last night my friend called me. she was telling me about her H having an EA. She is devastated. I kind of did not know what to say since I am in a similar situation. During this conversation my husband happened to walk by and heard me. After the phone call ended we sat down for a while and talked. I told him a bit of what was going on with my friend. He was like "that's a bad situation. I would rather NOT know about it and for u 2 somehow just let it go. Or it would probably somehow be better to hear it from someone else, but if it came from u It will just hurt alot more."
Now..with that said..I feel worse. Now I definitly know I can't say anything about the A just yet. This is horrible. I feel like screaming. I am pretty desperate right now.
About OM.. complete NC has not happened. I am working on a NC letter and sending it asap. I need to let OM go completely out of my life so I can move forward. It's so hard though. But it's the right thing to do.

Triste,

despite what your H says, you will have to tell him.

There is no way that you can ever feel intimate with him unless you tell him. That much I have learned. Some people carry the burden around with them for years until their life is ruined. Years. You will never be able to be happy if you keep it secret.

Have you read Surviving an Affair? I don't remember if you've already answered this.

Why are you afraid to tell your husband?

I know I have to say something about it.
" Why are you afraid to tell your husband? " u asked cc46..
There is a million reasons. His feelings, breaking up my family, how it will all change..I can go on. But I know either way I am going to hurt the same so is just a matter of finding a way to say it. This is something that has made a scar on me for the rest of my life. And I do not feel good about my self right now. I am so depressed I do not know what to do. I can't shake this off.
And yes, I have read how to survive an A.

Triste,

I understand. It will take a lot of courage, but the scar will always remain. You are now a different person, but luckily you have learned. My WH has been living with his secretary for 11 mnths now and the fact that he has destroyed the family and changed everything hasn't made any difference to him.

You are lucky you have a chance to be forgiven because you realize what happened.

Can you see a doctor about your depression?
Maybe some antidepresants will help you.

Trite,

I hope you are still around.How are thigs going?

I am doing alright. Just have all these mixed feelings I do not know how to deal with. One day I am doing ok and the next I am dragging... Don't know if it's because of the holidays or just overall what is happening in my life right now, but I feel really depressed. I rather not depend on medication .. but if this keeps going then I will have to see a doc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I was reading the post about "gaining weight".... I am total opposite...I have lost almost 20lbs within 3 months. It's just melting away....y is that? Is it all the worries?

Tristeyo,
I am a FWW and if you need an ear to hear I am more than willing to listen. Been there and very unfortunaly done that. The losing weight thing, I did that too. 20lbs and holding. It is the stress and worries. You being on here and knowing that you have done wrong is a good sign though. You will be in my prayers.

Sorry you are feeling so bad. I highly recommend taking anti-depressant medications. They will help you start doing the things you need to do. Don't give up hope. There are many here who have been like you and are doing fine and have happy marriages now.