I posted it on another post but I don't think anyone saw it.
News Flash,
XWS told me he loved me for the first time in months. I am totally astounded and shocked.

I have been waiting for those words for almost 5 months now.
I had filled out the EN and Recreation questionaire and had left it on xwh's dresser, not really expecting him to attempt to do any of the things I had rated him low at. Boy was I surprised when he told me he loved me.

I cried with sadness and joy. Unfortunately we are not able to further talk in depth because he is out of state for a week.

I really didn't expect him to say this. My mind is still trying to comprehend his declaration of love, and just like when he gave me the "I don't love you speech back in June, I will forget for a few hours, and then bam!! I remember, and my mind is trying to grasp the idea.

Maybe this is not a big deal to other b/s because their spouse might have said this early on after discovery, but in my case, it has taken my husband 5 months since he first decided he didn't love me.

I haven't shared this with my family or friends yet, I have only shared my news with you friends. I am still trying to digest what this means and all.

I would love to hear from those of you who are in recovery, and what you did when your xws finally said "I love you"

I understand how you feel. When mine told me that, the 1st thing out of my mouth was.....'do you know who this is?' He told me over the phone. I was shocked but not too shocked. Maybe it was too much reverse babble practice. LOL!!! But he made it clear he knew he was talking to his W and NOT OWs.

Then I told him thanks for the info. I did ont say ILY in return. I couldn't. Not then.

Be cautious.

L.

I hope this is a good thing. I am looking forward to hearing those words from my H. I haven't ILYd in a long time and I haven't heard those words from my H ever since. I guess it was just a trained response to me saying it first. I hope you hear and FEEL lots more ILYs in the future.

<<<hugs>>>
Loni

Orchid, when he told me he loved me, I had been quiet for the past few days, being reserved in actions and words. My response to him was to ask if he really meant it. He replied, "Yes I love you."
I too, did not say I love you in return. I have spent the last day digesting what he said. I definately will keep one foot out the door still, the jury is still out. Only time and the actions of xws will prove whether his statement is true, but I can't help but be excited. I am leaning towards believing him though because of how long it took him to say these words to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Loni,
I hope I hear a lot more of those too. One of my promises I made to myself, when my husband finally decided that he loved me, I would make sure I said I love you every single day before he walked out the door in the mornings and the last thing I would say to him when I layed my head down on my pillow at night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hope the same thing happens to you Loni,

Sincerely,
K.D.'s Brokenheart

K,

I am glad u r being cautious and I too hope he 'really means it'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sending you lots of support from the middle of the big blue. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

kds, yes, it's a bit unbelievable when you first hear it. Waiting and wanting to hear it, but when you do, mixed emotions.

Happiness, satisfaction, sadness, doubt....like most things in recovery, they start out as "merely words." But as you said and asked, "Do you really mean it?"

In my case, with several contacts that occurred, I said at one point, "I don't want to hear 'I love you' anymore until you MEAN it."

The first "I love you," I think is more like a "statement" or "thought," rather than a deeply felt emotion. Not too different from the "first declarations of love" when you first were dating. It takes time, nuture, actions, etc. to let it grow and take firm root.....but it IS a darn sight better than the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" declarations DURING the affair.

God bless and continued best luck in your recovery!

but it IS a darn sight better than the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" declarations DURING the affair.


Boy, isn't that the truth, Forever hers

kd, ain't THAT the truth!!!!!!!

To me, that first post-A ILY was more of an "I love you but I have absolutely no idea what that means". Probably not how HE meant it, but that's the message I got.

Getting MUCH better now.

I logged on today to post a message saying the EXACT SAME THING!!! My H told me "I love you" last night! For the first time in over 5 months he said it! He said it as he was leaving and I didn't say anything back. I was too busy replaying it in my head, thinking, did I just hear what I thought I heard?

We had just spent 2 days and 1 night together. We even had a difficult discussion regarding the cats. Honestly, I didn't expect to hear it, I never do anymore. But I was, and am still, a little unnerved when he said it.

I'm a lot like you are now. Does he mean it? Does he know what he's saying? Does he know what it means to me?

All I know is, right now, I'm a little thankful for our cats. It's giving me a reason to take it slow and not just jump right back in. I'm allowed to take the time to see how he reacts to POJA. While we haven't been able to put it fully into place, we are using it to a certain degree and I'm glad about it.

All I can say to you is this, keep taking your time. Ease into it. I feel like I need to fall back into loving him. Maybe you do to as well.

I wish you continued success my friend.

I am so happy for you STW,
I hope your declaration of love from w/s is honest and true also.

I think if my xwh would hold me close, and while looking deep into my eyes, lightly brush his lips on mine, brush the hair from my face and tenderly say "I love you, K.D.," I would melt and be so greatful for his love. Sigh.........

Back to reality, lol.

Congratualations, you deserve some happiness.