she was so final about the decision and not wanting to try.
Here is some background...
We have been together for 10 years, before we were married we were best friends, and then fell in love, what could be better right, we were engaged for 2 years before we were married, and have been married for almost 6 years now. Anyway, obviously the passion and excitement is not what it once was, and I know all relationships go through this. Over the last year ad a half or so my wife has had to travel extensively for work, which I suport, but it does put a serious strain on things, as she is not here, and when she is she is busy, and so am I. Quality time slipped further and further away. We have discussed, not at length, butr she had brought up her feelings 2x in the past, I know I dealt w/ it the wrong way, and she asured me there was nothing I could do, it was only something she could change. Anyway, for a variety of reasons things have gottem worse lately, no communication, we talk but dont communicate if you can understand that. I had egun some serious thinking before the anouncement and planned on discussing my feelings and wanting to work through things when she returned from the latest trip. For some reason something happened that caused her to do the same and call me one night to announce she cant take it she needs space and that we would be happier as friends not married. She has done all she can and she cant force herself to chg the way she feels. She has yet to return home from her business trip and has been staying w/ friends in betwwen the last trip. She will be coming home in a week or so, but that will only be to figure out what she is taking and where she is going cause she says she cant stay here. We dont hate each other or have knockdow drag out fights, I have not cheated and she swears she hasnt and I believe her. There is no abuse in the relationship. Anyway, I have done lots of soul searching and had already decided how i feel about her and us and what I had been doing wrong. I just was a day late and a dollar short. I know you cant force someone to change feelings, but I want her to keep an open mind, and try. I just am so hurt, she is my best friend and I cant believe that we of all people are going through this. From what I read our issues are very common and workable, but both of us need to be willing, I am not willing to give up and she isnt willing to try...any suggestions, experiences?

Hi Hurtguy...


Welcome to MB....Many people here have been where you are. Since you asked what to do. The first thing to do is relax a bit and don't beat yourself. She's your best friend and its painful and you don't understand whats happening. Storms come and go, this is not forever. Read the material on this MB site work on you and be kind to her.

Since this is the place of truth....I can't sugar coat the facts.

I can't say your W is having an affair but many of the chararistics are there such as:

I'm not in love with you..
Quickly moving out wanting her space...
Talks to you but refuses to communicate..
Quickly not compatible anymore...
We be better off friends...

If you were abusing her, then I would applaud her actions, but since you love her, treated her kindly and the issues are normal workable circumstances as in all marriages, then I would say, dig a little further and you might find who or what has her attention. Don't ask her, it will only make things worse, dig around the tree and find where the roots end up.

I know for a fact she has security in something or someone besides you...(Whatever you do, don't falsely accuse her) get the facts! It could be drugs, it could be someone, who knows, but something is between you and her, thats what you're in competition with.

She has all of the symptoms of having an affair. I suspect it is with someone that works with her. They always deny an affair - only about 1% admit it up front. If I were you, I would do some investigating. Check computer, cell phone, etc.

thanks to both of you.
As far as the affair issue, I am not trying to be naive about it, but I also think that is the issue, at least not an affair w/ a person. I think the main issue id that she is at a crossroads in her life. The project that she has been working on the last year and a half for work is coming to its culmination and she is stressed about that. After it is over she could stay in her job or move on. She is tremendously involved in several clubs she started that take huge amounts of time, which she enjoys but also case stress. She has met several people that are new friends as of late, no guys, one is a girl, and the other is an older couple that is our parents age, for whatever reason she made a huge connection with this couple, I met them they are nice, but nothing outn of the ordinary. They like her so much they act like she is their adopted daughter, ts a lttle weird. Anyway, she spends alot of time on the phone/ internet with them, which is fine. Anyway, they were half joking half serious talking to her about having her come work and help them w/ the business, and they are in another state, it would be a dream job of sorts. Anyway, this was all in the last few months, well it turned out they went bankrupt, so I know she was distraught over that, like she could have helped them if she only could have, and if it wasnt for us she could have just moved ther and saved things...I know it woulnt have happened, but she feels like to opportunity slipped away. Anyway, not that that is the reason for all of this, but I think it was a huge catalyst.
If thinks were fine before it wouldnt be an issue, but ever since they became involved we drifted further apart, as i withdrew and so did she. Anyway, she told them what is happeng w/ us and she stayed w/ hem the last week between trips instead of coming home and didnt tell anyone, other than me where she was, and she only told me after she was there a day, and couldnt stand being dishonest. Anyway, the whole thing is weird. There are many other issues, but I feel this thing started the end of it for us. Any suggestions