I am divorced, considering my ex again and it's been like this for three years. I didn't have any debt after we sold both homes but recently decided to get out of this town and am selling my home, and invested in a car I needed. Now I work quite a bit to pay for the car but at least it's useful, and the home is for sale so I can move closer to the city to get a better job. Since this home has been for sale for six months, I have recieved numerous offers from men to help me fix my life. They start by telling me my house is a mess and point out things I could do to attract sellers.

Usually we go to his house and fix a meal and watch tv or go out, I make sure not to criticize anything. At my rented apartment, I have little furniture and few ornaments as I moved here to rent out my house while it's selling. I make more that way and I have a good idea of what I want to do when it sells. The men I have dated have all been divorced, with children, with messy histories. At once I am always judged at being bad with money or marrying the wrong kind of guy, or expecting a man to take care of me. Each man I know loves to fix things in my house even though I don't like it. And most try to fix me too.

none ask if I was the breadwinner or held things together during my marriage, or if I managed to pull us out of debt by managing an income property on my own, or how I managed to support my mother when she was sick a few years back. Instead I am judged as selfish because I have a nice car, and nice clothes and told I need to settle down and save money and then I wouldn't have to sell my house.

Since I don't have a house picked out, I am being impulsive I know, but I also know that it must be sold this summer/fall, and everytime I procrastinate because of a man's advice I end up owing something or buying something he wants me to wear or do.

Example-Last b/f complained I was needy because I didn't have a new bicycle, but he didn't even like to go riding. Now I have my old bike back from my ex. Do you think he wants to go riding? NO, he just wanted to criticize. Then I suggested we go hiking, he can't he says because of his knees. So I go hiking with a male co-worker-he says I have issues with male attention and need therapy.

In the end he blew me off after I spent a week decorating his home for Halloween and he never picked me up for the party he was giving at his home. When I asked why on the phone, he said I was always rubbing it in his face that he couldn't do enough for me, and I gave him too much attitude about my work, and he wanted a woman who was easier, and less uptight about life-what he meant of course was sex.

I hung up and emailed him, letting him know I would be happy to be his friend but not to judge me because I am not ready to have sex with him when he acts so critical.

There is a male co-worker of mine who constantly needs to know how my divorce ended and has advice-

Another who says I expect way too much, and should settle for what I can, as I am too old to expect much else and I have nothing else to do anyway.

Another told me he was looking for a woman to complete him, and help increase his income and I could work harder to be part of his life by supporting his goals. When I called him, he never called back although he has a cell phone, but expected me to answer when he called me or else he would get angry and not call for weeks. He offered tons of support on my dumpy house as he put it, sell it for what you can get.

This same man said my apartment was a dump, the curtains looked like they cost $5, and he wondered when it would be time when I was ready to have sex with anyone at all who would care. He also told me he loved me and would treat me like a Queen as long as we had sex two times a day, but he wanted to know there was sex first or he was out of there. His ex wife was abusive and still comes around and so we could live together if I could deal with that. Also we had to arrange everything around when he had custody of his son, when I mentioned another event we could go to his son would agree and he would criticize me for trying make myself more important than his son.

He told me I had issues about children because I didn't have any, actually I do have a grown step son! Only none of these men want to hear anything to do with him.

Another man criticized my single status as he wanted to move in and have children right away. He's 41. So I thought this is it! Finally! Only he didn't want us to move into his house until his mother left it to him so he could sell it for a bigger one. IN the meantime he assumed he would be living with me where we would rent a bigger place, since only makes $31K a year he assumed I was fine with that. He also wanted to date other people until I could "make up my mind" on how I wanted to move forward.

What the ******? I am not in transition, I am living my life, being part of life cycles, that is normal not "needy".

Another one, said that I was very very needy of men's attention because I had men friends, and needed my reassurance that I wasn't sleeping with any of them. I said I am not a horny little man trying to pick up women, I am a woman looking for a relationship, you will have to learn how to trust women at some point, but please do not judge or criticize me for not carrying my fair share.

I have managed to do much with what little was left after my ex spend-a-holic was through. When he left he didn't pay the mortgage and it took a year to sell that very expensive house. This house I am selling now is a tiny duplex, and I will realize so little I will still have around $5000 to pay. Everyone is pushing me to sell now. And I have lost two very pushy boyfriends so far due to my indecision.

But it's very hard for anyone to live if another constantly buts in and tris to criticize and fix someone's life!

Why do men automatically assume all women are fixxer uppers and need to have their homes, and lifes and faces redone? Every one of these men mentioned things I could do to improve myself-grow my hair longer, go blonde-and one actually redecorated part of my current home when I was in the other room-he didn't ask, but expected a reward.

At this point I wil LIE and never tell anyone else I have been married at all, and will have to keep the existence of my step-son a secret while I look at children's photos.

It's hard to go to a family event with a man while his sisters brag about their children while I am not allowed to mention one accomplishmnet by "my child". I am proud of him is that something to be ashamed of?

Why do men have to be so judgemental?

As for psychoanalzing, oh my goodness one of my two ex b/f's insisted on both of seeing therapists and he broke up with me because his therapist said something bad about me. Really the b/f just wanted to sleep with lots of women after HIS divorce, but he couldn't face that so he told I had pressured him into a commitment which I did not, and his therapist agreed so it's true!

Please no more of that, the same b/f told me I was actually a lesbian or bisexual and he thought we should have sex with a waitress he met at a local strip club-to help him with his problems-after all I wasn't going to judge him right? It's just an idea right? This coming from a man who redecorated my home and told me how he wanted me to wear my hair and which colour to dye it.

Eventually he broke it off and is now dating a woman who is totally unselfish, she sells products to protect the environment, and has lots of natural blonde hair. BUT I could have been with him if I had more self respect and more confidence in myself-his response to my confrontation of him was that he always had to reassure me and encourage me in my goals-too draining when he really wanted a woman to have his babies and not have any past, just focus on him.

SO why do men judge and criticize so much, why don't they work on what they really want? It goes without saying that as a single woman I attract men in a small town like flies because it's very predatory here. All men, forests, few women who are unmarried at my age. BUT it's not better it's worse for the women.

Please for those men who like to FIX women-
Figure out what your problem with women is, and fix that before ever bothering me again. Women are not children or pets who jump at the opportunity to be held-

Thank you! Nat

Wow, Salty, sounds like you should set these guys up with the women JustinExplorer's been dating so they could get to work on each other!

Okay Salty, I just read your other post too. You are doing something wrong. I don't know exactly what, but something. When you constantly attract the wrong type of person, the problem is with you.

I'm not trying to be mean, but recognize some of my issues in yours. I have had a long history of attracting losers. Always thought it was just bad luck, but now I'm realizing that it has a lot to do with the way I am.

I can sure relate to your feelings.

Be true to yourself.

You will find a guy who accepts you as you are.

How about staying away from men while you get your life in order,homes sold,new one bought,settled into new job,etc,etc? You don't need all these men in your life right now is my impression.All they are doing is hampering your ability to focus.

If believer is right about you attracting the wrong type of man,that would be solved for now if you didn't allow any into your life at this stage.Then you could do some introspection.

O

Yes, I have a few women who might match them exactly! LOL!!

Even my lady friends who want to fix me aren't as bad as these guys. Most of my fixers really just want to analyze me and break me down to all my little, defective components. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for listening:> Justin, Octobergirl, my house has been for sale for a year so I am getting a little tired of no companionship. I did have a sort of b/f for a while, but he really wanted to fix me badly-he would buy me decorator pillows, that didn't match anything, and items that showed he wanted these in my house, when and if he spent the night. He thought I was needy because I am about love and sex together. Plus he would lie about little things. Eventually I needed space and that never goes well.

I probably needed to get space much earlier but I am not used to the phrase yet. I am learning.

Thanks, but I think it's just that most men are suspicous at my age of women alone, and vice versa. Eventually it's about trust. I especially do not like little white lies, such as shaving 5-6 years off age, it shows an inconsistency that shows a lack of character.

Nat

So, have you managed to get fixed or are you still yourself?

As for a man myself. Fixing anyone other then myself is Impossible! But you do worry me about the type of ladies that I might meet when I start dating again. When I do meet a woman, I don’t want to fix her; I want to get to know her for herself. And hope she wants the same. Why all these men that want to “fix” you is unknown to me. Well, I hope you do better in the future with dating! And I can understand about being lonely. I must deal with that each day. Thank god I have my children! That helps me a lot on the lonely front.